So we went to a health resort hotel (not a spa - apparently there is a difference), but the jacuzzi wasn't working (chlorine levels too high) and the treatment rooms were fully booked for the entire weekend (so no massage or facials or anything else) so all we could actually use were the gym and the pool.... hmm..
As a result, we wound up benig tourists in the area. Went a small wine farm specialising in ciders, then had a shopping spree in Maidstone buying toys for Nellie (not as if she doesn't have enough or anything, but we just missed her so much!) and today we went to Hever Castle, which is stunning and well worth a visit. They have this awesome water maze there that the kids (big and small) just adored! It has 3 concentric rings of slabs, linked here and there by some other slabs. Some of the slabs are cantilevered, so that when you step on them, you get sprayed by jets of water. The trick is to find your way through the maze to the tower (you can climb up the inside of teh tower to get a lovely view of the grounds) without getting wet.
The weekend was a fabulous blessing to us, and I think we reconnected with each other and ourselves in a very special way. I was saying to G at one point that a part of my personality that hasn't been seen since we were on honeymoon was finally coming out again. We've walked such a rough road since our marriage back in '98. (For those who don't know about it all, I'll try to summarise it briefly for you in the next post.)
Some of you have probably heard about the 4.3 earthquake we had here in southern England. Well, we were only a few miles from the epicentre... although as we lay in bed watching the news about half an hour after it had happened, Graeme did ask me whether the earth had moved for me.... I'm pleased to report that we were far enough away that we didn't feel a thing.
I had a FANTASTIC belly laugh on Sat evening. I was lying in bed, exhausted after a very long evening (we had stayed up till nearly midnight to catch a re-run of 'Have I Got News For You'). Graeme was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. I stretched, yawned and made Nellie's-very-tired noises (where she moans, but with the dummy in her mouth), to which Graeme responded with some very arbitrary remark (so much so, I can't even remember it now! I think it was something about going to buy something for me). However, I was so tired, and his response seemed so off the wall, that I promptly fell apart laughing. In fact, I laughed so much I wasn't sure whether I was laughing or crying; I laughed so much I had a mild asthma attack (only to discover that the pump I had with me was empty). Man! I've missed laughing like that.
Since getting home, I've been reading some of my favourite blogs, and found these words by Bob Dylan... (my vicar/ minister, Stephen, would be so proud of me!)
"I stood unwound beneath the skies
And clouds unbound by laws.
The cryin' rain like a trumpet sang
And asked for no applause.
Lay down your weary tune, lay down,
Lay down the song you strum,
And rest yourself 'neath the strength of strings
No voice can hope to hum."
I feel like I'm starting to let go of the pain of losing and I'm starting to see the sunshine again.
Graeme starts grief counselling tomorrow. He's going to have a few sessions on his own, and then I'll join him for some couples counselling. I know that there will still be dark days ahead, and the counselling will no doubt spark stuff in us, but at the moment I don't feel like I'm carrying this massive weight on my shoulders anymore, and I thank God for that!
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