As a teacher, I come across kids who are labelled all the time - this one is a waste of space; that one is a lazy so-and-so; that child has Tourette's; this child is ADHD... And then there are the positive labels: this one is a genius, that one is such a hard worker/ achiever, this child is a hockey prodigy, that child is going to be head girl...
On the one hand, they are very handy labels, because they help me to know how to respond to a child - not necessarily in a bad way either. For the lazy one, I put him/ her under my nose and keep a close eye on work completed/ understood. For the ADHD child I try to ensure I don't lose my rag over the constant pen- or foot-tapping, while allowing that child to get up out of his/ her seat on a regular basis to cope with the stress of sitting still all the time. Etc, etc. Labels have their place. They are necessary, but their goodness or badness depends on the one who is making use of the label.
Labels can be dangerous. It's entirely possible that a particular child is bored in class, so winds up being mis-labelled, when actually it's the teacher's fault for not preparing the lesson adequately to meet that child's needs. By acting on the labels others have assigned, I risk limiting a particular child.
So I'm hesitant about them. From experience, they are often spot on, but I'm not sure whether that's a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy or not. I like to think that having labels in place really helps me to help them. Maybe talking to those kids would give data to the contrary though. Maybe I'm not as good at using labels in a positive way to help the kids as I'd like to believe.
Where am I going with this? Well, now it's personal...
Being a teacher myself, I have a good feel for the various labels used. I'm not a clinician and I would hate to make a diagnostic decision, but never the less, I have a practitioner's feel for the different disorders.
For a long time now, I've been wondering whether Janel is ADHD Inattentive. (ADD is no longer a term used - it's a sub-set of the ADHD spectrum disorder.) I know she's only 4, and I know that 4yr olds are hyperactive and inattentive and impulsive. There are times though when her behaviour is impossible to manage (without losing my temper) - and so much so that even her teachers have commented on it. We've tried behaviour management through play therapy. That has worked to a degree, but her behaviour is still not what I would expect of a 4yr old....
2 weeks ago we got her most recent report & she's made fantastic strides! We can testify to that at home as well. She's blossomed and matured in confidence and now is the most popular girl in her group. (That's her teacher's affirmation, not just my surmising of the situation!) (Wow - my little girl is popular!! There's another label, right there.) It finally seems that she is throwing off the label of 'Premature baby'. She finally seems to be catching up to her peers and reaching the age appropriate milestones (which are nothing other than yet more labels used to measure one child against another). (Yes, yes, okay, those milestones are just that - developmental milestones - but 99% of practitioners will link them to a specific age and if your child doesn't reach it by the linked age, then they will tell you there's something wrong with your child, instead of simply saying that your child is developing at a different pace.)
Despite the fantastic progress she's made cognitively, emotionally and physically, her underlying issues remain. This evening we went for an interview with her teacher to discuss her report. I thought I'd bite the bullet and ask her teacher for her opinion. "Do you think Janel is ADHD Inattentive?' I asked her. She paused, thought for a bit. I could see her weighing up her options. After a few seconds, she nodded. 'Yes, I think so, but I wouldn't say that if you weren't both teachers,' she responded.
I understand that. Telling someone outside of the education or psychiatry field who doesn't understand the disorder is likely to be terrified or heart-broken by it. I'm not. I can't speak for Graeme.
Of course, we're going to get a proper diagnosis at some point (sooner rather than later). Having a proper diagnosis is the first and most important step, because then we will know exactly where we stand and how to move forward.
The play therapist we went to has already identified that Janel is a low-stimulus child, which means she needs a greater stimulation from the environment around her to be able to concentrate. Thus, we've already got her sitting on a special stimulation cushion during ring time (which has helped a lot). She also recommended daily body brushing (as often as we can do it - but at least twice a day) - which we haven't been doing - in order to help her nervous system mature and normalise, possibly helping her to become a medium-stimulus child. Both of these things would seem to be in line with a child who has ADHD.
Having a proper diagnosis means that we won't have to lose our temper with her as often, because she isn't just being rebellious or acting out - we'll understand that she genuinely isn't ABLE to behave differently in a given situation. We can alter the way we relate to her - e.g. by understanding that she can't listen to us effectively if she's doing anything else, so forcing her to stop and look at us when we're giving her instructions. We can stop getting worked up about her inability to sit still while doing anything, and just allow her to (for example) play with a toy while eating her supper.
Probably most importantly though, we can help her to learn how to manage herself, so that she can grow up to be a successful teenager and successful adult. I guess that's what parenting is about in general, as each child has to learn to manage themselves properly, irrespective of their nature or biology.
I know that many parents would be scared - scared of what others think, scared of how it might reflect back on themselves, scared of what it means to have an ADHD kid, scared for the child and what s/he will have to face in life. I'm not scared of finding out that Janel is, or is not, ADHD. I'm scared of two things:
1) Finding out she's not ADHD and then having her put in a classroom environment that teaches her she's abnormal, and that then tries to force her into behaving as everyone else does (in a negative sense - there are, of course, benefits to be gained by conforming to certain social standards). She really struggles to sit still, for example, so I can forsee her getting into a LOT of trouble at school because she can't do this. If she's not ADHD, then will her teachers be willing to let her sit on her special cushion anyway? Will they be patient with her shortcomings, or will they label her as difficult because she struggles to stay on task?
2) Finding out she is ADHD and then having her put in a classroom environment that teaches her she's "different". Let's assume her teacher accepts it as a genuine diagnosis and doesn't secretly believe that ADHD is a fake disorder (which many teachers secretly do!), and let's assume that her teacher knows the strategies for dealing effectively with ADHD kids. There's still a long way to go between effective strategies and teaching my child that, even with ADHD, she's accepted, loved and capable as any other child in the class.
Because she is. Janel is a bright child, with a quick mind. She is capable of great things. She is also incredibly sensitive, and she really struggles with her ability to focus. If she can learn to overcome the latter, and learn to moderate the former, she'll go far in life. I just know it. It's my job as her mother to help her do just that.
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