Monday, August 24, 2009

Squak & family traditions

Just as I call Nellie 'Munchkin' because of her behaviour as a baby (she wouldn't munch so much as snack...), I find myself giving Nate another nickname: Squak. This is the noise he makes when he has a sore tummy that isn't sore enough to really cry about, but is obviously spasmodic. It's a very cute noise, despite the cause.

Isn't it funny how family names develop? My niece was called Squashie, from Gem Squash (a dark green, round squash that is yellow on the inside and delicious to eat with cinnamon and sugar), because her nickname sounded like Gem (and I seem to recall my brother saying something about how squashie she looked as a newborn). Now, of course, she looks nothing like a little squashie - quite the opposite. She's nearly as tall as I am, lanky and gorgeous.

Family traditions and cultures are so important. They help to create family bonds and engender family identity, everything from special family names right through to a particular recipe for some traditional family meal.

I've tried to create a few of our own, and as Nellie grows and develops, I want to create more. I think the most important one, thus far, is about how much we love her. Knowing that you are loved beyond measure is the most important thing, I think, to developing self-love, self-worth and self-confidence. Thus, I regularly tell her that I will always love her, even when she's naughty. More importantly though, we have a little ritual to remind her of just how much we love her: I love you as wide as my arms can stretch* (stretch your arms out wide) and as close as I can hold you to my heart (arms crossed over chess in pretend hug). I wanted her to know that we would always hold her close to our hearts, but that we would also love her enough to let her grow and leave us, symbolised by the two actions. I also wanted a litany that we could repeat to her over the phone that would comfort her if (when?) we were separated from each other for any reason.

Similarly, we have the routine of her asking us to 'stay with [her] a small/ big bit'. This is her way of looking for the security that we won't abandon her as soon as she goes to bed. Again, wanting to create a secure child, we always stay with her (outside the bedroom door, or in the adjacent room), although usually for a small bit, as that could be as little as 30s if we need or want to be elsewhere.

We've also just started teaching her the family whistles. Of course, she can't whistle yet. She simply calls 'hoo hoo', but that's no reason for her not to be able to identify the whistles. My dad and step-mom have a family whistle, and G and I have a different one. There's something really intimate about having a whistle, contrary to what one might first think. No-one else uses the whistle; it's just for us. It's also really nice not having to shout across Pick 'n Pay - a simple whistle and whistled reply let's us know whether the other is there, and if so, where. (In today's modern age, it can also be used in places where cell phone reception is shoddy.)

As Christmas approaches, and as Nellie is getting old enough to remember the Christmas story in detail, I'm also thinking about traditions around that. G and I bought a beautiful, carved wooden collection of Christmas figurines while we were touring Zambia on our epic journey before moving to the UK. It was our first proper trip as a married couple, and it was such a memorable, special trip (for many reasons), that the set has sentimental value for us. When we bought it, we talked about having kids and using it to create special rituals for them. Now that time has come - nearly a decade later! Now, of course, we need to develop that tradition - maybe reading the story as we set the figurines up, maybe singing a particular hymn together (she already loves 'Hark, the Herald Angels sing', maybe praying together.

What are your family traditions or culture? I'd really love to hear what makes your family special. What made you feel safe and loved in your family? What made you feel you belonged to each other?

*In years to come I hope this image will also help to connect her to the image of Jesus' love for her by spreading his arms wide on the cross

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