About 10 weeks

I went for another scan earlier this week. The little man was sleeping, using a thickened portion of my uterus as a pillow, and honestly looked like he was snoring - mouth slightly open and 'breathing' through it! So cute!

He's lying breech at the moment, but as we have several weeks to go, that really is not a problem. Everything else was fine. He's been kicking up a storm recently, so I'm quite at peace that all is well in there. He's also been lying with his head right under my belly-button, and then rubbing his head against the nerves in that area - OWW!! I've been so uncomfortable and sore as a result that I've had to hold my belly up with my hands, to try to relieve the pressure of him pushing against that area. Not too pleasant.

Apart from checking vital stats, I also discussed induction dates and general labour stuff with our gynae. I was very relieved to learn that the system here is pretty much identical to the system in the UK. While I've done this twice before, doing it in a 'foreign' place and system was starting to stress me out - I don't deal too well with the unknown when my life and the life of my child are at potentially at stake.

Anyway, I will be admitted as an in-patient 2 days before the induction, so that I can have several steroid injections to help his lungs develop properly and have several different scans. Then, on the 3rd day (currently set for Wed 10th June, assuming we get that far), we'll induce. (The poor boy will never have the pool or other outdoor parties that Nellie will be able to have!) Initially, we'll use the gel, but if that doesn't work, we'll go for the oxytocin drip. My gynae was pleased to hear that I respond very well to oxytocin - 2 hours from the initial injection and the baby is out. However, she agreed that starting with it leads to a very vicious labour, so I'm all for starting gently with the gel instead, even though it means I'll probably be in labour for much longer than I was with either Nellie or Zoe. Shame - she nearly lost a baby this week to complications in induction, so I think she's had a big scare and is being overly cautious with me as a result.

Although both Nellie and Zoe's births were induced, they were both positioned correctly for labour (i.e. not breech). That bodes well for this pregnancy. With any early birth, and particularly with inductions, there is always the possibility that there will be complications. I'm hopeful that there will be none with this one.

So - about 10 weeks to go. On the one hand, that feels like a million years from now. On the other, it feels like just the blink of an eye. One thing I am grateful for is that it means I will have about 10 days after finishing work before he arrives. That will give me a small breathing space to sleep (unless of course we're still moving house around then!) and rest and prepare myself mentally.

In some ways, I really don't feel ready for this. I don't feel ready for the sleepless nights, leaking sore boobs, dirty nappies, and the MESS. I don't feel ready for dealing with Nellie's inevitable jealousy. I don't feel ready for any of this baby stuff again. But then I remember that right now I'm looking at it from the outside. When he's here (please God, let him BE here!), I will have my love for him, and my hormones, to get me through. This time around, I will have Priscilla to help during the day, and BOTH grandmothers only a phone call away.

I'm really starting to get excited about the birth now. I've been so nervous about forming a bond with this child, just in case. Now that he's moving so much though, it's impossible to ignore him, or the developing bond I feel for him. And now that I feel that bond, I am getting excited about meeting him. Of course, we're only just entering the danger period now, and so the likelihood of losing him increases with each passing day. In many respects, it feels so ironic. I'm trying not to think about it though. I'm trying hard to be positive and to think that he's going to make it just fine. I pray he does, because I'm not sure how I would cope if I lost another one. But he's definitely not going anywhere just yet - that much is clear: as I write he has decided to wake up and is dancing and kicking. How I love being able to feel him move!

(Tertia - you are so amazing, my friend, to have survived the loss of your babies as you have.... you are an inspiration to me on a daily basis! Thanks for your honesty and your 'bare it all' approach to blogging.)