On one of our local radio stations, they regularly ask people to message in their answers to a question they pose on a random topic. Yesterday the question was about car guards. Car guards are, I think, a uniquely South African thing.
They are people who guard cars from vandals, help with pushing your trolley and loading your shopping into your car, and try to direct you out of the parking bay as you reverse (usually standing in the way of the car and being a danger to themselves, in my experience) in exchange for whatever spare cash you may have. They may also offer a car washing service if they are particularly proactive. They are usually part of the informal sector - i.e. they appoint themselves - and some are not much more than glorified beggars. In the worst case scenarios, if you fail to tip them, they scratch your car as you drive away. Because of their nuisance factor, over the last decade or so many shopping centres have started appointing their own car guards, who have official bibs to identify them.
The radio station’s question was what people thought of car guards - were they offering a useful service, or were they just a nuisance? I was surprised that over 80% of those who called or messaged the studio were in favor of them. I have an intense dislike of them - not of any particular individual, just of having to be hassled by people whose services I neither desire nor need. I don’t know whether people who feel the way I do simply didn’t air their opinion, or whether that straw poll indicates that I am very much out of step with popular opinion, but it got me thinking about things.
I realized that it’s not just car guards that I dislike. I have a natural suspicion about people, bar a few circumstances. Sadly, I realized that my instinctual reaction to people is that they are out to get something from me, or to harm me in some way, so I walk around with a heightened background “noise” of suspicion, fear and anger towards others.
This is not how Jesus calls us to live - he calls us to love everyone - even our enemies. So how do I reconcile my seemingly innate reactions with this call on my life? I started by trying to determine why it is that I feel the way I do about people. I don’t know that I have a complete understanding yet, but I definitely found a few pointers.
Growing up under Apartheid, I imbibed the lie about the “swart gevaar”. Strangers, particularly those of colour (who, let’s be honest, are the only car guards I’ve seen). The lie is that “those people” ARE out to get me, and will not only steal from me at the first opportunity, but are also looking for ways to kill me. Of course, there is also the massive discrepancy between me, someone who HAS (a job, a car, a brick house that easily accommodates my family, sanitation and plumbing in said house, electricity, a university education, food in my cupboards/ fridge/ freezer), and those beggars and car guards, who are part of the populace of HAVE NOTS in the country. Faced with them on a daily basis is emotionally exhausting as I try to hold back my white guilt so that I’m not perpetually overwhelmed. Displaying anger (whether in tone of voice, or body/ facial language) is a pretty good way to make people keep their distance from you. Just don’t make eye contact....
I also have a strong reaction to adverts and salespeople - they really are out to get something from me. Somehow my assumption when anyone stops me (in the shopping centre, at the traffic lights, etc.) is that they are either a salesperson, or worse. I’m not sure where this comes from, but it’s a pretty strong reaction - even to print adverts, or adverts at the start of videos on YouTube, or in the side banners on social media. I think it’s a reaction to the feeling that I’m being manipulated in some way, because I’m generally quite ornery when I think I’m being manipulated or told what to think/ do/ feel.
Thinking back on just today, it occurred to me that working with teenagers is probably also a contributing factor. Teenagers are constantly pushing the boundaries, and can be very confrontational. As I deal with a lot of discipline issues on a daily basis (I’m a grade head and manage the school’s discipline admin), I guess that I have become hardened and assume that any interaction I am going to have with a student is going to be one of confrontation, where I’m on the receiving end of a lot of aggression; not to mention that my assumption is always that I’m being lied to all the time, because much of the time I am being lied to.
Even knowing all of this, I think there is a deeper issue at play here though: selfishness. I have always been a selfish, greedy person. So, I suppose that my suspicion of others stems, ultimately, from my selfishness. I don’t want anyone else to take my stuff, or even get what might potentially be mine one day. While outwardly I applaud the success of others, inwardly my jealousy seethes - why them and not me? This is me at my ugliest, and most unsanctified. This is the person Jesus came to save and redeem. In his words - it’s not the healthy who need a doctor: it’s the sick!
I was sick and dying in my sin, in my selfishness, in my hatred and anger and fear, BUT JESUS stepped into history to save me. Thank God! That’s not to say that, now that I’m saved, I’m perfect or have everything sorted. Far from it! But at least now I have hope that as I grapple with the ugly side of me, I will find freedom. I will be set free from the worst of me. Not only is there grace to cover me, but there is love that will transform me, from one degree of glory to the next. Even as I identify the evil in my heart, already God has reached out to help me deal with it, if I will but grasp His hand. I doubt this is something that will be fixed overnight. Rather, I think this is part of an on-going conversation I’ll be having with God, and that the healing will be gradual.
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Friday, September 14, 2018
Thursday, June 29, 2017
The times they are a'changin'
I had two interesting conversations today at work. Both surprised me - and I'm not often genuinely surprised by the things people say to me, or about me. So here I am again...
Humility, true humility, is something I think many of us struggle with. I know I do. I know that I am capable in many areas of life. I hesitate to say I am gifted because I know many people who are far more gifted than I am. I'm more of a generalist. I do a lot of things really well, but nothing really excellently. There are few things that I am not capable of doing well if I really apply myself to them (of course, I'm too lazy & selfish to really apply myself).
In addition, growing up I was thin, tall and stereotypically beautiful. Given all this, I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I was blessed with so much, while others were not. I felt guilty for other people feeling uncomfortable around me. I felt guilty for being so much better at things than others, for things coming so easily to me. So I developed a habit of always downplaying myself, never accepting compliments. And as we all know, bad habits stick.
Why do I tell you this? Because today I was reminded of how far I have come, and how far I have yet to go. I've learnt to accept myself more, but I still find it hard to overcome my learnt responses. I still struggle to accept compliments. Now, however, it's not because I am trying to downplay my own abilities, but rather because I see myself more truly than those who see only the outside of me, and I find myself wanting.
Today I was given a compliment that I have the ability to write excellently phrased letters to parents seemingly effortlessly. I caught myself trying to deflect - I know I don't get it right all the time. Before I could though, this person told me I should blog, because I write so beautifully. Well! Blogging is a TOTALLY different skill to drafting letters - there I go again, trying to deflect (even though it's true). But the comment got me thinking. Why did I stop blogging? If I'm honest, I stopped blogging because I felt I had nothing to say. I didn't want to just rehash things everyone else was talking about - there are others who said it first and so much better than I ever could. I also felt curtailed in writing about the things I really wanted to say and reflect upon, because of professionalism. That left me with nothing much to say.
And there is nothing worse than reading a blog post that has neither substance nor direction, that skirts around the issues, or says nothing in particular and everything in general. If I wrote, I wanted it to be because it was genuine, heart-warming, thought-provoking, life enhancing, pleasurable, something, anything other than boring and mundane. I may not write for others to read - I write so that my children can look back and get to know the real me, and so that I can look back and see how (hopefully) I've stopped being quite so pretentious - but I do like to be read, acknowledged. And if people are going to read my writing, I want it to have some sort of meaning.
I suppose the lack of writing, of feeling I had neither something to say, nor something worthwhile to say, was actually symptomatic of a much deeper issue - the fact that I was bored with myself; that my life had become narrow and grey and lifeless.
It was into that context that the second conversation took place. The second person also complimented me, by saying that I have been a different person this year - glowing with inner beauty. (Wow! Really??) This person asked what I'd changed. Initially I had no answer, but as we chatted I realised that what had changed was my attitude. When I went to the Global Leadership Conference last year (I try to go every year. It is an incredible event!), I realised that I was burnt out, and that unless I made some significant changes in my life, I was going to end up on medication for depression, possibly suicidal.
So I found myself a mentor, and she has been holding me accountable for implementing the changes I identified that I needed to make. As I've made the changes, and tried to stick with it (some months are better than others), I've found that my life has been richer, happier, broader.
And so maybe it is time to see whether I have stuff to say again. Maybe my first colleague is right - maybe I should be a blogger again, in practice, not just in name. It may well be that what I want to say and reflect upon I can't really, for professional reasons, but maybe I've recovered enough of myself to have other things to talk about. The times they are a-changin'...
Humility, true humility, is something I think many of us struggle with. I know I do. I know that I am capable in many areas of life. I hesitate to say I am gifted because I know many people who are far more gifted than I am. I'm more of a generalist. I do a lot of things really well, but nothing really excellently. There are few things that I am not capable of doing well if I really apply myself to them (of course, I'm too lazy & selfish to really apply myself).
In addition, growing up I was thin, tall and stereotypically beautiful. Given all this, I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I was blessed with so much, while others were not. I felt guilty for other people feeling uncomfortable around me. I felt guilty for being so much better at things than others, for things coming so easily to me. So I developed a habit of always downplaying myself, never accepting compliments. And as we all know, bad habits stick.
Why do I tell you this? Because today I was reminded of how far I have come, and how far I have yet to go. I've learnt to accept myself more, but I still find it hard to overcome my learnt responses. I still struggle to accept compliments. Now, however, it's not because I am trying to downplay my own abilities, but rather because I see myself more truly than those who see only the outside of me, and I find myself wanting.
Today I was given a compliment that I have the ability to write excellently phrased letters to parents seemingly effortlessly. I caught myself trying to deflect - I know I don't get it right all the time. Before I could though, this person told me I should blog, because I write so beautifully. Well! Blogging is a TOTALLY different skill to drafting letters - there I go again, trying to deflect (even though it's true). But the comment got me thinking. Why did I stop blogging? If I'm honest, I stopped blogging because I felt I had nothing to say. I didn't want to just rehash things everyone else was talking about - there are others who said it first and so much better than I ever could. I also felt curtailed in writing about the things I really wanted to say and reflect upon, because of professionalism. That left me with nothing much to say.
And there is nothing worse than reading a blog post that has neither substance nor direction, that skirts around the issues, or says nothing in particular and everything in general. If I wrote, I wanted it to be because it was genuine, heart-warming, thought-provoking, life enhancing, pleasurable, something, anything other than boring and mundane. I may not write for others to read - I write so that my children can look back and get to know the real me, and so that I can look back and see how (hopefully) I've stopped being quite so pretentious - but I do like to be read, acknowledged. And if people are going to read my writing, I want it to have some sort of meaning.
I suppose the lack of writing, of feeling I had neither something to say, nor something worthwhile to say, was actually symptomatic of a much deeper issue - the fact that I was bored with myself; that my life had become narrow and grey and lifeless.
It was into that context that the second conversation took place. The second person also complimented me, by saying that I have been a different person this year - glowing with inner beauty. (Wow! Really??) This person asked what I'd changed. Initially I had no answer, but as we chatted I realised that what had changed was my attitude. When I went to the Global Leadership Conference last year (I try to go every year. It is an incredible event!), I realised that I was burnt out, and that unless I made some significant changes in my life, I was going to end up on medication for depression, possibly suicidal.
So I found myself a mentor, and she has been holding me accountable for implementing the changes I identified that I needed to make. As I've made the changes, and tried to stick with it (some months are better than others), I've found that my life has been richer, happier, broader.
And so maybe it is time to see whether I have stuff to say again. Maybe my first colleague is right - maybe I should be a blogger again, in practice, not just in name. It may well be that what I want to say and reflect upon I can't really, for professional reasons, but maybe I've recovered enough of myself to have other things to talk about. The times they are a-changin'...
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Tuesday, June 03, 2014
On the other side...
Last week I heard a fuller version of the story of a woman I was connected with when I was at school. I haven't had much contact with her since then. Although we both married the men we were with at the time, her husband died subsequently, through cancer, leaving her with two small children.
In the telling of her story, she spoke about how she was furious with everyone for looking at her with pity in their eyes, and how she left her church as a result - to try to forge a new identity elsewhere that didn't involved her deceased husband. I was hurt by that, not that she would want to forge a new identity - that's essential. Rather, I was hurt by her anger.
I had heard her story briefly when she joined my church, and putting myself in her shoes, and having lost deeply, I sympathised with how hard life must have been with her. My eyes were filled with pity, I know. At the time, I thought she brushed me off because it was too painful to talk about. Now I realise that she brushed me off because she was furious at my pity. But I don't think she understood that my pity was born out of my own losses, at my own struggles, out of my sincere desire to help in some way.
And yet, I understand her perspective. It was so difficult having to talk to people about the loss of my children, to have to explain over and over, to see the pity or the lack of comprehension in their eyes. I hated the stupid things people said to me... I could do a whole blog post just on that!... so I do understand how overwhelming it can become, and how you avoid places where people know you because you just want them to stop.
It is odd being on the other side this time around, being the one who is causing the anger and frustration. It hurts because I thought that I was sensitive to grief, but I guess there is always more to learn.
In the telling of her story, she spoke about how she was furious with everyone for looking at her with pity in their eyes, and how she left her church as a result - to try to forge a new identity elsewhere that didn't involved her deceased husband. I was hurt by that, not that she would want to forge a new identity - that's essential. Rather, I was hurt by her anger.
I had heard her story briefly when she joined my church, and putting myself in her shoes, and having lost deeply, I sympathised with how hard life must have been with her. My eyes were filled with pity, I know. At the time, I thought she brushed me off because it was too painful to talk about. Now I realise that she brushed me off because she was furious at my pity. But I don't think she understood that my pity was born out of my own losses, at my own struggles, out of my sincere desire to help in some way.
And yet, I understand her perspective. It was so difficult having to talk to people about the loss of my children, to have to explain over and over, to see the pity or the lack of comprehension in their eyes. I hated the stupid things people said to me... I could do a whole blog post just on that!... so I do understand how overwhelming it can become, and how you avoid places where people know you because you just want them to stop.
It is odd being on the other side this time around, being the one who is causing the anger and frustration. It hurts because I thought that I was sensitive to grief, but I guess there is always more to learn.
Monday, December 03, 2012
The Ultimate Gift
The book by this title, written by Jim Stovall, is a very quick read, but profound in its content; something worth reading slowly and thoughtfully.
Having read it in just over an hour (and thereby failing to follow my own advice), I find myself left pondering which gifts I could benefit from learning more, and how I can teach my kids these gifts.
The ultimate gift is becoming aware of the gifts you already have, and only one of those are material.
Theses are the gifts you need to learn:
The gift of work
The gift of money
The gift of friends
The gift of learning
The gift of problems
The gift of family
The gift of laughter
The gift of dreams
The gift of giving
The gift of gratitude
The gift of a day
The gift of love
What a great list!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Who SCORES?
Last weekend I went on a ProGro through Naptosa, on 'Leading across all levels in a school', which was based on one of Ken Blanchard's books (I can't remember which one at this precise moment). Anyway, the weekend focussed on how to implement the Situational Leadership Model 2.
Essentially, I think the big thing that I took away with me from the weekend was that there are 4 main types of leadership styles, and there is a kind of formula that can tell you which one to apply (and how) in each situation. Thus, for each person you deal with, you will have to use all 4 leadership styles at different times, depending on the task that person is engaged with. Similarly, at one point in time you will have to use all 4 leadership styles to deal with different people engaged in the same task, depending on the developmental level of each person.
I know this may seem straightforward to you, but to hear it put quite so succinctly, and to discover that there is a formula that can help you to implement it, was rather a revelation for me.
So - now what? I'm not sure. I need to think about it a bit more, and then I need to try to implement it, I think. It helps that 2 of my colleagues were on the course with me, so I have someone to wink at when I say 'S1', for example.
The purpose of this leadership model is to help turn schools into what he terms are 'high performing schools'. High Performing Schools "SCORES". That is, they Share information and communicate, experience Ongoing learning, focus Relentlessly on the kids' results, have Energising systems and structures, have a Shared vision, and I can't remember the C one... when I do I'll add it here. (Was it Collaborate??)
Two of the other highlights for me were the luxury of the place (3 course meals at all meals and a 5 course meal on Sat evening, open fireplaces in all the rooms, a 4-poster bed, grounds that were just incredible, etc) and the Throne-room. I'll post a photo when I get a chance, but try to imagine a large wooden throne placed over one of the toilets (obviously with a hole cut in it!). It was something special to behold, and (thinking as a mother) would actually have a purpose in helping kids go to the loo as they could climb up easily and could hold onto the arm rests.... ANYWAY. There was also a BEAUTIFUL sunrise on the Sat morning, which I also took a photo of and will post when I get a chance.
Essentially, I think the big thing that I took away with me from the weekend was that there are 4 main types of leadership styles, and there is a kind of formula that can tell you which one to apply (and how) in each situation. Thus, for each person you deal with, you will have to use all 4 leadership styles at different times, depending on the task that person is engaged with. Similarly, at one point in time you will have to use all 4 leadership styles to deal with different people engaged in the same task, depending on the developmental level of each person.
I know this may seem straightforward to you, but to hear it put quite so succinctly, and to discover that there is a formula that can help you to implement it, was rather a revelation for me.
So - now what? I'm not sure. I need to think about it a bit more, and then I need to try to implement it, I think. It helps that 2 of my colleagues were on the course with me, so I have someone to wink at when I say 'S1', for example.
The purpose of this leadership model is to help turn schools into what he terms are 'high performing schools'. High Performing Schools "SCORES". That is, they Share information and communicate, experience Ongoing learning, focus Relentlessly on the kids' results, have Energising systems and structures, have a Shared vision, and I can't remember the C one... when I do I'll add it here. (Was it Collaborate??)
Two of the other highlights for me were the luxury of the place (3 course meals at all meals and a 5 course meal on Sat evening, open fireplaces in all the rooms, a 4-poster bed, grounds that were just incredible, etc) and the Throne-room. I'll post a photo when I get a chance, but try to imagine a large wooden throne placed over one of the toilets (obviously with a hole cut in it!). It was something special to behold, and (thinking as a mother) would actually have a purpose in helping kids go to the loo as they could climb up easily and could hold onto the arm rests.... ANYWAY. There was also a BEAUTIFUL sunrise on the Sat morning, which I also took a photo of and will post when I get a chance.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Google Analytics
A while back one of the bloggers I followed did a post about the stats she was collecting on her blog, through some software that tracks who reads it. I thought it was interesting, so decided to do the same, signing myself up for Google's free package, called Google Analytics (GA).
Now before you all panic and think I'm out to stalk you (or something equally ridiculous), remember that most sites you visit (I'm talking non-blog sites now) track data. That's partially what cookies are used for. It's just that you're not aware of it, and so it doesn't bother you.
You'll be pleased to know that the free version of GA does protect your privacy in that it doesn't tell me who you are. It does, however, tell me what city you're from, how long you stay on my blog, and how many pages you read. If you return to my blog, it also records that data (although that is a more general piece of info - it's not linked to you specifically, just that x number of people returned y number of times).
What I was particularly interested to learn was that there are two regular readers who use a French language browser (I'm not sure whether their browser translates it for them, or whether they read it in English). What was more amazing is that they each read about 3 pages every time they visit (most people only read 1 page per time), and that they spend about 10 minutes on the blog each time they visit (most people spend less than a minute). That's incredible!!! I only know one person who might be using a French browser, and I doubt she would be taking 10 minutes to read that amount of info from my blog, so I seriously doubt it would be her.
So, all of this begs the question: if I've just described you, who are you????? What do you find so fascinating about the details of my little life that you keep returning here? Are you just using my blog to practice your English (which is fine with me), or is there something else that keeps you coming back? I'm not saying 'go away', please don't misunderstand me! I'm just intrigued that you find my musings sufficiently worthy of a return visit, so I'd like to know more about you.
I'm sure that a lot of hits are from people who are just randomly trawling through Blogger, hitting on that 'Next blog' button. I'm sure that they will never return this way. As I've only been tracking the blog for about 3 weeks now, I don't really have a lot of data to go on. Still, it is fascinating.
Amatomu is the other site I've been using to track my blog. Amatomu is primarily a site where all registered SA blogs are listed and ranked (today my ranking was 843... I don't know how many are registered, but Nellie's was ranked 2000-and-something, so I would guess quite a few) based on the number of people who read them. From Amatomu I've learnt (no surprises here) that the more I blog, the more people will visit and read my blog. I've also learnt that when I talk about deep, heavy, meaningful stuff, people stop visiting. I guess that's to be expected - folk read blogs as a distraction, a bit of fun, so reading something heavy is not their cup of tea.
From all this, I'm sure some of you will be thinking that now I'm going to start writing to my audience - targeting my writing at the style that will attract more people to my blog. I really hope I never do that. Of course, it's a temptation, but this blog is meant to be a kind of journal for me, and a kind of news bulletin for friends & family around the world, so I hope I can keep it that way.
Anyway, I really need to get to that packing now, and I am now DESPERATE for that cup of tea... so, I will detangle myself from 'Nicole world' (as G calls it), and get back to real life.
Now before you all panic and think I'm out to stalk you (or something equally ridiculous), remember that most sites you visit (I'm talking non-blog sites now) track data. That's partially what cookies are used for. It's just that you're not aware of it, and so it doesn't bother you.
You'll be pleased to know that the free version of GA does protect your privacy in that it doesn't tell me who you are. It does, however, tell me what city you're from, how long you stay on my blog, and how many pages you read. If you return to my blog, it also records that data (although that is a more general piece of info - it's not linked to you specifically, just that x number of people returned y number of times).
What I was particularly interested to learn was that there are two regular readers who use a French language browser (I'm not sure whether their browser translates it for them, or whether they read it in English). What was more amazing is that they each read about 3 pages every time they visit (most people only read 1 page per time), and that they spend about 10 minutes on the blog each time they visit (most people spend less than a minute). That's incredible!!! I only know one person who might be using a French browser, and I doubt she would be taking 10 minutes to read that amount of info from my blog, so I seriously doubt it would be her.
So, all of this begs the question: if I've just described you, who are you????? What do you find so fascinating about the details of my little life that you keep returning here? Are you just using my blog to practice your English (which is fine with me), or is there something else that keeps you coming back? I'm not saying 'go away', please don't misunderstand me! I'm just intrigued that you find my musings sufficiently worthy of a return visit, so I'd like to know more about you.
I'm sure that a lot of hits are from people who are just randomly trawling through Blogger, hitting on that 'Next blog' button. I'm sure that they will never return this way. As I've only been tracking the blog for about 3 weeks now, I don't really have a lot of data to go on. Still, it is fascinating.
Amatomu is the other site I've been using to track my blog. Amatomu is primarily a site where all registered SA blogs are listed and ranked (today my ranking was 843... I don't know how many are registered, but Nellie's was ranked 2000-and-something, so I would guess quite a few) based on the number of people who read them. From Amatomu I've learnt (no surprises here) that the more I blog, the more people will visit and read my blog. I've also learnt that when I talk about deep, heavy, meaningful stuff, people stop visiting. I guess that's to be expected - folk read blogs as a distraction, a bit of fun, so reading something heavy is not their cup of tea.
From all this, I'm sure some of you will be thinking that now I'm going to start writing to my audience - targeting my writing at the style that will attract more people to my blog. I really hope I never do that. Of course, it's a temptation, but this blog is meant to be a kind of journal for me, and a kind of news bulletin for friends & family around the world, so I hope I can keep it that way.
Anyway, I really need to get to that packing now, and I am now DESPERATE for that cup of tea... so, I will detangle myself from 'Nicole world' (as G calls it), and get back to real life.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Ben Zander - is he all he's cracked up to be?
I've already posted very briefly about Ben Zander, and the 'Art of Possibility' here. However, here's a copy of the post I made on the education discussion site Huddlemind. Most of it is new, some is a repeat. But right now I would rather spend time with Nellie than spend another half hour editing this to remove the repeated stuff, so I'm afraid you're just going to have to trawl on through!
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I can't believe it's already been a week since I went to a Ben Zander seminar here in Cape Town. I'd already seen him on video, so I was disappointed by him in real life. I guess I hadn't anticipated just how many of his lines are standard things he does in every seminar... like his one-buttock playing. I guess I was hoping for something fresh and new.
I was also frustrated by the fact that the event was a mixed audience, because I'd been under the impression that it was just going to be educators present. I was really looking forward to hearing him speak into how we can, in a SA school education context, really do the things he says we should. So I left feeling disempowered, rather than empowered, because he was not able to speak into that context given the audience before him.
One of my questions, for example, is how we can give everyone an 'A' while working within a system that requires us to mark and submit CASS work. How can we require learners to write an exam at the end of the year and at the same time give them an 'A'? How do we work the system while working within the system?
Another question is how you give everyone an 'A' when, quite clearly, people are not all at the same level. I think I prefer our system of giving a 1-5 rating. 5 means 'You've got it', 1 means 'you haven't got it at all', and 2,3 and 4 are varying degrees of success. I agree with Ben that marks are all made up anyway. Likewise, I agree that marks engender a culture of comparison, which in turn can lead to very critical self-talk. It doesn't have to be that way, and I guess his philosophy is one way of addressing this issue.
I'm not sure that it works in SA, or in a school where learners have to take a certain number of subjects, irrespective of whether they want to, or are able to cope with those subjects. And I'm not sure that giving everyone an 'A' is any less dangerous than giving a mark.
I think we need to create a culture in which possibility is everything, but I think we need to do that in a manner that teaches kids skills to cope with the world around them, rather than wrapping them in cotton wool and saying - 'you're brilliant', even if they're not. Kids can smell truth and falsehood a mile off.
While I did walk away from the seminar frustrated and disappointed, that doesn't mean to say that I'm going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. What will I take away, then, from Ben's seminar and attempt to implement in my lessons on Monday? (We've been on Cross-curricular Week this past week, so I haven't been in a normal class environment for a whole week - it's been great, but exhausting!)
Firstly, that I need to watch the verbal and non-verbal language I use in the presence of the kids I teach. When I hand back tests (as I will be doing), do I focus on the negative, or the positive? Do I create a culture of real learning from mistakes (as Ben would say - "Fabulous!"), or do I create a culture that says making mistakes is anathema and that if you do you're stupid? Do I blame the kids, or do I take some blame myself for possibly not preparing them adequately for the task? Do I create negative spirals, or possibility circles?
Permit me a digression here... My Grade 9's have just completed two practicals for Natural Science. Before that, they completed a Science Fair project. At the end of the first practical, I was aghast at how few of them had bothered to write a proper scientific report, despite being given the rubric on how they would be assessed. So, I spent time creating a model answer for them, which I gave back to them at the same time that I returned their reports. I then instructed them to compare the two, and see where they went wrong. They sat in silence for 10 minutes or so, doing this activity.
Then, at the start of this past week the kids handed in their second report. While most of them had made some improvement, I was stunned at how few of them made the sort of improvement I had been expecting. When I discussed this with one of my colleagues, I was stunned to realise that not even this particular, experienced educator fully understood the difference between the hypothesis and prediction! Maybe it was that the rubric and the instruction sheet were not properly crafted, creating an ambiguous activity - in fact, I'm sure that was part of the problem.
I spent some time on Friday afternoon investigating this further, and found some really interesting research that says that 60% of science teachers do not really understand the difference between hypothesis and prediction. That really scared me. How can we expect our learners to complete a task when we educators (as a group) don't really understand the task either? Needless to say, I created a summary sheet for the kids, which the departmental staff will also get, of the differences. That will be handed out along with copies of a model answer for the current report activity.
Tomorrow's lesson will be similar to the one when I returned the first report, with one major difference - this time, it will not be an exclusively silent activity. I will get the kids to look at their own reports and analyse them, yes, but then I will also do a group activity where, as a class, we will look at one model example of a 'poor' report, and WHY it's a poor report.
Through these two tasks, I've realised just how right the new curriculum is in trying to get us to do more skills based work with the kids. In Science that means actually letting the kids do more practicals (not just doing demos). To those of you in the US, or the UK, I know that sounds so obvious. Here in SA though, one major obstacle to this is the lack of equipment. We simply don't have enough Bunsen burners for the kids to work in groups any smaller than 5 or 6. We don't have enough glassware for the kids to work in groups smaller than 8-10. Even these pracs, the kids did in groups of 8. Large groups are better than none, but it does mean that many of the kids are sitting around doing nothing, instead of being involved, and so there is potentially a real behaviour management issue with doing pracs.
While there's a lot about the version of OBE education we are aiming at in SA that I think is a waste of time, I think that in this particular area OBE education has a lot in common with Ben's philosophy. So - I will need to watch my language. I will need to try to create an environment where honest analysis is not about how wrong a child is, but about the possibility for growth through this experience.
The second thing I will take from Ben's philosophy is that a once-off activity is not going to fix it - as Ben says, it's an 'ART'. It's something I need to practice and practice and practice. And maybe I won't get it right with this class, this year. But maybe I will. And that's what I'm going to aim for.
The third thing I will try to implement is Rule #6. Stop taking it (myself, the subject, the system) all so seriously - let's have some fun!!! Learning is fun, so the learning environment should be fun.
There are a few other things, but I think that's quite enough to start with.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't believe it's already been a week since I went to a Ben Zander seminar here in Cape Town. I'd already seen him on video, so I was disappointed by him in real life. I guess I hadn't anticipated just how many of his lines are standard things he does in every seminar... like his one-buttock playing. I guess I was hoping for something fresh and new.
I was also frustrated by the fact that the event was a mixed audience, because I'd been under the impression that it was just going to be educators present. I was really looking forward to hearing him speak into how we can, in a SA school education context, really do the things he says we should. So I left feeling disempowered, rather than empowered, because he was not able to speak into that context given the audience before him.
One of my questions, for example, is how we can give everyone an 'A' while working within a system that requires us to mark and submit CASS work. How can we require learners to write an exam at the end of the year and at the same time give them an 'A'? How do we work the system while working within the system?
Another question is how you give everyone an 'A' when, quite clearly, people are not all at the same level. I think I prefer our system of giving a 1-5 rating. 5 means 'You've got it', 1 means 'you haven't got it at all', and 2,3 and 4 are varying degrees of success. I agree with Ben that marks are all made up anyway. Likewise, I agree that marks engender a culture of comparison, which in turn can lead to very critical self-talk. It doesn't have to be that way, and I guess his philosophy is one way of addressing this issue.
I'm not sure that it works in SA, or in a school where learners have to take a certain number of subjects, irrespective of whether they want to, or are able to cope with those subjects. And I'm not sure that giving everyone an 'A' is any less dangerous than giving a mark.
I think we need to create a culture in which possibility is everything, but I think we need to do that in a manner that teaches kids skills to cope with the world around them, rather than wrapping them in cotton wool and saying - 'you're brilliant', even if they're not. Kids can smell truth and falsehood a mile off.
While I did walk away from the seminar frustrated and disappointed, that doesn't mean to say that I'm going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. What will I take away, then, from Ben's seminar and attempt to implement in my lessons on Monday? (We've been on Cross-curricular Week this past week, so I haven't been in a normal class environment for a whole week - it's been great, but exhausting!)
Firstly, that I need to watch the verbal and non-verbal language I use in the presence of the kids I teach. When I hand back tests (as I will be doing), do I focus on the negative, or the positive? Do I create a culture of real learning from mistakes (as Ben would say - "Fabulous!"), or do I create a culture that says making mistakes is anathema and that if you do you're stupid? Do I blame the kids, or do I take some blame myself for possibly not preparing them adequately for the task? Do I create negative spirals, or possibility circles?
Permit me a digression here... My Grade 9's have just completed two practicals for Natural Science. Before that, they completed a Science Fair project. At the end of the first practical, I was aghast at how few of them had bothered to write a proper scientific report, despite being given the rubric on how they would be assessed. So, I spent time creating a model answer for them, which I gave back to them at the same time that I returned their reports. I then instructed them to compare the two, and see where they went wrong. They sat in silence for 10 minutes or so, doing this activity.
Then, at the start of this past week the kids handed in their second report. While most of them had made some improvement, I was stunned at how few of them made the sort of improvement I had been expecting. When I discussed this with one of my colleagues, I was stunned to realise that not even this particular, experienced educator fully understood the difference between the hypothesis and prediction! Maybe it was that the rubric and the instruction sheet were not properly crafted, creating an ambiguous activity - in fact, I'm sure that was part of the problem.
I spent some time on Friday afternoon investigating this further, and found some really interesting research that says that 60% of science teachers do not really understand the difference between hypothesis and prediction. That really scared me. How can we expect our learners to complete a task when we educators (as a group) don't really understand the task either? Needless to say, I created a summary sheet for the kids, which the departmental staff will also get, of the differences. That will be handed out along with copies of a model answer for the current report activity.
Tomorrow's lesson will be similar to the one when I returned the first report, with one major difference - this time, it will not be an exclusively silent activity. I will get the kids to look at their own reports and analyse them, yes, but then I will also do a group activity where, as a class, we will look at one model example of a 'poor' report, and WHY it's a poor report.
Through these two tasks, I've realised just how right the new curriculum is in trying to get us to do more skills based work with the kids. In Science that means actually letting the kids do more practicals (not just doing demos). To those of you in the US, or the UK, I know that sounds so obvious. Here in SA though, one major obstacle to this is the lack of equipment. We simply don't have enough Bunsen burners for the kids to work in groups any smaller than 5 or 6. We don't have enough glassware for the kids to work in groups smaller than 8-10. Even these pracs, the kids did in groups of 8. Large groups are better than none, but it does mean that many of the kids are sitting around doing nothing, instead of being involved, and so there is potentially a real behaviour management issue with doing pracs.
While there's a lot about the version of OBE education we are aiming at in SA that I think is a waste of time, I think that in this particular area OBE education has a lot in common with Ben's philosophy. So - I will need to watch my language. I will need to try to create an environment where honest analysis is not about how wrong a child is, but about the possibility for growth through this experience.
The second thing I will take from Ben's philosophy is that a once-off activity is not going to fix it - as Ben says, it's an 'ART'. It's something I need to practice and practice and practice. And maybe I won't get it right with this class, this year. But maybe I will. And that's what I'm going to aim for.
The third thing I will try to implement is Rule #6. Stop taking it (myself, the subject, the system) all so seriously - let's have some fun!!! Learning is fun, so the learning environment should be fun.
There are a few other things, but I think that's quite enough to start with.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Déjavú
It feels like ages since I've done a post about something in depth... mainly that's because of time constraints. A new member of staff asked me in amazement how I manage to find time to blog with everything else that goes on in my life. I just laughed. I'm not sure how I do it... but Graeme is just wonderful at giving me time to do it.
Journalling (which is essentially what this has become for me in many respects) is an important part of my life. It's the time I take for me, in which I can stop and reflect on life, the universe and everything. It's the time when I think about who I am, where I'm going, things that have happened around or to me, and try to make sense of it all.
Of course, blogging is more than that too - it's like a scrapbook of my life too.
So in addition to the meaty stuff I want to discuss this evening, I feel compelled to tell you that I got caught in THE MOST MASSIVE downpour on Tuesday afternoon. It went from light drizzle to Biblical Flood Proportions in 3 seconds flat, and then proceeded to blizzard rain for a further 15 minutes. Of course, that would just be the time I was walking back to the car with my shopping (not in a trolley, I might add).... which just happened to contain some poster paper I'd bought to paint a backdrop on for my stand next weekend!!
Fortunately, the paper stayed mostly dry (just the edges got wet). Fortunately I was wearing a raincoat. However, everything from my thighs down was soaked. When I got home, I stood on the back porch and stripped because I wasn't going to trail water through the house. I hope the neighbours weren't looking! (Given that you could barely see through the rain, I doubt they'd have seen much anyway.) Graeme thought the whole thing was hilarious. I'm just glad he didn't think to take photos!
But now onto the serious stuff I wanted to reflect on.
I've been doing this intro to business management course through the Louis Group and Stellenbosch University on Wednesday nights. Because Louis Group is a Christian business, the course is run on Christian principles. The first few weeks have therefore been all about personal leadership - the theory being that you can't ever hope to lead a company if you can't lead yourself. They've been plugging people like Bill Hybels and John Maxwell.
Now, the really interesting thing for me is that I was learning all this exact same stuff in the year or two before Janel was born. I've been to Bill Hybels' church in the USA. I've read just about all of the books that he and his staff have written. I've read much of the John Maxwell stuff the course lecturers are promoting. It's been a serious case of déjavú.
While it's been exciting, because I've felt that God is encouraging me to remember where I was and what I was learning (ie, that the material was good and it's important stuff, and I should continue in that direction), last night's course unnerved me and I wound up in tears. (It's not enough that I cry in church all the time... now I'm crying just about everywhere! ;-Q)
Last night, they started teaching Eric Delve stuff. Of course, they didn't know they were teaching Eric Delve stuff, because they've probably never heard of Eric Delve (have you?), but they were. Now, in and of itself, that is not a problem. The problem is that it was Eric Delve's teaching that made me step out of my comfort zone and start down a particular path that wound up breaking my heart. The bigger problem, is that they were asking all the same BIG questions Eric Delve asked on that fateful night back in 2004. And the even bigger problem is that my answer to these big questions was just the same... word for word.
But last time round, I got very badly hurt and I feel like I'm only just really recovering, because in a matter of weeks of having my heart broken, my heart's dream torn up and stomped upon, we found out that we were pregnant with Janel. Initially, it felt like a slap in the face, second prize. (Of course, I don't feel that now - she is definitely first prize!) But in between coping with the problems with the pregnancy, followed by her prem birth, followed by falling pregnant with Zoe, then all the problems with her pregnancy, and then losing her and moving home.... I was trying to make sense of that first heartbreak. It's been a hell of a 3 years! And I only just feel like I'm finding my feet again, spiritually speaking.
And now, it seems, God has decided it's time to put that same question before me once again. I don't know what he intends, because my answer hasn't changed, and I know that the reasons my heart got broken haven't changed, so I can only foresee one outcome from this path - my heart getting broken again.
I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can walk down this road again. I don't think I can put myself out there again, the way I did, knowing that (as things look now) the outcome will be the same. The real definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again in the same way, but expecting different results. Since I know that the methods and means are the same, I don't see how the outcome can be different. And I just can't go there again.
So now I don't know what to do. I know that I have to trust God. I know that it's no coincidence that over the past three weeks God has made me re-walk all the teaching I'd received about leadership before Nellie was born. I know it's no coincidence that, at the end of that trip down memory lane, He has brought me back to the same final questions. I just don't know what He intends by it. He knows that my answer hasn't changed. He knows that I am frail and mortal. He knows that I don't think I could handle another rejection like that. So what is He up to?????
Actually, thinking about it - there are 3 things that are different between now and then.
1) I am a mother now. That's HUGE.
2) I live in SA now.
3) I LOVE my job and I WANT to be where I am for at least 5 years. (I hated my job back then.)
But none of that resolves the issue. I'm still the same me, with all the same character flaws and weaknesses. And those flaws and weaknesses are the reason I was rejected last time around.
My homework this week is to write my personal mission statement. I really don't want to do this. Not because I don't want to, but because I know (or at least I have a very strong suspicion) where this is going to lead, and I really, really, REALLY don't want to go there. I can only see more heartache that way. Right now, I'd rather live with an excellent second choice that makes me happy and gives me the challenge and sense of accomplishment and purpose I desire, than a heart-wrenching-heart-breaking first choice.
And you want to know the worst part about it? When I was rejected, this is exactly what the panel said about me. They were rejecting me because they felt I couldn't deal with rejection and in the position of responsibility that I would have been placed in would have put me in line for LOADS of rejection. I know they made the right choice - I see that now. But it doesn't change the fact that my heart's deepest desire is the thing that most terrifies me, because it has the greatest potential to break me.
Oh boy! I really hope God knows what he's up to... cos he's clearly up to something, but it all smells a bit fishy to me!
Journalling (which is essentially what this has become for me in many respects) is an important part of my life. It's the time I take for me, in which I can stop and reflect on life, the universe and everything. It's the time when I think about who I am, where I'm going, things that have happened around or to me, and try to make sense of it all.
Of course, blogging is more than that too - it's like a scrapbook of my life too.
So in addition to the meaty stuff I want to discuss this evening, I feel compelled to tell you that I got caught in THE MOST MASSIVE downpour on Tuesday afternoon. It went from light drizzle to Biblical Flood Proportions in 3 seconds flat, and then proceeded to blizzard rain for a further 15 minutes. Of course, that would just be the time I was walking back to the car with my shopping (not in a trolley, I might add).... which just happened to contain some poster paper I'd bought to paint a backdrop on for my stand next weekend!!
Fortunately, the paper stayed mostly dry (just the edges got wet). Fortunately I was wearing a raincoat. However, everything from my thighs down was soaked. When I got home, I stood on the back porch and stripped because I wasn't going to trail water through the house. I hope the neighbours weren't looking! (Given that you could barely see through the rain, I doubt they'd have seen much anyway.) Graeme thought the whole thing was hilarious. I'm just glad he didn't think to take photos!
But now onto the serious stuff I wanted to reflect on.
I've been doing this intro to business management course through the Louis Group and Stellenbosch University on Wednesday nights. Because Louis Group is a Christian business, the course is run on Christian principles. The first few weeks have therefore been all about personal leadership - the theory being that you can't ever hope to lead a company if you can't lead yourself. They've been plugging people like Bill Hybels and John Maxwell.
Now, the really interesting thing for me is that I was learning all this exact same stuff in the year or two before Janel was born. I've been to Bill Hybels' church in the USA. I've read just about all of the books that he and his staff have written. I've read much of the John Maxwell stuff the course lecturers are promoting. It's been a serious case of déjavú.
While it's been exciting, because I've felt that God is encouraging me to remember where I was and what I was learning (ie, that the material was good and it's important stuff, and I should continue in that direction), last night's course unnerved me and I wound up in tears. (It's not enough that I cry in church all the time... now I'm crying just about everywhere! ;-Q)
Last night, they started teaching Eric Delve stuff. Of course, they didn't know they were teaching Eric Delve stuff, because they've probably never heard of Eric Delve (have you?), but they were. Now, in and of itself, that is not a problem. The problem is that it was Eric Delve's teaching that made me step out of my comfort zone and start down a particular path that wound up breaking my heart. The bigger problem, is that they were asking all the same BIG questions Eric Delve asked on that fateful night back in 2004. And the even bigger problem is that my answer to these big questions was just the same... word for word.
But last time round, I got very badly hurt and I feel like I'm only just really recovering, because in a matter of weeks of having my heart broken, my heart's dream torn up and stomped upon, we found out that we were pregnant with Janel. Initially, it felt like a slap in the face, second prize. (Of course, I don't feel that now - she is definitely first prize!) But in between coping with the problems with the pregnancy, followed by her prem birth, followed by falling pregnant with Zoe, then all the problems with her pregnancy, and then losing her and moving home.... I was trying to make sense of that first heartbreak. It's been a hell of a 3 years! And I only just feel like I'm finding my feet again, spiritually speaking.
And now, it seems, God has decided it's time to put that same question before me once again. I don't know what he intends, because my answer hasn't changed, and I know that the reasons my heart got broken haven't changed, so I can only foresee one outcome from this path - my heart getting broken again.
I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can walk down this road again. I don't think I can put myself out there again, the way I did, knowing that (as things look now) the outcome will be the same. The real definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again in the same way, but expecting different results. Since I know that the methods and means are the same, I don't see how the outcome can be different. And I just can't go there again.
So now I don't know what to do. I know that I have to trust God. I know that it's no coincidence that over the past three weeks God has made me re-walk all the teaching I'd received about leadership before Nellie was born. I know it's no coincidence that, at the end of that trip down memory lane, He has brought me back to the same final questions. I just don't know what He intends by it. He knows that my answer hasn't changed. He knows that I am frail and mortal. He knows that I don't think I could handle another rejection like that. So what is He up to?????
Actually, thinking about it - there are 3 things that are different between now and then.
1) I am a mother now. That's HUGE.
2) I live in SA now.
3) I LOVE my job and I WANT to be where I am for at least 5 years. (I hated my job back then.)
But none of that resolves the issue. I'm still the same me, with all the same character flaws and weaknesses. And those flaws and weaknesses are the reason I was rejected last time around.
My homework this week is to write my personal mission statement. I really don't want to do this. Not because I don't want to, but because I know (or at least I have a very strong suspicion) where this is going to lead, and I really, really, REALLY don't want to go there. I can only see more heartache that way. Right now, I'd rather live with an excellent second choice that makes me happy and gives me the challenge and sense of accomplishment and purpose I desire, than a heart-wrenching-heart-breaking first choice.
And you want to know the worst part about it? When I was rejected, this is exactly what the panel said about me. They were rejecting me because they felt I couldn't deal with rejection and in the position of responsibility that I would have been placed in would have put me in line for LOADS of rejection. I know they made the right choice - I see that now. But it doesn't change the fact that my heart's deepest desire is the thing that most terrifies me, because it has the greatest potential to break me.
Oh boy! I really hope God knows what he's up to... cos he's clearly up to something, but it all smells a bit fishy to me!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
On the other side of the desk
My Head (principal) goes on and on about how we teachers are first and foremost academics, and that therefore we need to be continually seeking to learn new stuff. He's right, in many respects, although I disagree that we are all academics - many teachers get into teaching because they enjoy teaching, not because they're of an academic mind-set. But I know why he says that. I understand why he encourages us to keep learning.
Firstly, once you're in the classroom as the teacher, it's easy to forget what hard work learning can be, or how boring it can get if you're going over something you already know for the umpteenth time. If we do lose touch with the reality of learning, the pace of our lessons will be wrong.
Secondly, continuing to learn things stops you from getting bored, and as everyone knows - a bored teacher is a boring teacher, and boring teachers give rise to behaviour problems. If you want to avoid poor behaviour in the classroom, don't teach a boring lesson.
Thirdly, it's important to model what you want the kids to become - life-long learners. OBE is supposed to be teaching the kids that learning isn't limited to the classroom, that learning continues beyond the classroom, and equip them to make the most of that. So we need to model that on-going process of learning. That's a principle of good leadership.
When I took on my current post, I realised that I'm one of the least qualified members of my department. Most of the others have at least an Hons degree, if not their Masters, or their Doctorates! It's a little intimidating, actually, but they're great people, and I have a wealth of other experience which helps.
But I decided that I ought to do something about that. I don't want to be studying full time - for one thing, it's too expensive, for another it's too time-consuming and I have other priorities. So, I started hunting around for other part-time, cheap or free courses I could do. Nothing in the education field really. (No surprises there.)
I've started my own company on the side (teachers aren't paid a lot and I've got to be thinking of my retirement one day), but I also have plans to climb the educational leadership/ management ladder. Eventually I managed to find a course that has applications for both jobs. It's a certificate course in business management, run jointly by the Louis Group and the University of Stellenbosch's Graduate School of Business (USB-ED), and us also accredited by Cambridge University in the UK.
This course is pretty unique in that the Louis Group are overtly Christian and the course is run on overtly Christian principles, but more amazingly, the course is entirely free. The Louis Group foot the bill (which is about R25,000 per student), and the only catch is that you pay forward the skills you gain from the course. You can find out more about them and the course here
Last night was the first night of the course. While it was an exciting night, and I'm looking forward to the things we're going to be learning, I found it very odd being on the other side of the desk. While I've been involved in learning environments as a student since leaving university, this will be the first time I've been assessed on my learning in a very long time. I was amazed at how nerve-wracking I find the thought of being assessed. It's given me a fresh compassion for my students, for how nerve-wracking they find being assessed. While I have time pressures that my kids don't have (in that I have a day job, and a family to raise, plus my business to run), there are no real consequences for me if I don't pass the course, whereas for them, they may fail the year and have to repeat the year. (This is not to say that I'm not going to take the assessments as seriously as I can and aim to pass with the highest mark I can!)
I think being on the other side of the desk is going to be a very good experience for me as a teacher. I really hope it improves my teaching techniques, and that it continues to increase my compassion for my kids. I'm also looking forward to having to use my brain in a new way, to grapple with new information, to form new links and synapses. I'd forgotten how much FUN learning can be!
Firstly, once you're in the classroom as the teacher, it's easy to forget what hard work learning can be, or how boring it can get if you're going over something you already know for the umpteenth time. If we do lose touch with the reality of learning, the pace of our lessons will be wrong.
Secondly, continuing to learn things stops you from getting bored, and as everyone knows - a bored teacher is a boring teacher, and boring teachers give rise to behaviour problems. If you want to avoid poor behaviour in the classroom, don't teach a boring lesson.
Thirdly, it's important to model what you want the kids to become - life-long learners. OBE is supposed to be teaching the kids that learning isn't limited to the classroom, that learning continues beyond the classroom, and equip them to make the most of that. So we need to model that on-going process of learning. That's a principle of good leadership.
When I took on my current post, I realised that I'm one of the least qualified members of my department. Most of the others have at least an Hons degree, if not their Masters, or their Doctorates! It's a little intimidating, actually, but they're great people, and I have a wealth of other experience which helps.
But I decided that I ought to do something about that. I don't want to be studying full time - for one thing, it's too expensive, for another it's too time-consuming and I have other priorities. So, I started hunting around for other part-time, cheap or free courses I could do. Nothing in the education field really. (No surprises there.)
I've started my own company on the side (teachers aren't paid a lot and I've got to be thinking of my retirement one day), but I also have plans to climb the educational leadership/ management ladder. Eventually I managed to find a course that has applications for both jobs. It's a certificate course in business management, run jointly by the Louis Group and the University of Stellenbosch's Graduate School of Business (USB-ED), and us also accredited by Cambridge University in the UK.
This course is pretty unique in that the Louis Group are overtly Christian and the course is run on overtly Christian principles, but more amazingly, the course is entirely free. The Louis Group foot the bill (which is about R25,000 per student), and the only catch is that you pay forward the skills you gain from the course. You can find out more about them and the course here
Last night was the first night of the course. While it was an exciting night, and I'm looking forward to the things we're going to be learning, I found it very odd being on the other side of the desk. While I've been involved in learning environments as a student since leaving university, this will be the first time I've been assessed on my learning in a very long time. I was amazed at how nerve-wracking I find the thought of being assessed. It's given me a fresh compassion for my students, for how nerve-wracking they find being assessed. While I have time pressures that my kids don't have (in that I have a day job, and a family to raise, plus my business to run), there are no real consequences for me if I don't pass the course, whereas for them, they may fail the year and have to repeat the year. (This is not to say that I'm not going to take the assessments as seriously as I can and aim to pass with the highest mark I can!)
I think being on the other side of the desk is going to be a very good experience for me as a teacher. I really hope it improves my teaching techniques, and that it continues to increase my compassion for my kids. I'm also looking forward to having to use my brain in a new way, to grapple with new information, to form new links and synapses. I'd forgotten how much FUN learning can be!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
More pics and TONS of frustration
Thanks to Ash for these lovely pics!
This is Nellie with Bradley, one of the other kids our childminder looks after. He's been like a big brother to Nellie, and she copies everything he does and says, and follows him everywhere. She also bullies him when she can - takes toys from him, pushes him off chairs, that kind of thing.
Latest skill - sitting the right way around on toy cars/ motorbikes and pushing herself FORWARDS, not just backwards! Doesn't she look so proud of herself here?
And a new favourite activity - playing with the straps on her pushchair/ car seat. She knows where & how they're supposed to fit together, but she doesn't yet have the fine motor coordination to put them together. She's trying though - it's better than a puzzle! It keeps her occupied for long stretches of time, which is especially useful when you're standing in a long queue!
Speaking of queues... we stood in one for over an hour this morning trying to sort out her SA passport etc. What a saga! We registered her birth & applied for her passport back in SA in March last year. We thought we were being clever. As it takes 4-6 months to process (you just gotta LOVE the SA Home Affairs department's efficiency!) we were told not to check up on the applications until at least 6 months had passed. This we duly did. After 6 months, we called. No sorry, they have no record of our application. We faxed all the receipts etc to prove that we had made the application. No sorry, they have no record of our application. We must apply again, and no, sorry, they will not refund us our fees.
So, we duly applied again. This time from the UK, via the SA consulate in London. But it took us a while because you can't download the forms off the web (although it says you can) and their phone system is an automated one that does not allow you to leave a message. Oh, and you can't go in to their office - they don't accept visitors without an appointment, and you can only make an appointment for a passport application once you have the forms and an application number.
In frustration I eventually wrote to them to ask for the forms. Forms were duly posted to us. We completed them, and sent them back. They were sent back to us because we'd missed something off (which was not listed in the 'supporting documents you need to send with your application' list. Then - silence. Nothing. So, 2 weeks ago I wrote to them again, explaining that as we are planning to move back to SA at the end of June (and they lost our documentation the first time around) I'd like to know where we are in the process. And then... silence. No response.
Yesterday though, I finally get a call. Didn't I receive a letter from them on the 20th March? No, I did not. Oh, well then they'll have to post me the forms again because we missed a spot where we had to sign something. (AAARRGGHHH!!) Ever so sweetly I ask whether it won't be possible for us to come in to the office to sign them - explaining again that they'd been lost the 1st time around and that we needed them done ASAP because we're moving home. Oh yes, no problem. Just come to the office any time in the morning and let the security guard know who we're coming to see.
So - early this morning we arrive (they only open at 9am and there was already a queue). The guard/ doorman is only letting people through who have an appointment and whose name appears on his list. (I just have to say how typically African this mentality is - we only live by the letter of the law, not the spirit of the law!) However, after explaining that we'd been called by one of the clerks and what we needed to do, he eventually let us in...
... where we proceeded to wait for about 30 minutes or more for the clerk we needed to see...
... only to sign the form in 2 places where (and get a load of this) there was no indication that we needed to sign and no line on which to sign...
... and then to discover that there was YET another form we needed to fill in that was not on the 'documents you need to send with your application' list...
...which requires us to fill in the ID numbers of both of one our sets of parents. Yes, like we carry that sort of info around with us all the time. I don't even know Graeme's ID number, and I'm supposed to just remember my parents' ones too?! And am I allowed to use my mobile phone (cell) to call them to get the info? No, phone use is banned in the Consulate. So, I duly ignored that rule and called my mother... (I figured one ID number was better than none.)... 3 times because reception was so poor she could barely hear me and I didn't want to shout as that would attract attention to the fact that I was illegally using my phone....
AAARRRGGHHH!!!
And then, after all that, we STILL have to wait 4-6 months for the application, even though it's now been 2 months since we started this whole process with the Consulate!
Very sweetly, and trying very hard not to lose my rag with the poor clerk (after all, SA civil servants do not have minds of their own or think for themselves, they only do exactly what they are told to - nothing more, nothing less), I asked if there was any way we could speed the process up (given they'd lost our documentation and we need Nellie's passport by the end of June so she can legally enter SA because her British one isn't good enough if we're moving back permanently because she doesn't have residency yet....)? No. At least, there isn't any way it can be done from the Consulate. (I mean - COME ON!! - this is the CONSULATE for crying out loud!!!)
No, what has to happen is that WE have to phone Pretoria Home Affairs ourselves, explain the situation all over again, and hope and pray we get a nice clerk on the other end of the line, because they're just the London Consulate Office, and apparently Home Affairs will take more notice of us than of them. Hmm... ja well no fine. (Now there's a good old South African expression!) If we do get a nice friendly clerk (CHANCES?!), then we might be able to get it early. If not, then we will have to apply for emergency travel documents for Nellie.....
I'm very tempted just to ignore the whole thing and pretend we're going home on holiday so she can get a 3 month visa. Her application OUGHT to be done by then... right? Or is that hoping for too much from our lovely government?
This is Nellie with Bradley, one of the other kids our childminder looks after. He's been like a big brother to Nellie, and she copies everything he does and says, and follows him everywhere. She also bullies him when she can - takes toys from him, pushes him off chairs, that kind of thing.
Latest skill - sitting the right way around on toy cars/ motorbikes and pushing herself FORWARDS, not just backwards! Doesn't she look so proud of herself here?
And a new favourite activity - playing with the straps on her pushchair/ car seat. She knows where & how they're supposed to fit together, but she doesn't yet have the fine motor coordination to put them together. She's trying though - it's better than a puzzle! It keeps her occupied for long stretches of time, which is especially useful when you're standing in a long queue!Speaking of queues... we stood in one for over an hour this morning trying to sort out her SA passport etc. What a saga! We registered her birth & applied for her passport back in SA in March last year. We thought we were being clever. As it takes 4-6 months to process (you just gotta LOVE the SA Home Affairs department's efficiency!) we were told not to check up on the applications until at least 6 months had passed. This we duly did. After 6 months, we called. No sorry, they have no record of our application. We faxed all the receipts etc to prove that we had made the application. No sorry, they have no record of our application. We must apply again, and no, sorry, they will not refund us our fees.
So, we duly applied again. This time from the UK, via the SA consulate in London. But it took us a while because you can't download the forms off the web (although it says you can) and their phone system is an automated one that does not allow you to leave a message. Oh, and you can't go in to their office - they don't accept visitors without an appointment, and you can only make an appointment for a passport application once you have the forms and an application number.
In frustration I eventually wrote to them to ask for the forms. Forms were duly posted to us. We completed them, and sent them back. They were sent back to us because we'd missed something off (which was not listed in the 'supporting documents you need to send with your application' list. Then - silence. Nothing. So, 2 weeks ago I wrote to them again, explaining that as we are planning to move back to SA at the end of June (and they lost our documentation the first time around) I'd like to know where we are in the process. And then... silence. No response.
Yesterday though, I finally get a call. Didn't I receive a letter from them on the 20th March? No, I did not. Oh, well then they'll have to post me the forms again because we missed a spot where we had to sign something. (AAARRGGHHH!!) Ever so sweetly I ask whether it won't be possible for us to come in to the office to sign them - explaining again that they'd been lost the 1st time around and that we needed them done ASAP because we're moving home. Oh yes, no problem. Just come to the office any time in the morning and let the security guard know who we're coming to see.
So - early this morning we arrive (they only open at 9am and there was already a queue). The guard/ doorman is only letting people through who have an appointment and whose name appears on his list. (I just have to say how typically African this mentality is - we only live by the letter of the law, not the spirit of the law!) However, after explaining that we'd been called by one of the clerks and what we needed to do, he eventually let us in...
... where we proceeded to wait for about 30 minutes or more for the clerk we needed to see...
... only to sign the form in 2 places where (and get a load of this) there was no indication that we needed to sign and no line on which to sign...
... and then to discover that there was YET another form we needed to fill in that was not on the 'documents you need to send with your application' list...
...which requires us to fill in the ID numbers of both of one our sets of parents. Yes, like we carry that sort of info around with us all the time. I don't even know Graeme's ID number, and I'm supposed to just remember my parents' ones too?! And am I allowed to use my mobile phone (cell) to call them to get the info? No, phone use is banned in the Consulate. So, I duly ignored that rule and called my mother... (I figured one ID number was better than none.)... 3 times because reception was so poor she could barely hear me and I didn't want to shout as that would attract attention to the fact that I was illegally using my phone....
AAARRRGGHHH!!!
And then, after all that, we STILL have to wait 4-6 months for the application, even though it's now been 2 months since we started this whole process with the Consulate!
Very sweetly, and trying very hard not to lose my rag with the poor clerk (after all, SA civil servants do not have minds of their own or think for themselves, they only do exactly what they are told to - nothing more, nothing less), I asked if there was any way we could speed the process up (given they'd lost our documentation and we need Nellie's passport by the end of June so she can legally enter SA because her British one isn't good enough if we're moving back permanently because she doesn't have residency yet....)? No. At least, there isn't any way it can be done from the Consulate. (I mean - COME ON!! - this is the CONSULATE for crying out loud!!!)
No, what has to happen is that WE have to phone Pretoria Home Affairs ourselves, explain the situation all over again, and hope and pray we get a nice clerk on the other end of the line, because they're just the London Consulate Office, and apparently Home Affairs will take more notice of us than of them. Hmm... ja well no fine. (Now there's a good old South African expression!) If we do get a nice friendly clerk (CHANCES?!), then we might be able to get it early. If not, then we will have to apply for emergency travel documents for Nellie.....
I'm very tempted just to ignore the whole thing and pretend we're going home on holiday so she can get a 3 month visa. Her application OUGHT to be done by then... right? Or is that hoping for too much from our lovely government?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Learning all the time
It's amazing how much kids learn and how quickly!
Yesterday, Nellie not only sucked on a straw for the first time (as opposed to blowing on a straw), but she managed to consume a large amount of my fruit frappacino using one! Her face when she first did it, and got a mouthful of cold juice, was a picture. I wish I'd been paying attention and had my camera ready!!
Then today she learnt to give a 'high 5'. How cute is that?
Yesterday, Nellie not only sucked on a straw for the first time (as opposed to blowing on a straw), but she managed to consume a large amount of my fruit frappacino using one! Her face when she first did it, and got a mouthful of cold juice, was a picture. I wish I'd been paying attention and had my camera ready!!
Then today she learnt to give a 'high 5'. How cute is that?
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