Friday, July 13, 2007

Work and play

I went into work today, to meet my Department head and get books and stuff. I have to say, as much as I really don't want to be teaching anymore, I think that this is going to be a nice job. The HoD seems really great - laid back and informal. Just my kind of guy! My lab is atrocious, but I've been told that it will be refurbished and that I can design the refurbishment, so I guess that's ok. But best of all... the department is Powerpoint enabled! Woo hoo!!

I was dreading having to go back to the dark ages of chalk and talk. But I've got my own laptop and projector. The only down side is that I have to lug them with me every day because of the risk of theft from the classroom. But I'm willing to put up with that for the luxury of not having to get chalk on my hands (or not much anyway!). I've also been given carte blanche with practicals, which is fabulous. I've been told the kids are 'nice boys' and 'responsive to a well-prepared lesson'. We'll have to wait to see whether I agree.

So overall, I'm not dreading Monday the way I was earlier today. We'll see how it all works out, and for once I'm not going to be making any rash decisions. A job at this school is a good job. As long as Graeme isn't working (much) then I'm going to have to teach, and I'd rather be in a place that has the possibility of some job satisfaction for me. So we'll see how things go.

We met up with some friends for dinner the other night, and we had a very interesting discussion about the journey our churches have been on. Both churches have been following some teaching from a church in Tacoma, in the USA. It's called Jesus Ministry, and is about implementing repentance and sanctification by getting a better grasp of what sin is and how Satan likes to keep us in bondage. This similarity in journey is one very big reason why I have been questioning our desire to move to another part of Cape Town. I don't think it's a coincidence that we were at the Ascension. I don't think it's a coincidence that Christ Church was our home church before we left. I don't know what this means, and I don't see how it's all going to pan out, but for once, I'm not desperate to figure it out.

I think I'm finally learning that it's ok to go slow and figure things out along the way. There are so many things that I would love to be doing, so many things that I feel a calling to in some respect, and I know that God has a plan to weave them all together at some point. Right now, I'm just happy to focus on today, this week, and maybe this month. I'm going to leave God to navigate the path, and hope that at some point He will tell me where we're heading.

Partly, I think this freedom comes from finally accepting that ordained ministry is not for me, that God has other plans. It still hurts, but I know that the reasons for that pain all revolve around my pride, rather than a real desire to be in ordained ministry. So that's ok. I know God is dealing with my pride. I also think that this freedom comes from grieving Zoe. Because I know how grief messes with your mind, I made a decision not to make any big decisions, after she died, for several months. It would appear that I'm listening to my own advice! (And moving to SA was a decision that had been taken before she died, so it doesn't count!)

In response to my previous post about the meaning of 'better', I think the friends we went to dinner with last night hit the nail on the head. Craig said that 'better' means you have hope. No matter how bad things are, they are 'better' because of the hope we have in Jesus. Hope that things can be different in this life; hope that they will be perfect in the life to come. Sometimes, I admit, it's hard to hang on to that hope, but my hope has always been firmly in Jesus, even if it doesn't always feel like hope. I know that his words are the words of life, words of truth, and while that is sometimes very difficult to accept, they are also words of hope, ultimately.
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