Today, 2 years ago, I gave birth to my second daughter, who had died in utero the day before. While time doesn't heal the pain, it does make it easier to deal with. If Zoe had lived, I wouldn't be pregnant now. Instead, I would have two gorgeous little girls - one with white blonde hair and one with strawberry blonde hair. They would both be at nursery by now, and Zoe would be potty training. Instead, I have one beautiful daughter and a son on the way.
If I could, would I go back and change things? Before I fell pregnant, that would have been a very easy question to answer: yes. But if Zoe had lived, we would not have tried to fall pregnant again, and this little boy would not be here. So now, trying to answer that question is like trying to decide which of my children would live and which would die, and that's an impossible choice to make.
Similarly, if Zoe had not died, then G & I wouldn't have started Born Sleeping, we wouldn't have met the people we have, or made some of the friends we have. While I miss Zoe, sometimes almost more than I can bear, I know that her death was not in vain.
Goodnight sweet darling. I look forward to the day we meet again.
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