I really don't know what to write tonight. For the first time in ages, I feel like I have so much to say, but can't say any of it. This week has been incredibly difficult for me on a personal, emotional level. I've been struggling with an ethical issue and it's left me feeling adrift. I've been struggling to concentrate. Worse, I've been struggling to sleep. As a result, I don't feel I've been very productive this week (although, actually, I have), and I certainly don't feel I've spent enough quality time with either G or J.
This story starts a little while ago. When I set up LL I initially started just by offering advice to pregnant women (well - to anyone interested, but it's only been pregnant women who have asked, thus far!) on nappies: the different types, the pro's and con's of each dependent on their lifestyle, where to buy them, what they cost, etc. Now that I have my own brand, I've tried really hard to continue to offer unbiased advice.
To an extent, it's easy to do - e.g. an all-in-one that isn't a pocket nappy dries very slowly, so is not suitable in Cape Town winters, or humid Durban, but will dry in a jiffy in Jo'burg or the interior (as long as you remember to bring it in before the temp drops).... or that bamboo and hemp give you a much slimmer look because they are much more absorbent so you need less fabric (so they are really good for mothers who despise the bulky look of cloth and love the slim look of disposables), but that also means they take longer to dry - which may be an issue in Cape Town in winter (etc, etc).... or that the birth-to-potty nappy leaks more with newborns than a two-part system because you can't get a really good fit, but is cheaper to buy since you don't have to buy a set of each of two or three different sizes... or which nappies are best if you live in an area with those horrible flies that lay their eggs in your clothes so that you have to iron everything. Etc, etc, etc. For each type, I try to point out good things and bad things, and link it to the client's lifestyle, but I always offer them at least 2 options (usually 3) and then leave the final decision up to them.
However, many of my clients have already done their homework, and they ask me specific questions like how one particular brand compares to another. This is where it becomes difficult, because now that I have my own brand, there is the temptation to say that mine is the best. I've been really good so far though, and have managed to avoid that temptation. But it struck me the other day that I really don't know enough about the other local brands to be able to answer questions authoritatively.
So I decided to do something about that. I started by contacting another company explaining what I do, and that I'd like to purchase some of their products to try on Nellie, so that I could talk about their product with some authority when clients ask me specifically about them. Big mistake number 1! I've not only been threatened with legal action for talking about their product, but have been warned that if I say anything about them on my website they will sue, and I've been told that I have been harassing this person's family and that if I don't stop they will lay a charge against me. I've also been accused of saturating the market. (As if! This person needs to do their market research!... sorry, I don't want to be bitchy. I've been keeping tight rein on my thoughts and emotions all week, but I need to vent somewhere.)
I don't even know where to begin on this one. I take all criticism personally. I also don't like people thinking false things, or badly, about me. That's just me. I understand that this person thinks I'm a threat - I also sell nappies. I understand that this person is worried I will tell clients that their product is rubbish and try to direct all sales to my own products. I get that. I think that's a legitimate fear.
My second mistake was that I responded to the email. I tried to explain, as best I could, that I had pointed several people to their products, rather than my own, because I genuinely believed their product was better for these particular clients, and that I hoped this would prove to them that I am an ethical person. I also pointed out that I could have got a friend to pose as a customer and buy the stock, or I could have bought the stock from a shop. Either way, they would never have known. The fact that I approached them directly should demonstrate that I am an ethical person and that I mean them no harm and that I do not wish to be their enemy. Sadly, they don't see it that way at all. According this person I am not only unethical, but underhanded, devious and bitter that I didn't get onto the market first.
I don't do harassment. Apart from this person's spouse, I don't know anyone else in their family. While it's possible that they've got me confused with someone else, I doubt it. So I've spent several hours and days perplexed by this and racking my brains to try and figure out who I might be harassing. Since the only people I contact (in a business capacity) on a regular basis are my suppliers - who are more than happy to do business with me - I honestly don't have a clue what this person is talking about.
So this has been a miserable week for me. I can't seem to let go off this, because I really, honestly and truly believe the things this person has said are wrong, false and untrue. I am outraged and my sense of fair play has been affronted. I've been maligned and slandered, and I want to hear them acknowledge it, and apologise. That isn't going to happen though, so it seems I am left with someone who believes me to be their enemy. And I hate that. I don't want to be anyone's enemy.
But I know that if I were to call this person, or go to see them, it would be construed as harassment, which would only serve to entrench the wrong views this person already has of me.
This person is, as far as I know, also a Christian. This kind of ... grievance... shouldn't exist between siblings-in-Christ. It's just wrong. Since I'm not perfect, I can accept that I'm not 100% in the right here, but I can't see where I'm in the wrong. I can't see anything I've done that has been unethical, or underhanded, and I definitely can't see how I'm accused of harassment!
I've given my word that my intentions are not to harm this person or their business in any way. But clearly my word isn't good enough.
[As an aside, they also made a comment that I'm not a nappy expert/ authority, and so have no right to make comparisons or give advice. I didn't ask this of them in my reply, because I thought it would be unhelpful, but I'm dying to know what this person would consider a nappy expert! Would it be someone with experience of lots of different brands? Or would it be someone who has extensive knowledge of the different fabric types? Or manufacturing experience? Because I have all of those. Or is there some sort of nappy qualification that one can get that this person would expect me to have? What skills or experience would you expect a nappy expert to have?]
Should I just try to let this go - and if so, how do I do that? Should I try to resolve this with this person - and if so, how do I do that? Is this 'merely' a spiritual issue that needs to be resolved in the heavenlies (ie a specific attack of Satan)? Am I in the wrong here - should I stop offering advice and just sell nappies? WHAT DO I DO???????
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