She's learning

Some days it's incredible to think you can go from wanting to shoot your kid to wanting to eat her up she's so cute.

Picture it. 2007. May. It's been raining pretty much non-stop for 10 days. The skies are thunderstorm grey, and have been for days. Neither of us was in a particularly good mood. I hadn't slept very well last night, and she's been teething, so is suffering. Add a plate of food into the mix, and we've got a fight brewing.

After half an hour of her crying I gave up. So, for lunch today she ate 6 raisins, 1 spoon of yoghurt and 2 spoons of food. Not a heck of a lot. I didn't lose my temper with her during this ordeal, but I was still massively angry with her afterwards for not eating. I can hold a grudge like no-one else I know!

This is the third day in a row when she has had about 4 hrs worth of naps and done 3 or 4 runny poos during the day. Usually she has 2 hrs worth of naps and does 1 (solid) poo. She is definitely not OK, but I know that a lot of the fighting over food is just her being stubborn, which only makes me more angry. I know her gums are sore (her fingers are permanently glued to them, even WITH her dummy in her mouth!), but this food thing is not because of that. She's just being otherwise and obstreperous.

How do I know this? Because for supper tonight she ate all the food that she refused to eat at lunch, and more. Not only did she eat a jar of Lancashire hotpot, but she finished a yogurt, a fruit pot, a veggie pot, a carrot stick (!!!!! she's NEVER eaten carrot sticks before) and 2 biscuits. And mostly without too much fuss. So it's not that she doesn't like the food, she just refuses to eat it unless I intersperse the proper food with mouthfuls of sweet food. I really don't want to do that because she needs to stay off the sweet stuff. She also refuses to eat if I ask her to feed herself. No thanks - she likes to be able to play with her food and a spoon while she gets fed, but she point blank refuses to put that spoon into her mouth if it has food on it. AARRRGGHH!!

But then, at the other end of the spectrum, she is just the cutest, sweetest little girl alive, and I could just eat her up at times.

Like this afternoon/ evening. We'd had a reasonable amount of fun at a One 'o clock club (free council run centres with toys and activities for the under 5's) this afternoon while dodging the rain. When we got home I gave her a bottle, which she sat drinking by herself in the lounge. Now that's another first! Usually she insists that we sit with her, but she didn't complain once. Then off she went to bed for another 2 hr nap (it would have been longer if we hadn't woken her).

When Graeme brought her into the bedroom, she wanted to cuddle with me! There is nothing so special as your little girl wanting to cuddle with you! Before G headed out again for a meeting the 3 of us spent some time on the bed tickling each other. She was so cute, trying to tickle my feet and G's back. We all had a really good chuckle together.

I then fed her and bathed her. Bath time was another bundle of laughs. Firstly, she deliberately tried to splash me - which again was a first for both of us. Then, she made the sign for fish and we spent time talking about the fish, complete with facial expressions and hand movements that I wish I had captured on film! She is so serious about whatever it is she's trying to say (I often don't have a clue!) that I can't help but laugh at how cute she is. Finally, she told me her bum was sore, all using signs! After all the pooing she's been doing recently, I'm not surprised, but I was THRILLED that she was able to tell me about it. This signing thing is definitely a winner.

I have no doubt that when she becomes a teenager we're going to have a rough ride. She is as stubborn and strong-willed as a mule (she takes after her mother in that department). I really hope that she and I won't clash often, but I don't see how we can avoid that. We already clash terribly over food, which she invariably wins. I dread to think what it'll be like when she's hormonal.

She's got me wrapped around her little finger though. I just love her to bits. All it takes is one little smile from her, one little expression and I can't help but laugh, and all my anger evaporates. And when she tells me something and is able to communicate with me, it brings such joy to my heart. I can't wait till she's able to talk properly! I just love getting to know my precious darling - watching her growing up is such an adventure and I thank God for her.