Drug addicts

A member of the extended family is an alcoholic. At this stage, while s/he has been through one full round of rehab (primary and started secondary), s/he is still not really at the point of accepting the reality. Thus, there have been further lies, resulting in her/ him being chucked out of the rehab centre. This individual has no job, no assets, and has already run up huge debts in the time leading up to and including rehab.

At family lunch today, we were discussing how, as a family, we should handle both the situation and the person. We had some American family visiting, and they've also got a child who is a recovering alcoholic (been clean for 20 years now). They were giving us words of wisdom from their accumulated time of trying to deal with their child.

I honestly don't know how to respond. On the one hand, I have no problem being 'hard-@ssed' about it. Being a teacher means you have to learn how to be a bitch sometimes, to disconnect from the person in front of you, and just let the consequences take their toll. On the other hand, watching the rest of the family in such obvious angst about it and being so hurt by the lies and deceit, by the words spoken in anger, and by them watching this person they love destroying him/herself... it's very hard to disconnect from that.

Thinking back over the interactions I've had with this person over the years, I can't help but feel like an idiot. The signs were there to see, if I'd had eyes to see them. Way back in 2000... but instead, I chose to be naive, to believe the best. I failed to consider alternatives. At the time, that was because I still felt I didn't really know this person, so shouldn't judge. I didn't feel qualified to say anything, because I was still new to the family. If I had said anything though, I doubt that it would have made any difference... addicts being what they are. But still...

I know the coming months (and maybe years) are going to be hard on the family. Watching this person's journey (possibly to getting clean, possibly just walking further down this road of self-destruction) will be filled with both ups and downs, and it's the downs that will be hard to deal with. As a parent I know that nothing is harder than watching from the sidelines, unable to do anything to help or make things better. I guess, at the end of the day, all I can really do is pray, but since I'm still having problems in that department... well, enough said.

I'm fairly sure this person won't be contacting me, or asking for help, and won't come knocking on my door - but stranger things have happened. So I feel the need to be prepared, it's just that I'm not sure how to really prepare for this.