Today is day 5 of our lockdown because of the novel Coronavirus pandemic. It’s also supposed to have been the first day back at school for Term 2. Of course, even before the lockdown was announced, the government announced that schools would be closed for an additional 2 weeks. However, we have been asked to try to continue the academic programme as best we can in these 2 weeks so as to minimize the impact on education.
#2 has been encouraged (by school) to journalevery day. He’s not doing that, but I thought I would. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, a space to put my thoughts down and get them out of my head. Writing helps me process. Maybe reading my story will help you too.
Our kids have been at home for longer than the school holidays because we pulled them out of school early. (Partly that’s because #2 already had a cold, and partly that’s because as a family we are at risk.) So for us, this is actually week 3 of being at home.
We are in totally new territory here. We’ve had holidays at home before, but never for this long, and never in circumstances in which we aren’t allowed to leave the house. On our street WhatsApp group, we have neighbours who are gun-ho to report anyone they see out and about. We live in a cul-de-sac, so the only people on the road will be residents, and so it’s got a bit hairy at one point. If it weren’t for the concerns about catching SARS Cov2, I’d be scared to leave my house because of some of my neighbours... I imagine that what I feel is somewhat akin to what people in times and places where neighbours turned informer might have felt.
The dogs are going stir-crazy. They love having us home 24/7, but they’re used to being walked twice a day. They don’t understand why they can’t go out. I can’t explain it to them. Our older dog seems to be getting particularly morose, even though he gets to sit in his favorite place in the entire world all day, every day - the boot of my car, with the boot door open. Here he can sit in relative comfort and watch the world go by (and bark at everyone/thing going past), except there’s no world going by, and he doesn’t understand why.
The children are desperate for endless screen-time, and as parents we’re desperate to not let them disappear down the proverbial rabbit hole. Both of us are ambiverts, and so we need alone time, which now we’re not really able to get because when the kids are bored or frustrated we’re their go-to people. #2, in particular, thinks I’m his entertainment centre, or his teddy bear. He is an affectionate individual, but I am touch averse (or rather, I become quickly overwhelmed with too much touch) and having him constantly want to hug me, cuddle with me, lie on the bed with me... it’s very overwhelming. Then, he’s used to being at Aftercare with about 100 other kids every day, so there’s ALWAYS someone to play with, and now it’s just the 4 of us at home... and with 2 of us as ambiverts and needing time out from everyone... well, you get the picture.
Don’t get me wrong - I love my kids, incredibly, deeply. I am loving being able to spend this quality time with them. But too much of a good thing is not necessarily great.
We’ve had a few Zoom and Skype calls with friends and family. We’ve played Settlers of Catan online, and we’re doing quizzes in our various WhatsApp groups. We’re chatted with neighbours across the street, standing at our garden walls. Those conversations help. No doubt about it. But there’s this underlying mania or panic that seems to underlie everything. Laughter in those settings has a slightly manic edge to it. Laughter from the various memes doing the rounds also has a slight edge to it. Kind of like a “you either have to laugh or cry” feel to it.
I love the memes about the end of the world - like that we expected zombies, not this. Yet, at the same time, many of us are anxious about what the future holds. In the final count, how many of us will die from this? What will the financial cost of this be for all of us? If it took a generation to recover from WW2, how long will it take us to recover from this? Will this make or break us, as a society? Or will we get over this and find things are back to ‘normal’ with no long-term learning or benefit?
This all sounds rather bleak.... Yet, when I’m not dwelling on the anxious negativity, there’s actually so much to be grateful for, so much to enjoy. I get to stay home with my favorite people in the world, all day, every day. I get to forget which day of the week it is. I get to enjoy my recently upgraded garden (what a privilege and blessing it is to have a garden space to enjoy!) and the last of the sunny weather. I get to read for hours and not feel guilty about it. I get to bake. I get to watch Netflix movies every day. I get to play games with my kids. I get to stop rushing on to the “next thing” (endlessly). I get to focus on the important things in life, instead of just the urgent. I get to exercise in my home, admitting just how unfit and out of shape I am, and not feel stupid in front of my family. I get to support and help others who are feeling the pinch (whether emotionally/ mentally, or physically, or financially).
So if you are out there, and feeling alone, I want you to know that you need only stretch out a hand (virtually), and you’ll find a community waiting to connect with you. And if you don’t, then get in touch with me - my email link is on the right. I’d count it a privilege to walk a road with you - maybe we’ll discover new friendships that will last a lifetime, maybe we’ll only be connected during this pandemic. Either way, it’ll be a blessing to us both.
