Memorials

As Monday draws nearer, I find myself becoming more apprehensive. I realised tonight that I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling. I miss Zoe, and I always will, but I'm not as broken-hearted as I was. Yet, at the same time, the thought of scattering her ashes makes me sweat... part of me never wants to let go of them, but part of me recognises that in order to get more closure I have to let go.

Sigh!

So we've decided to take Monday morning off on our own to walk and reflect, and then do a little scattering ceremony where we plant an Indigophora with the family later in the afternoon. That way, we get to do both - grieve in private and with family. Both are important, I think. I just hope it doesn't feel artificial and weird.

I can't remember how much I've mentioned about Born Sleeping - the group that Graeme and I have started here in SA. After months of near-silence, suddenly over the past week or so we've had several emails. Tonight we had an email from a researcher. Apparently a well-known SA author is writing about her experience of stillbirth, and the researcher is putting together a list of resources for her.

Hmm.... part of me is jealous, because I really want to write about my experience, but have neither the time nor the money to spend on that project. Part of me is thrilled that someone is writing about it again in SA. Tertia Loebenberg (columnist for the Times) wrote about her experience a while back (was it only last year that her book was published?), but it's always good to keep this story in the public eye, as it were.

Anyway, I am getting really excited by the increase in email traffic we've had. I really hope this signals the start of something, rather than just being a blip on the radar.