It's been the busiest time of my life. I don't EVER recall working this hard before. But I've (mostly) enjoyed it. This weekend marks the end (please, God!) of the frantic busyness, because by the end of tonight I will finally be UP TO DATE with my marking.
Of course, just in time for things to start falling apart again with Laities - there are real problems with the waterproof wraps... but I'll get it sorted, even if it means moving heaven and earth (again, it feels like!).
We've had a lovely weekend as a result - because I've been able to relax and enjoy my time off with family, without getting stressed about the work I ought to be doing.
We've started going to a 'new' church the last 2 weeks, to just check it out, and I've SOOO loved the worship. Even though I've been going with Janel to her group, just being able to take part in worship again has been such a breath of fresh air. I wish Graeme felt the same, but he's really struggling with faith and God and all that stuff. I know how hard it is being there, and I wish I could do or say something to make it better for him, but this is one of those things that I know God has to sort out for him. All I can do is pray. However, it's great that we're actually going to church - that's a major improvement in itself, and I hope this church has the potential to be our new spiritual home, because I really need somewhere now.
After church this morning we went for a walk around Rondebosch Common. This is a local Common that is populated with fynbos. It is completely undeveloped (think: wild parts of Wimbledon Common, or walking along some of the Downs, for those in the UK). The only drawback is that wherever you are, you can still see the traffic around the edge, even if you can't hear them. STILL - it has one of the best views of the Mountain in town, and it is just so great to be able to get into fynbos without having to trek for miles. It was wonderful benign able to get out for about an hour this morning - what is it about walking in creation?
This weekend has been full of family time, which I love. Yesterday we went to my mom's and spent the afternoon with her and my step-dad. Today we were with Graeme's family and then with my dad. It's great to see Nellie interacting with her family and her cousins, and enjoying herself (and them enjoying her too)! It warms my heart so much. Every time I see her with family I am reminded that coming home was the right move for us - even when I miss London (as I've been doing a lot this past week).
However, the end of the weekend has been tough. Many of you are aware that my dad developed cancer of the throat in 2001. The surgery, radiation and chemo really destroyed him - he has lost nerve function in his skin and muscles in his upper body, so he can't really taste his food, or feel anything against his skin, and his back muscles don't hold his head and shoulders up too well. He is also losing his teeth, still suffers with terrible ulcers in his mouth and frequently has a tongue so swollen he struggles to talk.
As a result, he decided that should his cancer every return, he would not have chemo or radiation again, but would let nature take it's course. His decision is perfectly understandable from his perspective. Unfortunately, with his type of cancer, it recurs in 1 in every 3 cases, and for those it does recur in, it is usually (eventually) fatal.
Well, thus far, he has been free of cancer. He was officially in remission - you have to be cancer free for 5 years to be so.
Until this past week.
He had surgery last Friday to remove a malignant tumour.
The surgery team say the tissue around the tumour was completely healthy, so they are pretty confident they've got it all. The tumour was in his groin, not in his throat. He has refused chemo and radiation. I understand that decision, despite the implications for those of us left behind.
My fear though is that there are cancerous cells floating in his blood that broke off from this tumour, that will now settle in a new area and grow into a new tumour. While he is not at death's door, nor is a cancer death in the short term future for him, the fact is that the cancer is going to get him - that much is clear.
I've been feeling so confident that he had beaten it, that he would still be here to watch Janel start school, matriculate, graduate, get married, and maybe even have her own kids. Now, I have to prepare myself that he will probably do none of those things, and every day we have with him is precious. I know that sounds melodramatic, and I know it's actually true for everyone I love. But somehow, facing this with Dad makes it more real.
Again, I know that my father is, at heart, a fighter. If he wasn't, he wouldn't still be here. He's been cancer free for 7 years. The lump was fairly small. These are all good things, and they all contribute to him being around for a long time. But he is tired, and his two best friends are both dying of cancer. Now for him to find another lump... well, he isn't feeling too positive right now, and a positive state of mind is essential for recovery.
So I don't know what to think really. He isn't terminal, but he is dying. How does one prepare for this future? I don't know. I don't want to contemplate a future without him....
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