Secrets

There's a fantastic website that a friend introduced me to. It's called Postsecret. It bills itself as 'a community art project'. Essentially, this guy, Frank Warren, invited anyone and everyone to post him their secrets anonymously, on one side of a postcard. He's had such an overwhelming response that he's been able to publish 4 (or more?) books of the postcards. Frank described how amazed he was by the response - firstly by the amount of original artwork that people create as they create their unique postcards, but secondly by the bravery of people to write down their secret and send it off to him.

Over the months that I've been reading Postsecret, I've been amazed at the things that other people struggle with, the things that people wish others really knew about them. I've been touched repeatedly by the desire that we seem to have to truly know and be known. Sometimes I've been appalled by what I've learnt - the capacity that people have for rage, revenge, cruelty, hate, and inflicting pain on others - but mostly I've been saddened at the thought that all these hundreds of people appear to have no-one with whom to really share themselves.

On several occasions, something I have written here has hurt one of my readers. While my intention is never to hurt others, my response is not to begin censoring what I write. While I don't choose to share my deepest secrets here (I don't know exactly who is reading this, and I don't really want to share all of my private thoughts with a lurker who may be crazy) I do try to remain honest about my thoughts and feelings in the moment that I write. While I still have secrets I could share with PostSecret, I guess that this blog is one way of letting myself think that I am actually communicating with others, being heard.

PostSecret and this blog have something else in common though. While I may feel like I'm communicating well, and being heard, in truth, it's not a substitute for real, face-to-face heart-to-heart communication with another human being. In the end, the only thing that really satisfies is the real deal.

And this is where I confess that I know I'm living at an unsustainable pace. The past few weeks have been the busiest of my life. I have never worked so hard in all my life. I'm loving it, but I know that I am sick because I've been burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle. And I know it has to stop. I don't know how though, since there are still things that need to be sorted out for the business. I'm still having hassles with patterns and fabric. Once that gets sorted, and I actually have a product, then I can rest for a bit. At least, that's what I hope.

I do feel rather miserable though at the effect this is having on G and Nellie, on home life, on the time I have available to be with my extended family... time with loved ones can never be recaptured.