On Wednesday I took Janel to have a full OT assessment. Given that she was born 7 weeks prem, we've had lingering concerns about her development. Comments from her teacher at nursery have played into our concerns. Upon discussing some of our concerns with her paed, he advised us (if for no other reason that to allay our fears) to have her assessed.
On Friday, G and I went back to hear the report. It's mostly good news: she's FINE. In some areas, like in building a tower with particular blocks, the OT said she'd never had a child her age use all the blocks, or so quickly, to build such a well balanced tower. *parental glow*. In others (like completing a 3-D maze) she didn't score so well. However, the overall report is that she's reached every milestone she should have for her developmental age and has no lingering physical problems that are not typical for her age group.
The bad news. There's always bad news. The bad news is that her emotional landscape is fractured. (Those are my words, not the OT's.) This means that she's not coping well with stress, and has adopted the detachment strategy for coping. Hmm... Actually, as I said to G as we were leaving, this assessment has really boosted my confidence in my own parenting skills. The reason for that is that I knew this. Intuitively I knew this. I knew that Janel has no physical problems. I knew that all the odd physical and behavioural things we have been seeing and dealing with were not because she was incapable, but because she was trying to express something going on internally for which she has neither the vocabulary nor the cognisance to recognise. The fact that I knew this means that I really do know my child and that my instincts about her are right. When it comes to Nellie, "I really should listen to [myself] more often". (Sorry - that's a very personal family joke.)
Reflecting on her life, this internal scatteredness she's experiencing is no surprise. She was only 9 months old when I fell pregnant with Zoe, and that pregnancy was horrible, so I wasn't feeling great and so wasn't really being a good Mommy to her. She was 16 months old when Zoe died. Not only was that a massive shock to her, but as a family it took a massive toll on us. She was only 19 months when we moved to SA - leaving her much-adored day-mother behind. She was only 22 months when she started at nursery (in itself an event that took her about 4-6 months to adjust to), and 23 months when we moved house again. She was then nearly 3 years when I fell pregnant again (another time of Mommy being a bad Mommy because I felt so ill and sore, but both of us were feeling paranoid and stressed about the possibility of losing him), and then Nathan was born 3 months ago. Plus, we moved house AGAIN 4 months ago. That's a pretty big catalogue of major events to deal with for any person, let alone a small child who can't express what she's thinking and feeling.
Under the circumstances, I think she's done amazingly. The OT said she suspects that Janel has the potential to be a BRILLIANT child. I agree. She's being hampered by her inner turmoil, tying her up in knots and making it difficult for her to adequately participate in group activities.
Knowing this is good news. It means there is something we can do. Thus, we're strongly considering a short course of play therapy sessions for her, helping her to not only process all she's been through in her short life, but also to create some inner infrastructure for her so that she can continue to develop and grow into the beautiful person she is.
Of course, this assessment has cost us an arm and a leg. But I think it's worth it. I want my child to be able to make the right choices in her life. At the moment, when she's faced with a choice she can't handle, she's choosing not to engage - it's the whole paralysis thing again (see yesterday's post). She'd rather detach than engage. She can play on her own happily for quite a while, but put her in a group situation and she's overwhelmed by the choices she has to make. I'm hoping that by helping her to create her own fishbowl, or at least give her the tools to do so, we will be enabling her to deal with the anxiety she feels and that, ultimately, she will be a better and happier person for it.
And if not, well, she will have had some very expensive play dates!
No comments:
Post a Comment