A friend like Henry

I'm reading the most amazing book at the moment. It's called 'A friend like Henry'. It's the true story of a family coping with autism. It's written by the mother, Nuala, and she simply tells of the family's journey as they struggle initially with their son, and later with their daughter, to cope with undiagnosed autism, then to get a diagnosis, and then to get treatment.

It could have been a very heavy read, but Nuala has written so well that it's incredibly easy to read - although not easy on the heart!

Reading about the struggles she has in dealing with her son: the lack of sleep, the physical demands of caring for a child who is unable to comprehend or demonstrate love, the lack of understanding of others in the community,  the damage it does to her marriage ... I am amazed by the capacity of the human heart to persevere in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.

I was also reminded of a friend who's son has Tay-Sachs. I know that she has endured similar heartbreak, heart ache and difficulties. I know that those who find themselves in that situation have no option but to do their best for their child, and can find it patronising when others say "I wouldn't be able to cope with that", or "I don't know how you do it". I know that, if we were thrown into such a situation, we would cope, because we have to, because our love for our child is greater than the obstacles we face.

And yet...

Yet it is unbearably hard at times. Reading this book I have wept - at the cruelty of medical professionals who think they know better than a child's mother, at the unfairness of life, at the hardship of loving another who cannot return that love.

When I was in the UK I spent a few weeks working in an autism unit for autistic children who were trying to integrate into a mainstream school. At the time, I found my time there intimidating. I was very pleased not to have to stay any longer than I did. After reading this book, I see now that I was hopelessly under-prepared by the staff. I could have done so much more if I'd just understood the children better.


Having lost my own child, when this book was recommended to me, I had my misgivings about reading it. I don't often willingly expose myself to anything on the topic of children in difficulty. My heart is too broken to deal with it. Yet, because it was recommended by a friend I really love and trust, I thought I'd give it a go. I'm so pleased I did! Despite the honesty in this book, the detail of hardship and difficulty, despite the pain and suffering so clearly evident, this is a book about hope, about beating the odds, about never giving up, about the beauty of the human spirit. (Oh yes, and there's a lot in it about a dog too - a golden retriever called Henry, of course!)