Today is exactly one month since Zoe's birth. My head has been elsewhere for the past 2 or 3 days, so I didn't even realise that today was the 24th until a friend told me.
I've been feeling really numb again - in the eye of the storm, as it were. I don't want to cry, I don't feel pain, I'm laughing easily again, but I feel disconnected from everything and everyone. It's like being on morphine - you're fully aware of everything, except you can't feel anything. I've never taken drugs or drunk myself into a stupor, but I would guess that this feeling I'm feeling is what some alcoholics and drug users are looking for - being beyond the pain somehow.
Needless to say, I know this is just the 'eye' and that in a while the storm will return. In the meantime, I'm grateful for the emotional breather, I'm trying not to feel guilty about not feeling pain and I'm trying not to think about the time-scale for when the pain will hit me again.
Some of you have asked how Graeme is doing in all this. Well, after much thought (on his part) he's decided to start his own blog as we both recognise that this really is my blog (rather than our blog), even though it's about us. He's created it, and sat down last night to write something, and froze up. So, bear with him - the intention is there, he just needs to find a way to start to express himself.
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