Whirlwind

So much to say... as it's nearly midnight, I won't say it all. Suffice to say this week has been incredibly exhausting. With Nellie sick at home (worried about swine flu so didn't send her to nursery as I might normally have done) and Nate not comfortable, and Priscilla off work today, and G working Tues, Wed AND Thurs evenings, I'm a bit frazzled. Thus, we got takeaways for supper, and a movie. (In the midst of all this, today I saw the gynae again and got an IUD.... feeling a bit emotional about that... Definitely no more kids for us then.... Feeling very emotional about that, actually....)

We watched 'The Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith & Junior (who has a very long string of names). It's a movie I've been wanting to see since it came out (we hardly ever get to go to the movies - babysitting is expensive; don't want to overuse the freebies of family babysitters; movies are expensive; often too tired to go out). I'm glad I got to see it tonight, but I wish I hadn't. If that makes sense....

It's the story of one man's struggle to provide for his family. He makes one bad business decision and that ultimately results in him losing everything except the clothes on his back, and his son. One night, he and his son sleep on the floor of a public men's room. Being a Hollywood story, it has a happy ending. Along the way though, he sometimes turns into a horrible, nasty parent. Stress will do that to one. When being on time means the difference between sleeping on the street or getting a bed in a shelter, the fact that your son's favourite toy gets dropped and left behind is just tough.

I wept through a lot of the story. I was amazed at his ability to refuse to turn into a victim. Despite his circumstances he ensured that he and his kid had clean clothes to wear and food to eat. He had a goal in mind (becoming a stock broker in order to ensure that his family were taken care of) and he refused to be deviated from it, no matter what the personal sacrifices. He believed in himself with such quiet authority that the happy ending was entirely plausible.

Possibly the best, and worst, moments of the movie for me were when he and his son were in a hall in a shelter, with about 100 others. The lights were out and his son was about to go to sleep. Then he reached up, touched his father's face and said, "You're a good Papa." What higher praise could there be? And yet how tragic that this little child, only 5, could recognise that his father was giving up everything in order to ensure his little boy was ok, but that he (the father) really needed someone to love him in return and bolster his own spirit a little against the horrors of a life on the edge of society. Children can be so astute, yet they should never have to be.

Throughout the movie I found myself praying that G and I would never find ourselves in a situation like that. Fortunately, we have a lot of family in this city who, I'm sure, would help us out if we got into a tight spot. We also have options this man didn't: we own a property that could be rented out or sold if needs be. We are also both holding down jobs in a sector that is relatively stable despite the economy. I never want to have to look my kids in the eyes and tell them we have to move because we're broke. It could happen in an instant - if either G or I died in the near future, in the time between the death and the estate being sorted out, with the bank account frozen, I could easily see the remaining partner being financially crippled. And so I prayed.

This movie also reminded me that a lot of the homeless people around us are people like us, who simply got into financial trouble. It's not that they are necessarily bad people, or that they necessarily chose this lifestyle. It reminded me how hard it is, once you find yourself in that position, to get out of it. Society is currently set up in such a way that it keeps those already at the bottom of the pile from rising up the pile. If someone turns up to interview in anything other than a suit, they can forget being hired. If they turn up unwashed, forget it. If they turn up late, forget it. Yet, each of these things could simply be the result of their current circumstances, and this job could easily be the thing that helps get them off the street and into a flat where they will be able to wash their clothes and person, or whatever.

It reminded me, most importantly, about the power of grace. Society tells us that if you are down and out, poor, unskilled, uneducated, etc, then you are not worthy of mercy, or a second chance. (Your rent is late, I'll evict you rather than give you another month.) Yet, if we were to cut these folk some slack, demonstrate a bit of compassion and mercy, it might just change our world completely. These folk might then be able to get a foot on the ladder.

Oprah did a show recently (in SA we're about 4 months behind the US) about local heroes. One local hero was a couple who own a motel. Although they run the motel as a business, they also offer free rooms to those who need them - families who have lost their homes because of the current economic crisis. In addition, they have an all-day kitchen facility providing free 'breakfast' to anyone (limited, I think, to those living or working at the motel) who wants one. Can you even imagine the difference their compassion is having on families who would otherwise be on the streets? Good, decent people who have lost their jobs and so have nowhere to sleep at least now have a roof over their heads. So what that an entire family is sleeping in one room. One room is better than none.

I want to make a difference like that, but I don't want to sacrifice. My kids each have their own room. We have a massive bedroom. All 4 of us could easily sleep in our bedroom (although where we'd put all the kids' clothes and toys is a bit beyond me). That would leave two rooms free and available for others to use. But I don't want to do that. It's not just that I don't want to share my house or have others in my space. Community living is hard, no doubt about it. I just don't want to feel I'm constantly playing host. However, I know that if one of my family or a friend needed help, I'd pack Nathan's stuff into boxes and move him out of his room without a second thought.

A news item recently said that orphanages and other child care places (like Child Line) are really struggling at the moment. The rate at which babies are being abandoned has increased as the recession has hit families harder and harder. The rate at which babies are being adopted has decreased as the recession has hit families harder. They are not able to cope with the increase in babies, and they are worried that these kids will not be placed, and so will remain institutionalised for the rest of their childhood. They showed visuals of these babies all just lying on the carpet: no toys, no stimulation, no-one to love them, talk to them or cuddle them. Watching the video clip my heart broke. I came close to picking up the phone and saying we'd take a child.

Having kids changes your perspective on them forever. You begin to realise how precious they are, what a gift they are. Losing a child takes that realisation to a whole new dimension. I can only imagine how wretched the parents of the abandoned babies must be feeling - to be able to abandon your child because you have too many to care for already; to abandon your child in the hopes that someone else might be able to provide for it in a way you know you never will.... I can only imagine the pain of walking away. I don't know whether these kids were left by the side of the road or taken to institutions. I can only hope it was the latter. Either way, my heart bleeds for both the children and their parents.

I therefore admired Will Smith's character for his determination to provide for his child; not to give his son up to state care; to insist on keeping his son with him. In the face of overwhelming odds, it can often seem to be in the best interests of the child to have him fostered, or placed in an orphanage. A friend working in Mozambique sees this every day - she works at an orphanage where many of the kids actually have at least one living parent who (for a variety of reasons) is unable to care for their child. Heartbreaking stuff.

The righteous shall live by faith. Ever since I saw the news slot on the SA orphanages, I've been thinking about adopting. We don't have the money to raise another child. Right now I don't know that I could cope with another baby in the house.

And yet.

Where is the mercy for these kids? Where is the grace? Those who live by faith for their finances often report that God comes through for them at the 11th hour, that a box of food appears, or some money is mysteriously deposited in their accounts, or whatever. Maybe we should stop worrying about the money, and start worrying about the kids. Maybe we should just go ahead and adopt these kids and let God take care of providing for them. Maybe. Maybe that's too big a leap of faith for us right now.

And yet.

Anyone looking at the family who runs the motel would tell them they're taking a HUGE risk letting people have rooms for free. They're losing out on income from the rooms taken. It doesn't make financial sense for the owners, especially given the current economic crisis in the US. And yet they've gone ahead. For them, the blessing of caring for these folk far outweighs the sacrifices they have to make. Couldn't it be that way for us too? Even though adopting a child would be a huge financial and physical sacrifice for us, couldn't it be that the blessings of doing so far outweighed the sacrifices?

I don't know. I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is. If we are able to help, but fail to... well, I don't like the look of that millstone. Yet, how does one measure the ability to help? It's surely not just about money? Often the poorest of the poor are the ones who help others the most, who start up community projects, who give their "widow's mite". If we don't take a child in, aren't we saying that money is more important to us than saving a life?

And yet, don't we have a responsibility to care for the 2 gorgeous kids God's already given us?

And yet, what about Mr Shine (another Oprah episode) who has 9 kids (of which only 1 is biological) and is a SINGLE PARENT? If he can do it, why can't we adopt just one more?

Well, right now I'm too tired to reason this out any further. But all of this is bubbling away at the back of my mind all the time. I need an answer to it. I need a resolution. So I'm going to go sleep on the problem. Maybe God will give me inspiration.