Let's play catch-up

I haven't posted anything significant for a while... partly because I've been too busy, partly because I've been feeling really down. (As a result, I've noticed that the number of reads/ hits I've been getting has decreased.) So it feels like I haven't talked about stuff for ages... Let's play catch-up.

Building work: basically done. Cupboards start going in on Monday. Painting (internal) has started; external will start in the next fortnight as soon as there's no threat of rain to wet the plaster. Bathroom is basically finished (shower doors still need to go on, and we need to choose tiles for the shower floor). Carpeting & under floor heating - we've got one more quote to come in on Monday, then we make the decision. The outstanding things of importance are the fences, alarm and burglar bars. Yeuch! This is the part I hate. Anyway, the result is that we should be set to move in in about a fortnight. YIKES!! We have to start packing........

School: one more week full time, then onto half days till the end of May. Thank God because I don't think I can handle much more. My gynae says I walk like someone who is already full term (39/40 weeks), and I'm only 31 weeks. I am SO SORE all the time... I just keep reminding myself that we only have 5 weeks to go till the induction. As always, I have a PILE of marking to do, but my exam papers are all done - which is a huge relief.

Baby: At Thursday's scan he was doing well - now weighs 1.8kg (which is normal for 31 weeks) and had a good heart beat. He's kicking well at the moment too - he seems to take great pleasure in reminding me that he's doing well every time I get up in the night to wee. As soon as I'm back in bed, he spends about 3 minutes kicking the living daylights out of me. Last night was so bad I not only had to press on him to save myself from crying out, but I contemplated getting up and walking around to rock him back to sleep!

Of course, what keeps running through my head is that all of this means nothing. Zoe was exactly the same, and 24hrs later was dead. It could happen again. Having this amazing reminder that he's fine at the moment does not mean he won't be dead in 24hrs. So, yup, I'm finding myself getting more paranoid by the day.

Today was my baby shower, which was fantastic. I was blown away by the number of people who made it on a long weekend, and I was blown away by their generosity towards us. But I can't help thinking that I really hope and pray I'm not going to have to deal with all these presents if he dies between now and his birth. I'm getting more and more excited about meeting him, and more and more worried that it'll be a repeat of Zoe. For that reason, I'm so glad we have a doppler that is working now! It's such a relief to know it's there. I wish I'd taken a photo of all the pressies before I packed them away/ put them in the wash. Maybe tomorrow I'll take them all out and take a photo anyway.

The family: Things with G are going so much better. One of the positive effects of this friend of mine having cancer and being in ICU, and of my cousin suddenly announcing that her hubbie wants a divorce, is that it's made me start demonstrating what I feel for G more overtly. It's reminded me that life is short and that you can't take people for granted.

J has also been mostly an angel recently. She's got a nasty cough, so has been rather... um... well... grouchy and whiny. But inbetween her grouchiness, she has been such an angel. She really is growing up now, and can be reasoned with. It's such a blessing to have such a wonderful little girl in the house, even when she's screaming blue murder because she wants MOMMY to wash her and not Daddy! She's also getting very excited about her baby brother. She keeps asking when he's going to arrive, and told me yesterday she wants TWO brothers - just like Johari (a friend from nursery whose mom gave birth to twins). Both Dad and I told her she was lucky to be getting one brother, and to count her blessings. I don't think she understood that, so got a bit sulky about the whole thing. Ag shame!

And then there's the nesting instinct. Bizarrely, this evening, I got the urge to sort out my wrapping papers!!! I mean, HELLO????!?!?!! Ja, kid you not. Of all the things that needed doing, that really was not a priority, but I got this sudden and desperate urge to do it. I can only hope that does not mean this baby is about to arrive. My step-sister was joking today that 2 days after our move, he'll be here. I really, really, really, really hope that's not the case.

Speaking of whom - great news is that the doctors finally have a diagnosis of what is ailing her. Only took them 5 months to figure it out, during which time she came dangerously close to dying on several occasions. Now, the next step is to figure out what treatment she's going to take, or what meds, because this will possibly be a life-long thing for her. But thank God we now know what's wrong, and thank God it is treatable!

So - in a nutshell, that's my life.