Worker worth his wages?

It's that time if year again when the unions strike as part of their wage negotiations.
The miners have ben on strike for weeks now, with many dead after the cops opened fire (although I believe things are more complex than just laying the blame at their feet). Needless to say, the country has lost billions as a result.
Then there is the truck drivers' strike, now in it's 2nd week (I think). ATMs have run out of cash as a result.
On the one hand, I have little sympathy, because their actions have cost the country money, because their requests are out of life with what can realistically be awarded and because they resort to violence, which I am totally opposed to.
On the other hand I feel for them. They work long hours, in dangerous situations, for very little pay. In fact, how they manage to survive on such a small salary is beyond me.
The amount we pay someone us a measure of the worth we ascribe to them. As a poory paid teacher, I know about that, although I get more than either a money our a truck driver.
A friend recently had her eyes opened to the worth ascribed to teachers as evidenced by their pay skip when she became a school treasurer. Working in marketing, not only are the salaries exorbitant but the bonuses are ludicrous. When teachers work overtime, which we do, we get an honorarium of a few hundred rands. Compare that with overtime in marketing, where you would get several thousand our even trends of thousands of rands for the same amount of time and effort.
Or look at Mr Zuma's salary...one of the biggest in the world, and we've got a third world economy....
Something is just so wrong with this picture. From this perspective, I can almost see myself becoming a communist. Yet, there should be some justice somewhere.
How is it that someone who designs an as for a drug like nicotine, while exploiting women to do so should earn in one month what a miner earns in a year? Mining its our primary industry, which brings in bucket loads of foreign cash into the country, while the advert only promotes drug abuse and self-destruction. Where is the justice in that?
How do we fix this though? If the miners receive their demands (and again, I've heart rumours that they are supposed to be receiving the amount they are demanding, but a fat cat I won't name is pocketing the difference) then as a teacher I feel my salary should increase by about R4000-5000 nett per month as well. And what about our police, armed forces and health care professionals?
What are we worth, SA? Those of us who are working to keep this country functioning, or are generally working to promote our future as a nation - what are we worth to you?

Ethics in business - have your say

I really don't know what to write tonight. For the first time in ages, I feel like I have so much to say, but can't say any of it. This week has been incredibly difficult for me on a personal, emotional level. I've been struggling with an ethical issue and it's left me feeling adrift. I've been struggling to concentrate. Worse, I've been struggling to sleep. As a result, I don't feel I've been very productive this week (although, actually, I have), and I certainly don't feel I've spent enough quality time with either G or J.

This story starts a little while ago. When I set up LL I initially started just by offering advice to pregnant women (well - to anyone interested, but it's only been pregnant women who have asked, thus far!) on nappies: the different types, the pro's and con's of each dependent on their lifestyle, where to buy them, what they cost, etc. Now that I have my own brand, I've tried really hard to continue to offer unbiased advice.

To an extent, it's easy to do - e.g. an all-in-one that isn't a pocket nappy dries very slowly, so is not suitable in Cape Town winters, or humid Durban, but will dry in a jiffy in Jo'burg or the interior (as long as you remember to bring it in before the temp drops).... or that bamboo and hemp give you a much slimmer look because they are much more absorbent so you need less fabric (so they are really good for mothers who despise the bulky look of cloth and love the slim look of disposables), but that also means they take longer to dry - which may be an issue in Cape Town in winter (etc, etc).... or that the birth-to-potty nappy leaks more with newborns than a two-part system because you can't get a really good fit, but is cheaper to buy since you don't have to buy a set of each of two or three different sizes... or which nappies are best if you live in an area with those horrible flies that lay their eggs in your clothes so that you have to iron everything. Etc, etc, etc. For each type, I try to point out good things and bad things, and link it to the client's lifestyle, but I always offer them at least 2 options (usually 3) and then leave the final decision up to them.

However, many of my clients have already done their homework, and they ask me specific questions like how one particular brand compares to another. This is where it becomes difficult, because now that I have my own brand, there is the temptation to say that mine is the best. I've been really good so far though, and have managed to avoid that temptation. But it struck me the other day that I really don't know enough about the other local brands to be able to answer questions authoritatively.

So I decided to do something about that. I started by contacting another company explaining what I do, and that I'd like to purchase some of their products to try on Nellie, so that I could talk about their product with some authority when clients ask me specifically about them. Big mistake number 1! I've not only been threatened with legal action for talking about their product, but have been warned that if I say anything about them on my website they will sue, and I've been told that I have been harassing this person's family and that if I don't stop they will lay a charge against me. I've also been accused of saturating the market. (As if! This person needs to do their market research!... sorry, I don't want to be bitchy. I've been keeping tight rein on my thoughts and emotions all week, but I need to vent somewhere.)

I don't even know where to begin on this one. I take all criticism personally. I also don't like people thinking false things, or badly, about me. That's just me. I understand that this person thinks I'm a threat - I also sell nappies. I understand that this person is worried I will tell clients that their product is rubbish and try to direct all sales to my own products. I get that. I think that's a legitimate fear.

My second mistake was that I responded to the email. I tried to explain, as best I could, that I had pointed several people to their products, rather than my own, because I genuinely believed their product was better for these particular clients, and that I hoped this would prove to them that I am an ethical person. I also pointed out that I could have got a friend to pose as a customer and buy the stock, or I could have bought the stock from a shop. Either way, they would never have known. The fact that I approached them directly should demonstrate that I am an ethical person and that I mean them no harm and that I do not wish to be their enemy. Sadly, they don't see it that way at all. According this person I am not only unethical, but underhanded, devious and bitter that I didn't get onto the market first.

I don't do harassment. Apart from this person's spouse, I don't know anyone else in their family. While it's possible that they've got me confused with someone else, I doubt it. So I've spent several hours and days perplexed by this and racking my brains to try and figure out who I might be harassing. Since the only people I contact (in a business capacity) on a regular basis are my suppliers - who are more than happy to do business with me - I honestly don't have a clue what this person is talking about.

So this has been a miserable week for me. I can't seem to let go off this, because I really, honestly and truly believe the things this person has said are wrong, false and untrue. I am outraged and my sense of fair play has been affronted. I've been maligned and slandered, and I want to hear them acknowledge it, and apologise. That isn't going to happen though, so it seems I am left with someone who believes me to be their enemy. And I hate that. I don't want to be anyone's enemy.

But I know that if I were to call this person, or go to see them, it would be construed as harassment, which would only serve to entrench the wrong views this person already has of me.

This person is, as far as I know, also a Christian. This kind of ... grievance... shouldn't exist between siblings-in-Christ. It's just wrong. Since I'm not perfect, I can accept that I'm not 100% in the right here, but I can't see where I'm in the wrong. I can't see anything I've done that has been unethical, or underhanded, and I definitely can't see how I'm accused of harassment!

I've given my word that my intentions are not to harm this person or their business in any way. But clearly my word isn't good enough.

[As an aside, they also made a comment that I'm not a nappy expert/ authority, and so have no right to make comparisons or give advice. I didn't ask this of them in my reply, because I thought it would be unhelpful, but I'm dying to know what this person would consider a nappy expert! Would it be someone with experience of lots of different brands? Or would it be someone who has extensive knowledge of the different fabric types? Or manufacturing experience? Because I have all of those. Or is there some sort of nappy qualification that one can get that this person would expect me to have? What skills or experience would you expect a nappy expert to have?]

Should I just try to let this go - and if so, how do I do that? Should I try to resolve this with this person - and if so, how do I do that? Is this 'merely' a spiritual issue that needs to be resolved in the heavenlies (ie a specific attack of Satan)? Am I in the wrong here - should I stop offering advice and just sell nappies? WHAT DO I DO???????

"It would take a miracle"

Right now there are so many different themes running through my brain, all fighting for time to be thought through properly. I'm not sure which is more important, or which to really stop and think about first.

I'm struggling with other people's babies again at the moment. I've been fine for absolute weeks, but over the past few days I've felt that scratchy feeling again whenever I see other babies. At first, it's so much a part of the background I don't notice it, but as it grows in strength, it becomes un-ignorable. The worst part is that it isn't even the other babies I'm having a reaction to - it's that I want one and can't have one for a very long time. No, actually, that isn't even it, not really. What it's really about is that someone else has a baby and my baby is gone, and I'm as green as new spring grass. And it's pointless bemoaning how unfair it all is, because that only leads to one place, and I REALLY don't want to go there again. I'm just busy getting pulled out of this hole; I really don't want to fall in again.

Which brings me to the second theme - church. I wasn't able to get to church on Sunday because my family arranged a big family supper. It was lovely, as we haven't all seen each other for weeks and weeks. It was important for me to be there though, to meet one of my dad's best friends in the world, who is also dying of cancer. It was important to tell my dad, in the presence of this friend, how much I love him, to remind him that his (my dad's) life is not over.

(This friend is my dad's 2nd friend to be diagnosed with terminal cancer in a period of 2 weeks. Needless to say, my dad is feeling horrendous and is convinced that his number will be up very shortly too - for those who are new readers to the blog, you may not be aware that my dad had cancer in 2002/3, and not only does his type of cancer recur in 2 out of 3 cases, but should it recur, my dad has already decided not to fight it.)

But it meant that I wasn't at church, and right now I really, really need to be in church every week. I really, really need to connect with God, and right now church is one of the very few places I can do that. So I'm cross that I didn't get to go, and disappointed that I missed out, and frustrated that it's another whole week until church.

Which brings me to the 3rd theme... connecting with God. I am more than slightly in awe of Christian friends who have babies and manage to keep their spiritual lives on track. In fact, I'm just in awe of all Christians who are able to make time in their days to spend alone with God. I know that things are more complicated for me because of the last few years and the significant events that have shaken my entire understanding of God. I know that I have very large trust issues with God at the moment.

A friend recently commented on her blog about her experience of reading 'Hearing God' by Dallas Willard. That's a book I read a long, long time ago, and loved. And I'm sure that if I read it again, I would love it even more. While I firmly believe God speaks (just read my previous post from last weekend as a case in point!), I have serious doubts now about my ability to hear him, which rather puts a damper on the whole relationship.

The thing is, last weekend I KNEW God's voice. I knew it. But then I wasn't asking God for anything. I wasn't asking him to direct me. I wasn't asking for any specific words or pictures, or even asking him to explain a passage of Scripture to me, or to speak to me through his word. I was at rock bottom, simply calling out for him to save me.

As any psychologist worth their salt will tell you: intense, life-defining moments do not a relationship make. Just because you can talk to someone in a crisis does not mean the every-day relationship will be any different. And that's my experience.

I believe God is in the process of saving me - of pulling me out of the hole I'm in. He's done it before on several occasions, so I'm convinced he'll do it again. I believe I'm too valuable to him for him to give up on me just yet. But at the same time, I can't picture things ever being any different to what they are now.

I guess that's it - the balance between the urgent and the important. Dealing with a toddler who insists that Mommy feed/ bathe/ read stories to/ dress/ play with her (NOT YOU, DADDY!) is rather urgent (as well as important). Getting to work on time and taking care of my responsiblities there is important, while meeting my deadlines is rather urgent. Exercise is vitally important and urgent - I have 4 months in which to reach my goal (I've already lost 2 cms! Yay! Only another 8 to go.).. I could go on. Everything on my daily 'to do/ be' list is important and/or urgent. But what about time for me and God?

If I'm honest, I have to say that I'm scared. I'm scared of the time and effort it will take to get a "decent" level of intimacy back with God. I barely have time for my relationship with Graeme, how on earth am I going to squeeze time in for God? And I'm scared of what God is going to ask of me - the priorities he will want me to change, the things he will want me to do, the way he will break my heart again. My heart is saying that every time I've really trusted God over the past few years he has torn my world apart, and every time he's done that it's been worse than the time before. I'm not sure how much more tearing apart my world and my heart can take.

And yet, the longing is there. Once, I believed passionately, completely, without question. From the other side of these paradigm shifts I've been having, I don't know how to balance my heart's desire for more of God with the cost that discipleship will demand. I don't know whether I'm really willing to pay whatever cost God will (and already has) ask(ed) of me.

Now I have an hour or so before bed. I need to put in my half hour exercise and have a shower. I want to sit down and talk to Graeme, whom I haven't spoken to yet all day and who is feeling really sick, so is in need of lots of TLC. Where is the time for God and me? As I said, I don't ever see a way of things being any different to what they are now. "It would take a miracle." (Let's see who gets the quote.)

Work and play

I went into work today, to meet my Department head and get books and stuff. I have to say, as much as I really don't want to be teaching anymore, I think that this is going to be a nice job. The HoD seems really great - laid back and informal. Just my kind of guy! My lab is atrocious, but I've been told that it will be refurbished and that I can design the refurbishment, so I guess that's ok. But best of all... the department is Powerpoint enabled! Woo hoo!!

I was dreading having to go back to the dark ages of chalk and talk. But I've got my own laptop and projector. The only down side is that I have to lug them with me every day because of the risk of theft from the classroom. But I'm willing to put up with that for the luxury of not having to get chalk on my hands (or not much anyway!). I've also been given carte blanche with practicals, which is fabulous. I've been told the kids are 'nice boys' and 'responsive to a well-prepared lesson'. We'll have to wait to see whether I agree.

So overall, I'm not dreading Monday the way I was earlier today. We'll see how it all works out, and for once I'm not going to be making any rash decisions. A job at this school is a good job. As long as Graeme isn't working (much) then I'm going to have to teach, and I'd rather be in a place that has the possibility of some job satisfaction for me. So we'll see how things go.

We met up with some friends for dinner the other night, and we had a very interesting discussion about the journey our churches have been on. Both churches have been following some teaching from a church in Tacoma, in the USA. It's called Jesus Ministry, and is about implementing repentance and sanctification by getting a better grasp of what sin is and how Satan likes to keep us in bondage. This similarity in journey is one very big reason why I have been questioning our desire to move to another part of Cape Town. I don't think it's a coincidence that we were at the Ascension. I don't think it's a coincidence that Christ Church was our home church before we left. I don't know what this means, and I don't see how it's all going to pan out, but for once, I'm not desperate to figure it out.

I think I'm finally learning that it's ok to go slow and figure things out along the way. There are so many things that I would love to be doing, so many things that I feel a calling to in some respect, and I know that God has a plan to weave them all together at some point. Right now, I'm just happy to focus on today, this week, and maybe this month. I'm going to leave God to navigate the path, and hope that at some point He will tell me where we're heading.

Partly, I think this freedom comes from finally accepting that ordained ministry is not for me, that God has other plans. It still hurts, but I know that the reasons for that pain all revolve around my pride, rather than a real desire to be in ordained ministry. So that's ok. I know God is dealing with my pride. I also think that this freedom comes from grieving Zoe. Because I know how grief messes with your mind, I made a decision not to make any big decisions, after she died, for several months. It would appear that I'm listening to my own advice! (And moving to SA was a decision that had been taken before she died, so it doesn't count!)

In response to my previous post about the meaning of 'better', I think the friends we went to dinner with last night hit the nail on the head. Craig said that 'better' means you have hope. No matter how bad things are, they are 'better' because of the hope we have in Jesus. Hope that things can be different in this life; hope that they will be perfect in the life to come. Sometimes, I admit, it's hard to hang on to that hope, but my hope has always been firmly in Jesus, even if it doesn't always feel like hope. I know that his words are the words of life, words of truth, and while that is sometimes very difficult to accept, they are also words of hope, ultimately.