Two weeks ago, Ali preached about how Jesus sent his disciples ahead of him into the surrounding countryside and why that was necessary. She made the comment that the disciples were preparing the way, finding out whether people were ready to receive Jesus or not. Something in that really struck a chord with me in terms of my own spiritual development. There was something about the active partnering with God to prepare people's hearts. Then, at our counselling session on Monday Ali made a comment to Graeme about the fact that, by its very nature, the 'stuck' place will not be resolved passively.
Since I had Nellie I've found that I've lacked the spiritual discipline and the time alone to have traditional 'quiet times' with God. In chatting to other mothers, I discovered that this is a common side-effect of having children. At the time I made the decision not to beat myself up about it, but it's been hard. I reckoned that God would understand and that when the time was right, he would draw me back. Yet, there is such a strong culture of regular personal QT's in the evangelical church (which I grew up in) that it's hard not to think of myself as failing in this area.
Over the past few weeks I've begun to sense God saying that now it's time to get back to something more focused, private and intentional than just relying on Sunday services for my spiritual input (hence relating to you the two incidents above, which are typical of recent weeks). Like exercising, it takes discipline to maintain that regular slot in the diary. Unfortunately, I'm not very disciplined. I'm one of the laziest bums I know! This is going to be a challenge, but it is something I really value, and I think it's something that will reap tremendous benefits in months and years to come. So I'm going to try again.
Speaking of exercise, I bet regular readers are wondering about my goal of 5,000 steps a day. Well, my stupid step-counter broke. I fixed it, and a day later it broke again. However, I have managed to maintain an attitude of exercise to some extent. While the step-counter was working, I managed to get a feel for how far 4,000 steps is (since that's a distance I walk once a week). I've been trying to motivate myself to get out there and walk, but I'll be honest and say I've yet to have a week where I've managed my 5,000 steps every single day. It's actually a lot further than you think! But, I am persevering with it. This week I've managed 2 days in a row. If I can do it again today, then it will be 4 days in a row because I'm going to do my 4,000 step walk on Friday. Which will make it a good week.
What hasn't helped in terms of exercise is that I've been very busy developing my business website. It's been going well, and I've done a mock-up of it. Now I'm actually building the real thing, based on a few friends' helpful comments on how to improve it. Then it will be a matter of testing the real thing, and finding somewhere to host it. I'd really like it to be up and running by the end of the month, but with the move and the limited time that I have to work on it, I may be pushing the boat out a bit far on that deadline.
Some good news on the job front has arrived. I've been offered a month's teaching work at a very good school in Cape Town, starting a week after we arrive. While this is another obstacle in the way of getting my business up and running, I'm grateful for the work because it means some of the financial pressure is relieved. It also gives Graeme another month to job hunt. At this point I would just like to acknowledge that once again, God has rescued us and reminded me that he will provide for us - even if it is only at the 11th hour! Thank you Lord - you are more faithful than I give you credit for.
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