Friendship, true friendship, is such a precious gift. It's so much more than the camaraderie one has with colleagues, or the parents of your kids' friends. True, deep, abiding friendship is sweet to the soul, a shelter in the storm, a balm in the darkness.
Building those kinds of friendships takes time. Spare time is something I don't have much of, really, which is a function of the season of life I'm in (full-time working mom with small kids and a large extended family). I get that, and I wouldn't want to make my life busier by trying to squeeze time in for building new relationships, nor do I want to give up the time I currently spend with the extended family or my kids.
Never the less, I find myself yearning for those deep friendships. The ones I had before we left SA have waned. The ones I had in the UK are not really possible to sustain at the same depth over the long distance. I am, essentially, starting all over again (although we've been back for 4.5 years already!).
With the start of the new school year, I was struck again by how much I suck at making new deep friendships. I'm great at socialising with colleagues, or chatting to other parents in the playground, but I really suck at taking the relationship deeper and making it real. In one sense, I want that deep friendship with everyone, which is COMPLETELY irrational and impractical. I know that I shouldn't still be seeking the complete and perfect acceptance and affirmation from everyone, yet that's what I want. I also know that if I were to truly TRY and get that, I would burn out completely.
Yet, there is a lot I can still do. For various reasons, I haven't. I need to select the three or so people I really want to build relationships with, and then actively pursue it (assuming, of course, that they want the same from me). I need to accept my own limitations in terms of building deep, abiding friendships. I need to be intentional about the small things - dropping them a one liner sms/ whatsapp during the day, calling them every now and then, considering them and letting them know I'm doing so.
I reckon I've become increasingly lazy about friendships.
Thinking about it, I'm generally lazy about relationships. I can't remember the last time I took the initiative to do something special for the people I love, to surprise them, to truly bless and appreciate them.
Hmm... okay, so, new task for the next 2 weeks: every day, to send ONE sms/ whatsapp message/ email/ phonecall to ONE person I love, enquiring after them, telling them I love and appreciate them, etc.
Which of you is brave enough to keep me accountable on this? LOL!
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