Laugh a little with me

"Netflix and chill. Because who can afford a TV licence and heating?" Aatif Nawaz

"You know when you're interrogating a fish? Don't bother with the holding the head under water bit." Seymour Mace

"If you are being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead." Olaf Falafel

It's the end of term and, to be honest, I could use a good laugh right about now. This term wasn't much longer than the others, but gosh it has felt it!

Having been such a hectic one, I wanted to take some time to reflect back on why it has been so overwhelming. After all, this year was supposed to be better than last. This was supposed to be the year when I achieved better balance, when I reached the end of the year without having suffered burn-out. So what happened?

Probably the biggest curve ball I've had this year has been my health. I had an op at the end of May (to repair a stomach valve that wasn't working - nothing too hectic), but that was quickly followed by glandular fever. Yeah. That. And it's left me with prolonged fatigue - which is not good for teachers. Of course, I didn't know I'd had it until I eventually went to the doc weeks later, trying to figure out why I was still so utterly exhausted and he gave me a blood test. In between that, I've been struggling with a rotator cuff problem, and could really only use one arm for several weeks.

So, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry! My plans of getting fit and trim this year started off well, but have died a slow death since the end of May. I'm trying not to feel disheartened by the fact, but working up the energy right now to get back on the horse, as it were, is proving impossible.

This year I was going to be more intentional about having creative outlets. And I did - I was very good about doing some painting, and I've done a lot (well, for me anyway!) of crocheting, and I've even blogged a few times this year. But again, dealing with my post-GF fatigue has meant the very last thing I felt I had energy for was being creative. Most days this term I have crawled home, into bed, and pretty much stayed there. But this past week I've started to feel a return of energy. I've started thinking about doing something creative again. Who knows, maybe I will have enough energy to start making Christmas presents.... (it is only 12 weeks away, after all!)... nah! Who am I kidding?

Something I did get right this term though, is that I stepped out of going to cell group and did something I've wanted to for years - I went to help facilitate a group on Alpha. (For those who have done Alpha before, you might enjoy seeing the new films... I really did!) I love my cell group, and I have missed them, but I have equally loved being involved in Alpha again. There is something refreshing about being at the front lines, as it were, of God's Kingdom.

At work, this term I have been faced with a lot of pressure in the area of being a grade head. I have dealt with more discipline situations than I care to think about. I think I've been to, or involved in, 8 or 9 discipline hearings of one sort or another, in about 3 weeks. And by the grace of God, and with the help of my incredible co-grade head, the deputy, and the principal, I have come through them strongly. I feel I can walk away from this term with my head held high at a job well done. But, man-alive!, it has been such an exhausting process.

Another really difficult journey for me this term has been around my purpose. Having been deeply hurt by situations and people at work, at the end of last year I was desperate to leave. However, when I truly surrendered my life and future to God, He made it abundantly clear to me that He has a plan for me where I am, and that where I am is where I am meant to be. Getting my head around His 'no' has not been easy; it is never easy to hear a 'no' to your prayers.

Yet, it has also been such a good process. So much has come from it - a peace and contentment in knowing I'm in the right place, a joy in knowing that I can hear from God (still something I battle with after two big life events back in the 2000's), an excitement for the future to see what God is going to do in and through me, a sense of wonder that God thinks my faith is mature enough to handle His 'no' (which is not to imply that if it weren't God would have said yes), a deep and abiding sense of God's love for me, and healing in some of the relationships and situations that were broken. I can truly say I am grateful for the struggle I have been through.

There is one who has stood by me through this term, who has supported me this term, and loved me through some tough times. To my incredible husband, without whose sacrificial love, service and support it would not be possible for me to do what I do, I want to say I am deeply deeply grateful, and that I love you. You are the best friend and husband any woman could wish for. You are the rock that keeps me anchored and the wind that lifts my sails.

Of course, if I start counting the people who have stood by me this year, I need to acknowledge my kids too. There is nothing like a hug from them when I get home from a very hard day, or at the start of what I know will be a trying day, to bring the sunshine back into my world and remind me that work is not all there is in life. And my parents... I still need them and their support and love, and they still faithfully give that to me. I am eternally grateful to them for their continued love and support.

There is a season for everything under heaven. Now is the season to celebrate, and laugh - and laugh deeply - because I have made it to the end of this term! I am more than exhausted, but I am alive. I have been hard-pressed, but I am not crushed. I have been surrounded by enemies, but I have fought clear. I have been wounded, but I have survived. And this is all thanks to my God, whose everlasting arms are underneath, who has forgiven me and carried me and fought for me and provided for me and loved me unconditionally through it all. To God be the glory - great things He has done!

I forgot my cell phone when I went to the toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.

Blue sky in sight

I can honestly say I cannot recall a time, other than new motherhood, when I have been as tired - both mentally and physically. While the 3rd term is always a busy one, this one was officially bad for me.

I had surgery at the end of May, and shortly after my return to work I fell ill. At the time my doc and I put it down to a virus, contracted because my immune system was down post-surgery. But I just did not seem to recover. Exams came and went, and I was still under the weather.  Holidays came and went, but I worked through most of it authoring digital material for a publishing house. What shots have taken me a week took nearly 3, because I just wasn't at my best.

Then term started. We were straight into PTL meetings and reports, and then it was preparation for CT Expo, and ballet performances at Baxter, and ballet eisteddfods, and setting matric exams, and marking marking marking (projects and tests and practicals and exams). And in the midst of all that I was getting sicker, not healthier. I went back to the doc, and the upshot of it all is that somewhere along the way after my surgery I had had glandular fever.

My only lasting symptom is the post-viral fatigue. And what fatigue it is! Where normally I would come home and work after the kids had gone to bed, now I found myself falling into bed too. Nowadays I find I can barely move out of bed on the weekends (& my garden is suffering as a result).

But finally, I can see blue sky at the end of the tunnel. I have one last big project - some more authoring -  to finish before the end of term, and then it is holidays for a week. I have never wanted a holiday more than I do right now. If nothing else, this illness has given me new compassion for those with chronic illnesses, and renewed gratitude for health and life. Praise be to God for bringing me safely thus far!

Which way now?

I think I must be having a mid-life crisis. Or something. I've been feeling for a while now that I need a change of scenery. I've been praying about it, but my problem is that I don't really trust myself to hear God correctly.

Why? Well, that's a long story.  Let's just say that once upon a time I thought I heard God tell me something really, really, super big, and lots of people agreed with me. Several months down the line though, I found out I had heard wrong ... or maybe I just got the timing wrong ... or maybe the point was for me to walk the road but it had never been God's intention for me to reach the destination. Whatever the reason, not reaching the destination nearly killed me (metaphorically speaking, that is). So now I don't trust that I can hear God correctly.

Which is a big bummer, because I (along with all followers of the Way) am called to a life of faith. That means regularly talking and listening to God, hearing from Him where to go and what to do or say, and then doing/ saying that.

But back to my story. I've been praying and trying to listen, but I'm not sure that what I'm hearing is from God.  It could just be my heart's voice, telling me what I want to hear.

Anyway, I decided to push on the door, as they say, to test the waters... Maybe find some new scenery. Not just one door either - three doors. I am hoping that two of them won't open, leaving one which (I hoped) is the one I am supposed to walk through.

But, whether it is Murphy's Law, or God at work, or just that phenomenon that when you have made a decision you suddenly have second thoughts, I suddenly find myself feeling that I love my current scenery and don't want to leave. My emotions are so fickle!

There's that kid suffering with depression who has connected with me, and that other kid who treats me as her mother, or that other kid who just loves me and showers me with tokens of appreciation, or that other kid that I think I've finally got through to, or that class that I've finally won over, or that other class I have such fun with, or that staff member I love connecting with, or those incredibly talented kids who make me so proud when they choose to shine... there are lots of reasons to love my current scenery.

But there are reasons to leave too... I don't want to go into them here, but they are pretty heavy. On bad days, they are all I see.

So how do I really discern what God is saying? Should I stay, or go? How do I remove my fickle emotions from the equation and just listen to God? How can I be sure about which way to go?

I'm praying that once I've pushed on all 3 doors one will swing wide open, while the other 2 will stay closed. I'm hoping it will be that obvious.

I want to make the best decision here, not for me, but for God's kingdom. I want to get the direction right. Everything else is just details.

But there's this annoying small voice in my head telling me that, probably, this time God expects me to listen to the subtle, still voice and trust that I'm hearing right. Scary stuff!! What if I get it wrong again? I don't want to miss God's best because I made the wrong choice.

I wish I had a fleece to throw outside overnight... you know... a bargaining tool with God, to test the waters. (Oh wait.. actually, I have two!! Dare I use one in that way???)

It's pointless asking for people's opinions, because sometimes God asks us to do the most seemingly ridiculous thing (like God becoming human - who would ever have predicted that?), the thing everyone warns us against (like Jesus going to Jerusalem when his disciples told him he would die if he went), or the thing we really don't want to (like Jesus asking the Father to give him a way out from the cross).

That's what I would love. I would love for someone else to just tell me what to do. That would be the easy way. But since when does God ever take the easy option? The wide road leads to death. The narrow road leads to life.

So here I am again... in a place of humbly waiting on God. Which I guess is the whole point. Which way now? I still don't know, but I'm trusting that God does, and that in his time he will tell me.

Is there any hope for the SA education system?

One of the sessions at the Global Leadership Summit was a talk by Allen Catherine Kagina. She heads up Uganda's Revenue Authority, i.e. the tax collection system. Over the past 10 years she has taken this corrupt and inefficient system and turned it around completely. 

Granted, she did take some pretty dramatic steps, like firing absolutely every single person in this government department and making hem reapply for their position. She did this so that only this most honest and competent people would end up working for her. 

If we tried that here, with our education department, to get rid of both incompetence and corruption, there is no doubt that SADTU would throw a frothy. (I doubt that Naptosa would, because they aren't politically motivated the way that SADTU is.) Never the less, that remains a tempting action.

Yet, all that she has accomplished, she did in a relatively short space of time. The URAhas gone from vying for first place as the most corrupt organisation in Uganda to having her staff head hunted by UN, WHO, etc. because of their high level of integrity.

Is it possible that this could happen in SA's education system? Is it possible that this failing institution, rife with incompetency, could be turned around?

I was sure that it couldn't. I had washed my hands of this system, given up, content to just influence the small number of children I teach and colleagues I interact with. I had become completely disillusioned with the DBE and the provincial governments. 

But now? 

Having heard Allen speak about what God can do, having heard about how the URA has changed completely, I believe the same is potentially true for us. 

YES, I believe there is hope for education in SA. Why? Because The God we serve is a big God, for whom nothing is impossible. NOTHING.

What will it take to make this happen? Prayer, and lots of it, and leadership - strong, ethical, visionary leadership. 

I hear God call - 'Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?' And my heart responds - 'Here am I. Send me.'

Make time for friends

Life is busy. Always. I keep telling myself that next week will be calmer, or the week after that. If I'm realistic though, my life never slows down, except maybe when we go away as a family at the end of the year. I'm realizing afresh that if I'm not careful, my life will control me, instead of the other way around.

I was struck by a comment in an inspirational email sent to me recently: make time for friends. 

Make time.... This is an admission that time is in short supply in our lives. At a recent parenting workshop someone mentioned that for every hr you spend working, instead of playing with your kids, is like failing to have spent 100 hours with them. I'm not sure how that was calculated, but it reminded me of that well-known maxim: when you die, what will you regret - having worked those few extra hours, or not having spent those few extra hours with your loved ones? 

Make time.... This is an active process. This requires me to get off my butt and actively do something. Whether it is rescheduling things, or saying no to some things, or phoning that person to book a time to see them, this requires more from me than the 'let's get together sometime' euphemism.

Make time for friends. Loved ones are more important than work. In the daily juggle between the things that are urgent, important or both urgent and important, very often the things that are only important get shoved down the list of priorities. Friends, family and relationships are important. Work is urgent. If I don't work now, I won't meet that deadline; I won't be paid; I will miss that fabulous opportunity which could really boost my business.... There are 1001 reasons why we have to work NOW. Work is urgent. People, though, are important. 

Without our relationships, what is all that work worth? Making time to be with family and friends is important on so many levels, yet in my own life, I often put work above people. I become impoverished as a result - I feel isolated, unloved, misunderstood, tired, joyless, stressed, guilty, to name but a few. Don't misunderstand me - I LOVE my job, I love my work. I find my work energizing (for the most part), but when I don't spend enough time with people, the pendulum swings too far to one side, and I become a horrible person.

I need to connect to people around me, irrespective of whether I am an introvert or extrovert. I need to connect to peopleat a deep level, regularly, to laugh with them, have fun with them, be accountable to them and hold them accountable, so that I can be the best possible me I can be.

Make time for friends.

What one thing will you do this weekend to make time for friends, family and loved ones?

A well-deserved weekend off

This week was the Cape Town Expo. This is the regional stage of the national science fair for kids from Grade 6-12. I am part of the (volunteer) organizing committee. This week has been in the making since the start of the year, and for everyone involved it is a very stressful week.

This year, I am amazed at how much it has taken out of me, particularly as this year ran much more smoothly than previous years. Maybe I'm just more run down in general, but even after a nap yesterday afternoon, a lie in this morning, and another nap this afternoon, I still feel totally wiped out.

Expo is such a great cause though! The aim is to support teaching and learning of [all types of] science. It is so wonderful to wander around and see nearly 400 projects, which (in theory, at any rate) represent the best our schools have to offer in the greater Cape a Town area.

I took 20 projects this year, and of those, 14 received a medal and 3 received special awards. This is a fabulous result for the school, and for my team of teachers back at school. For those kids who sweated blood and tears (especially for those who were involved in the school play, or the musical Gala  evening, or the High School Jam competition, or a combination of these, all of which took olace the week before or this weekend after!) it was worth it. Their medal is true recognition of their hard work and dedication! I am truly proud to be associated with these extraordinary kids and their hard-working teachers.

I am already looking forward to next year, even as my body feels like it has been wrung out and run over. 

But I'm thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to just lie in bed and not think about school, marking, settling papers or planning lessons.

Gratitude day #20

Sigh. The end of the holidays is upon us. Tomorrow is back to work (officially - teachers always do school work during the holidays) for me and back to school for the kids. I am already feeling rather overwhelmed and a bit panicky about all the work that is waiting for me.

BUT! I am grateful to have a job, particularly one that is secure and (relatively) untouched by the current financial climate. I am grateful for my work environment, as many teachers have to work with large classes in small venues, with unmotivated colleagues (or students!), in dangerous surrounds where gang warfare and drugs are an everyday event. I am grateful to work with people who appreciate my efforts and don't take all my additional hours for granted.

So tomorrow I will get up with a smile on my face, despite my trepidation about returning to work, and give thanks for all that God has given me.

Working prisoners - a multi-faceted solution for our city?

Today I read the following post by Terri Noskov on Facebook:

WE NEED THIS GUY IN OUR PRISON SYSTEMS 

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.............

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx.$18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him.. Cost us $78.

The prisoners get the benefit of about $0..28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals..

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.

He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later.... We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and
vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the
border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail':

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but 'G' movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination.

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel. When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs.

He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value. When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton......If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'

More On The Arizona Sheriff:

With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:
About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached
138 Degrees Inside The Week Before. Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their
Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS. 'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has
Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear, But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes, So Shut Your Mouths!'

Way To Go, Sheriff!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

Obviously, our system of justice is different. Our prison system is different. However, wouldn't it be amazing to have the same kind of practical, levelheadedness when it comes to the running of our cities?

Can you imagine, in Cape Town, if we could use chain gangs to create infrastructure for townships? Our prisons are overflowing, yet sitting in them is the man (and woman) power to literally dig and lay thousands of trenches for all the water & sewage pipes, and electrical cabling, needed to provide flush toilets for all the townships. (Yes, we would need to rehouse many people to be able to put this infrastructure in place, and getting that planning permission to create new suburbs, and getting people to agree to move, is difficult.)

Imagine if we used prisoners to grow and harvest their own food. Not only would they be learning valuable skills, but they would be saving taxpayers oodles of money.

Imagine if we used prisoners to care for all the stray pets? 

Not only does work give a person a sense of self-worth, which is VITAL, but working the soil, working with animals, it does something to a person. There is something to be said for working with living things that can't talk back to you. Research shows that the elderly and the young benefit from living with pets. Surely working with pets will also be beneficial to the souls of prisoners? And farming... I know that not everyone is stimulated by working in the garden, or planting things, but working the soil brings peace and restores the soul. There is some mystical connection between us and the earth - we are all, after all, created things.

What if we trained prison gangs to remove alien vegetation and plant fynbos - as part of the Working on Water, or Working on Wetlands projects? Imagine the amount of water that we could save! (Imagine the money we could save too, not having to employ people to do this.)

What about sorting rubbish? If we used prisoners to sort rubbish into recyclable materials, not only would we be saving the earth, but they could then use the very recyclable materials they sorted to generate income. There is already an arts programme in several prisons, teaching prisoners how to be artists. They could use the recyclable materials in their art work. Or they could make useful items and sell those. (Or, worst case, they could simply send the stuff to the city's recycling plants.)

What if we used our prisoners to build better prisons? I would imagine that on the site of current prisons there is space to put up additional buildings.

Or what about getting them to build houses for those on the city's waiting list for RDP houses?

Or what about getting them to cook food for the homeless?

Or what about getting them to make park benches and clean up parks?

Or what about teaching them how to sew and knit, and getting them to make blankets and clothing for those who are affected by the flooding on the Cape Flats every year, and prepare disaster relief packages in advance?

And that's just thinking about things to do here in this city. I don't know what needs other cities might have, but I'm sure there's a lot prisoners could be doing, to give back to the city that is paying for their upkeep, to give back to the communities they have robbed, threatened, destroyed, killed members of...

The devil makes work for idle hands. By teaching our prisoners skills, by giving them work, by helping them to be useful we give them a sense of self-worth, a vision for the future, hope for what might happen when they have served their time. In the same way that we need programmes for our teens, to keep them off the streets and off drugs, we need programmes in our prisons to help those who seem beyond help.

Or am I just being a hopeless romantic? If it can be done by one sheriff in the USA, then why can't it happen here in Cape Town?

All I want is a room somewhere..

...far away from the cold night's air...

and how cold it has been! Snow on the Langeberg mountains around Cape Town this weekend... maybe we should take a drive up and play in it before it melts. Hmmm...

But why am I singing about a room somewhere? Because right now, all I want is a quiet place, with no-one else around, where I can read, sleep and relax, with no thought about work. Ek is uitgeput en gedaan. Work has been good, mostly (although I've had a few crises this week that have left me drained and demotivated), but between work and the freelancing I'm doing, and Expo, I am feeling very thinly spread.

So just say no, right? That's that answer, right? Sadly, it isn't. We are seriously cash strapped - these petrol increases and poor Rand: Dollar/ Pound rates are taking their toll, in addition to all the unexpected medical and car bills we've had. Rather than live off the credit card, which is never an option, I've taken on additional work. Not heaps, but enough to help us with our day to day expenses so that we can begin to pay off the credit card.

With this long weekend, I would love nothing more than to spend the weekend relaxing with my family, but I have Expo work to do, and school work to do, and freelance work to do. But I also need time off.

And so the tussle begins. Where do I draw the line? Don't get me wrong - I love my job (except for marking!), I love my freelance stuff, I love Expo, but I do not love the amount of time it takes to do all of these things. When I die, my last thoughts are not going to be how I should have spent more time working. Rather, they will be that I should have spent more time with my kids, with my hubbie, with my family, with my friends.

So - against my better judgement, this weekend, I am going to TAKE TIME OFF. I am going to lie in bed and read. I am going to play with my kids. I am going to go for a run and go to gym and walk the dogs. I am going to look after the introverted part of me that just needs some peace and quiet.

Because if I don't, I might just kill someone.

Android, God and someone pushing me around

At work we've been talking about tablets in education for over 2 years now. It's been a slow discussion. Painfully slow. Much slower than I would have liked.

I'm a huge fan of tablets. HUGE! I just happen to prefer Android tablets to Apple. I like Apple, don't get me wrong. The interface is beautiful, and both the screen resolution and sensitivity are brilliant. I just prefer Android.

Why? Because I don't like proprietary stuff. I don't like to be tied into anything where to change it becomes a huge hassle. (For that reason I was on a prepaid/ PAYG cell phone contract for about 10 years.) I don't like the fact that you can only work with Apple created files on other Apple products.

What I do like about it, is the same thing I love about Android. I love the fact that my phone and my gmail and my Google+ and my blogger all sync nicely together. Apple does that nicely too between iphone and ipad and mac.

What I love most about Android is that it's open source though - anyone can build and develop for it. I've always said that 2 heads are better than one, and many more are better. When you're trying to innovate, having more people attack the problem from a variety of different angles is more likely to produce innovative solutions.

Yes, it does open the door for viruses.

But I approach it like this: When God made the world, he could have opted to not give us free choice. Had he done that, there would be no evil (no viruses). However, he preferred to allow us to mess up in return for the creativity of a real relationship with him.

I see Android a bit like that.

Apple have gone the route of being closed down. Every app has to be vetted and can only be sold on official platforms. In other words, only Apple staff can decide whether a particular app is suitable for me (the average user) or not. They view it as trying to protect the user's experience, to protect them from harm. But only children have to be protected from harm. Adults stand on their own two feet and make their own decisions about whether something is dangerous or not.

I like the decision God made - to give me the choice. It's tough, and it's dangerous, and most of the time I get it wrong. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't like to be pushed around, or told what to think, or how to act, or what to buy, or what to say.* (As I've aged, I've learnt the value of submission, but that's a different context and discussion, for another time.)

While many of the Apple apps are beautiful and functional, there are many apps that do exactly the same thing, for free (in many cases) on Android. They may not look as pretty, but they're just as functional. (And the paid ones usually look just as pretty... it's just that I'm also a cheapskate and refuse to pay for anything when there's a free version available.) So if I'm faced with using an app that is proprietary, or one that isn't; one that is paid for or one that is free; every single time I will choose the non-proprietary free one, or even the non-proprietary paid one.

So I'm an Android girl. I'll nail my colours to the mast.

However...

I'm not actually anti-Apple. I think Apple products are amazing. And as much as it pains me to say so, the user experience with the average ipad compared to the average Android tablets shows that ipads just are better. Not by much, grant you, but they are better. If you take the top of the range models, then Android is comparable, if not better. But for your average run of the mill person, who can't afford the latest Asus, or Galaxy tab, most ipads beat most Android tablets. And often, Android lags behind Apple in innovation (take Apple TV vs Google Tv, as an example).

This leaves me with a crisis of faith. Do I stay with what I know, love and am passionate about; or do I go with the product that at the price I, as an average person, can afford, will give me the better user experience? (If money were no object, this would be a no-brainer for me, but  money doesn't grow on trees - especially not for poor teachers, like me! Anyone willing to sponsor me to purchase the latest Asus or Galaxy tab???)

The reason this has all come up is because I went to another ipad in education presentation today. I have to say that what I saw was impressive - far more so than any of the previous presentations I've been to. All the previous ones have tried to do the flashbang whizz stuff, and come off as being arrogant, showy and using technology for technology's sake.

(I love gadgets, so personally I think technology for technology's sake is cool - but when you're there to evaluate it as a tool for education, then that's a different story. I want to see that, pedagogically, it makes sense. I don't want to see translation of activities, I want to see transformations.)

But today.... that really was a fabulous presentation (Abdul Chohan from ESSA Academy in Bolton, UK). For the first time, I felt that many of my objections were being taken seriously, not just brushed aside. I felt that, for the first time, there were viable solutions for me, for the school. (And actually, there are lots of free, really great apps on ipad too... and several that are cross-platform.)

CRISIS! Whatever the decision, I need to make it soon - in the next few weeks. I need to purchase a tablet so that I can continue to stay at the cutting edge and do my job properly. (How I'm going to afford one, I have absolutely no idea.) Tough decision ahead.


*In fact, #1 and I had a very similar conversation this evening. She was whining about something and I said no, just because she was whining. If she'd just spoken to me properly, in a normal voice, she would have got what she wanted. After her little tantrum we had a discussion and she asked me why I hated it when she whined. It's a question I've never really considered, but as I did, I realised that it makes me feel like she's trying to manipulate me - either through her tears, or through her tone of voice, or because she just tries to wears me down so I will give in - and I hate being manipulated, or even feeling like I'm being pushed in a particular direction. That just pushes all my buttons, and I will dig my heels in and refuse. It's not that the direction is wrong, it's just that I don't like to be pushed around. She got that. Let's hope that it makes a difference next time!

From zero to hero

After the ultra lows of this past weekend, today I had a fabulous little "pick me up". I needed the encouragement so badly, and God knew that.

Today I received an email from an ex-pupil. I've removed the personal info, but essentially, this is what the email said:

I finally realized why everybody has made such a big deal about how different varsity is compared to school. They are two worlds apart! I thought matric was tough, until the real world gave me a wake up call.

Anyway, I'm sending you this email in order to personally thank you for the way you have taught me in my senior years, especially last year. 

Last year, I struggled to understand why you flew through work, why you didn't check homework, but trusted that we did it. I struggled to understand why you'd force us to do extra reading around the subject and why you put the onus on us to take down effective notes everyday in class. But most of all, I struggled to understand why you told us to give "100%" in every class. Even though I struggled to understand your teaching methods, I adapted accordingly in order to keep up. It has been the best decision I have made.

I realized recently that your teaching methods had prepared me for the real world. It has taught me self discipline, perseverance and resilience. It had taught me to work effectively on a daily basis in order to stay on track and cope with the work load and demands of varsity. The way you did things last year has taught me that lecturers really don't care about you, and that the onus is all on you!

So, thank you for doing what you did. I appreciate every little thing - besides subject related work- that you've taught me with your teaching methods. The values and skills it instilled in me has made varsity manageable and I am far more effective than I could imagine.

Not much tops that! Wow! There is something incredible about knowing I've made a difference to this life. It makes it all worth while - all the stress, and heart ache, blood, sweat and tears. Teaching is a vocation, not a job. I don't get paid enough for what I do, but the knowledge that I'm helping to build the future of this country, that I'm changing lives... that is some compensation. (I'd still love the cash ;) but this is good too!)

Not this year, she ain't!

I used to think I was a disciplinarian, that I had such great discipline in my class. And I do. I mean, my classes work, and pay attention, on the whole. I've realised though, that I'm not actually all that strict. I achieve what I do by making my lessons interesting, but I don't actually set the highest standards for my classes in terms of what I want them to achieve. Oh, I talk a good talk, but I've realised that anyone who watches me teach any class other than a top set will quickly realise that my expectations of mixed ability and bottom set groups is low, and that becomes a self-fulling prophecy.

As with most teachers, I guess, I focussed on certain things, and left other things undone, unnoticed, or deliberately ignored. (Others, like chewing gum, I spot a mile away. Don't bother coming near me with gum in your mouth - I will see it, and you will be punished.) Because of the nature of teenagers, this ultimately led to difficulties later in the year, as the kids pushed boundaries to find out how elastic they were, and I got increasingly tired of battling the same fires.

While I recognise what is possible for me given my personality type, level of involvement at school and at home, something had to change. Why? Because I have a class of kids who have been specially placed in my class purely on the basis that they are underperforming. This year, I have taken upon myself, as subject head, the responsibility for sorting these kids out. Huge task. (I speak as someone who was an underperformer at school, and thus as one who has been at the receiving end of many programmes to attempt to make me perform.) Maybe impossible. Yet, I have to try. Thus, in this one class I have made an agreement with myself that I will sweat the small stuff. The talk I talk must match the walk I walk. They must achieve 50% or more, because I say so, because they are capable of it, because it's good for them. To do so though, means that I have to sweat the small stuff with this group. I simply have to set the standard and refuse to deviate.

Some in this class have been taught by me before. They were expecting me to be the same as last year. They were under the misapprehension that I would be laid back, and not really care about the small stuff. And they were WRONG.

I have been keeping tight records on the small stuff - textbooks not covered, books not brought to class, stationery missing, homework not done, late to class, assignments not handed in on time - and I have been emailing home. With this class, I am prepared to take the 2 mins out of the lesson to stop the class and email the offending child's parents. Right there. In front of the class. And I have been following up. I have already issued 2 DTs, and I don't usually give DT's. (The debate about the worth of DT is something to be had at another time. Suffice to say that for me, in this moment, with this class, DT works.)

The result? My students from last year commented today that "You mean business this year" (or words to that effect). You bet your bottom Rand I do. This year, if you fail, it will not be because I did not do my utmost to help you. It will be because you failed to meet the minimum expectations and because your parents failed to help you meet those expectations. It will be because you lied to yourself, to me, to your parents.

In this class, you will arrive on time, bring your books to class, do your homework, bring your stationery, listen attentively, ask questions, engage with the work, hand in assignments on time, and generally get off your lazy backside. I am no longer accepting your half-hearted efforts as meeting the minimum standard. You will bring your best effort to my class, because you deserve it and I deserve it. That's "all" there is to it.

(Of course, I'm simply going to avoid asking the all-important question of whether I can go against the grain of my own habitual teaching practices and sustain this for the full academic year... It's one class. I can do this. Right?)

What's it feel like to be a hamster?

Two weeks into school, and already it feels like I'm a hamster on a wheel, running and running and running, but getting nowhere. This is NOT the way life is meant to be. I've already got sick - a cold and laryngitis. Looking ahead, life continues to be busy right through to June. Something has to change. I can't have another year like last year.

If you've read my previous posts, you'll be aware that I have two new year's resolutions - firstly, to get 7 hours of sleep a night, and secondly, to lose weight (both to avoid developing diabetes and to just feel better about myself) by changing my diet and exercising more.

To be honest, my determination to stick to them is being tested to the limit. I have so much work to do that it's tempting to give up on exercise and stay up late to have enough time to finish everything. As my stress levels rise, my desire to comfort eat and to eat easy-to-cook meals (that contain wheat or sugar) rise too.

I'm proud of myself though - I've lost 3kgs already in about 3 weeks. Only 7 more to go to reach my goal. I know the closer to my goal I get, the more difficult it will be to lose them. I can't give up now. If there's nothing I can do about the busy-ness of my life, then I have to protect both my diet and my rest (exercise) time, or I will burn out.

I'm learning an important lesson here. While I'm exercising, I'm tempted to give up, or not to push too hard. Yet, I'm learning how to focus on small goals - the next tree, or light pole, or street corner, or bench - to keep running and not to give up just yet. I've learnt that I can run further than I thought I could, if I focus on small goals.

In this season of hamster living, I need to focus on the small things. To stick to my plan, I can't focus on the end goal. I need to focus on the next small step. What is that step? It's a day and a week at a time.

TONIGHT: I will get 7 hours sleep.
TOMORROW: I will eat heathily. I will try to walk my 10 000 steps, I will drink lots of water and I will NOT, I repeat: I will NOT feel guilty if the work cannot be completed in the hours that God has given for work to be done.

The circle of life turns crookedly

Next year will be my 20th reunion... SCARY! I can't believe that I've officially been out of school longer than I was in it.

Today marked a rather special event for me - the first Valedictory that I have ever organised. 20 years ago, it was me sitting in those seats. Today, it is me standing in the background, organising and directing.

This was also a special event for me as this was the matriculation of the Gd 8s who started at the school in the same year I started working there. To them, I have always been at the school. There are some special kids (as there are in any year) in this group, but all the more so because I've walked the entire road with them through their high school years.

I have sat through, including my own, 13 valedictory services. As long as I continue to work in a school, I have another 11 years to go before my eldest child sits in those chairs, and a further 4 years until my youngest does - by then, a total of 28. This service was my aunt-in-law's (who happens to work at the same school...) 28th... AT THIS ONE SCHOOL! To me, 28 feels like such a HUGE number of services to have attended.

As the grade head who spoke today pointed out, there is a lot of maths in today's date. Today is 12/10/2012. The matrics are grade 12. Grade 12 used to be known as Standard 10. If you add up 2 + 0 + 1 + 2 = 5, which is the number of years one (usually) spends at high school. Pretty cool, eh?

And so turns another year in the circle of life... another group of prefects and RCL appointed... another group of Gd 12s move off into the big wide world... and yet, for those of us left behind, life goes on as it always has: lessons continue as normal from Monday. In many respects, it feels like nothing much has changed.

"She will always carry on.
Something is lost, but something is found.
They will keep on speaking her name.
Some things change, some stay the same."

4 weeks and counting

For the first time in ages, I feel like I've had some time for me - time to reflect, time to blog, time to read. You know that you're too busy when the thought of logging on and tapping out a quick post makes you want to stick your head down the loo and flush! Well - for me, at least.

Things have been incredibly tough of late - on all fronts: work-wise, financially, spiritually, personally. Unfortunately, when things become tough, and there's nothing I can do to alleviate the stress, it makes me withdraw from the world. When I can't fix things, I feel helpless, powerless, and as a result I retreat to my cave. Of course, retreating doesn't fix anything either - it just leaves you alone with your thoughts, which isn't very helpful either.

It's been good to have a break. Although it was a holiday at home, and there were chores to complete around the house, it was good to have time off to just do some of the things I enjoy - going to movies, gymming, spending time with my hubby, seeing my friends. The only thing I haven't done is walk on the beach, but there's still time tomorrow, if the weather cooperates. :)

During this time off I was also able to make a decision that I think means next year will be slightly easier (yes, next YEAR, not next month, or next term!)

Of course, the work is already piled up for next term, and I'm already dreading it. Hopefully though, I've had enough time off to be sufficiently pulled back from the edge that I'm not going to snap. I just keep reminding myself that it's only 4 weeks to go, and then we're into exams. Only 4 weeks.

Worker worth his wages?

It's that time if year again when the unions strike as part of their wage negotiations.
The miners have ben on strike for weeks now, with many dead after the cops opened fire (although I believe things are more complex than just laying the blame at their feet). Needless to say, the country has lost billions as a result.
Then there is the truck drivers' strike, now in it's 2nd week (I think). ATMs have run out of cash as a result.
On the one hand, I have little sympathy, because their actions have cost the country money, because their requests are out of life with what can realistically be awarded and because they resort to violence, which I am totally opposed to.
On the other hand I feel for them. They work long hours, in dangerous situations, for very little pay. In fact, how they manage to survive on such a small salary is beyond me.
The amount we pay someone us a measure of the worth we ascribe to them. As a poory paid teacher, I know about that, although I get more than either a money our a truck driver.
A friend recently had her eyes opened to the worth ascribed to teachers as evidenced by their pay skip when she became a school treasurer. Working in marketing, not only are the salaries exorbitant but the bonuses are ludicrous. When teachers work overtime, which we do, we get an honorarium of a few hundred rands. Compare that with overtime in marketing, where you would get several thousand our even trends of thousands of rands for the same amount of time and effort.
Or look at Mr Zuma's salary...one of the biggest in the world, and we've got a third world economy....
Something is just so wrong with this picture. From this perspective, I can almost see myself becoming a communist. Yet, there should be some justice somewhere.
How is it that someone who designs an as for a drug like nicotine, while exploiting women to do so should earn in one month what a miner earns in a year? Mining its our primary industry, which brings in bucket loads of foreign cash into the country, while the advert only promotes drug abuse and self-destruction. Where is the justice in that?
How do we fix this though? If the miners receive their demands (and again, I've heart rumours that they are supposed to be receiving the amount they are demanding, but a fat cat I won't name is pocketing the difference) then as a teacher I feel my salary should increase by about R4000-5000 nett per month as well. And what about our police, armed forces and health care professionals?
What are we worth, SA? Those of us who are working to keep this country functioning, or are generally working to promote our future as a nation - what are we worth to you?

The WCED on Twitter

I am often disparaging about the WCED, and the national education dept as a whole, because I feel that (as an organisation) it is incompetent, meddlesome and increases teacher stress by increasing teacher workloads.

However, every now and again there are individuals within it that utterly amaze me. When I come across them I feel compelled to laud them, not just because they deserve it, but because I feel that I need to give praise as much and as often as I can, given that I run the organisation down so often.

So... I was AMAZED to read this blog post by a WCED top honcho about why you need to be on Twitter. I was amazed because he actually operates in my universe. I was amazed because he writes so eloquently. I was amazed because he works for the WCED and yet operates in my universe while writing eloquently (and no, that's not the same point as the first two!)

Go Hendrik Mentz!! You rock!!

Educational technology

For those who are not in the know (i.e. you aren't on the Christmas newsletter list, aren't on Facebook/ Twitter and don't email/ phone/ sms ... we still love you though!) I have a new responsibility at work. I have been given a reduced teaching timetable in order to pick up responsibility for educational technology.

This is a new post at the school, so I'm kind of figuring it out as I go. Essentially, the post has several key priorities - research the current educational technology (from clickers to making use of cell phones in school, to making use of Moodle or anything else vaguely related to schools and learning); creating a holistic & integrated approach for the implementation of EdTech at our school; training of staff in all & anything that will improve their job (i.e. learning how to use email or Excel, or Skype, or whatever).

It's a very exciting post, and I'm loving it already. Of course, as with any job, there are frustrations, but on balance, I think I'm really going to have a fun year. I get to play with gadgets and the web and stuff and call it work! Sigh! Such a hard life!!

NIMBY - Not in my back yard.

People are very happy for laws to be changed and enforced, as long as it doesn't affect them. We all agree that speeding kills, but we still speed, because ... oh because of a hundred little lies we tell ourselves. "I'm going to be late", which actually means "I'm so much more important than anyone else that it doesn't matter if I speed and kill someone, because they're not important and I am."

We all agree that in order to respect people's humanity, we should treat others with the same dignity and respect we would wish to be treated ourselves. We cluck over the behaviour of residents who react violently when a convicted paedophile moves into their neighbourhood. Yet, if a convicted paedophile should move into OUR neighbourhood, then suddenly our fears would allow us to justify our own aggressive, and possibly even violent, reactions to that person's presence.

NIMBY.

Today I read this article about a first year teacher who was physically assaulted by a pupil, and has just won her court proceedings against the principal and education department, for failing to protect her from the pupil.

I was shocked as I read it. I wondered where this horrendous incident occurred. As I read further I got my answer: in my backyard. The school in question is in the next suburb to me. Suddenly, I can no longer stand and cluck at a distance. If it had happened in a school on the Cape Flats, or in a township, it would have been far enough away from me that I could just shake my head and wonder "How could the principal be so reckless?" But now that it's in my backyard, I'm forced to take a long hard look at my own school, at my own actions, at whether I might have made the same error in judgement as that principal.

Suddenly, I am confronted with my own hypocrisy. And that, too, is shocking.

Fame! Baby, remember my name!

So it seems that my name is about to get known in education circles. I got an email today from a WCED chap who would like to profile (pending all the bureaucratic yay-saying) my previous post on one of their email newsletter-type of thingys. (I never know what to call them - they're essentially email group membership list reminders, but can be used to disseminate other info too.) He obviously had a search term for the WCED (or similar) in his Google Alerts RSS.

While I'm flattered, and while I'm happy for others to read my blog, at the same time it makes me nervous. I have always known that complete strangers read my blog. I have no problem with that. I'm never going to meet you, you will never really know the people I'm talking about, so it's felt rather like going to a psychologist. I can tell you anything because you're anonymous and what you know can't hurt anyone because you don't know me or my family.

But of late I've begun to realise that there are increasing (although still very small) numbers of people reading my blog who, while currently strangers, have the potential to be people I will know through other circumstances. I find that a bit unnerving. It's one thing NEVER meeting someone who knows about me; it's quite another meeting someone who does. It's like meeting a stalker, except not. (And no, I don't consider you all to be stalkers! Let's just clarify that before someone complains.)

On the one hand, the fact that anyone else would really want to read my musings is vastly gratifying as I write predominantly (although not exclusively) as a record for myself, or as a reflection on my life for myself. (Reflection, for me, is a version of meditation. It helps me keep perspective.)

On the other, I do worry about my kids, my hubby, my family and my real-life-in-the-flesh friends. I'm a WYSIWYG kind of girl. I don't hide behind (or at least, I try very hard not to, but sometimes my insecurities get the better of me) pretensions here. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Unfortunately, in the telling-it-as-it-really-is scenario, I also say things that open me up to things like identity theft.

And this is what worries me.

I talk about my kids here, my family, my friends, my daily life. I muse on all matters. However, I'm not sure that I want to open my life up too much to those with the criminal bent who might just decide to take my life (metaphorically speaking) from me. (Yet the thought of constantly having to censor my thoughts fills me with enough dread to stop writing entirely.)

Or is that just my paranoia rearing its head again?

Did I tell you that the family 3 doors down from us were held up at gunpoint last weekend? No? Yes, well, they were. My reactions are a bit all over the place. Firstly, HOW DARE anyone with a criminal bent come into our little street and perpetrate any kind of violence?

Secondly, I have become anxious: we are the last house in the complex, next to an open field, so very vulnerable; our doggies aren't half as vicious as the dog in the home 3 doors down (who still got held up); you can't see all the potential hiding places from our gate very easily (coming home I can change the route I drive to be able to see them all, but the time that really worries me is leaving home, because then I can't see them all, so will be driving blind, as it were....).

Thirdly, I want to shrug my shoulders and say "well ya shouldn't be coming home at 4.30am in the morning in the first place, now should ya?!", but I'm trying to restrain myself desperately, cos I know that if that HAD been me, I would have been scared witless - so a bit of compassion won't go far wrong.

So anyway, maybe my paranoia is not so misplaced after all.

In this day and age when we can be famous for being famous (Miss Bess Stovall from Max Lucado's book 'Best of All' comes to mind...) and where everyone wants to be famous (including me, if I'm honest), fame does have its drawbacks. I really do wonder how the really famous people cope with their lack of privacy.

Of course, I'm not famous, and I'm not even close, but the potential increase in readership of this blog has given me pause for thought. I shall have to think carefully about how I shall respond. I don't want to change this blog into something else. I also don't really want to start another blog for my teaching stuff (although I may have to do that).

Where does that leave me? I guess, in your hands. I'm thrilled that people want to read what I write. All I ask is that you show me some respect regarding the things I say here. That way, I don't have to change what I'm doing, and you still get to read all my drivel. Sound fair to you?