Play nice

My mother used to tell me to 'play nice'. She would say it both seriously and in jest: seriously when my siblings and I were being mean to each other or the pets; in jest when I was blowing off steam about someone. If she were listening now, she would tell me to 'play nice'.

I have to be careful of what I say, because I know that people I work with will be reading this, and I don't really want to gossip, but I do need to blow off some steam, so apologies if this post doesn't read as well as it should.

There is someone at work who rubs me up the wrong way. Let's call this person Jo/e (that way he/ she could be either sex. Jo/e has zero people skills. Till recently, I managed not to antagonise Jo/e - who has a nasty habit of being incredibly rude to others. Others have commented to me with amazement that I have managed to remain on Jo/e's good side. Despite the fact that Jo/e had not bitten my head off, or insulted me, I could see why people would not like him/ her.

But knowing something intellectually and knowing it exponentially are two completely different things.

In the last few days, Jo/e decided that I had done something wrong. Instead of talking to me about it, or trying to find out why I had acted as I had, or merely asking me not to take that particular action again, he/she made an incredibly sarcastic comment to me. It was designed to humiliate me. I thank God no-one else was around to hear the comment. I was embarrassed and hurt by it, but not humiliated. I tried to stand up for myself, but I was so shocked by Jo/e's comment that I didn't really do a good job. Instead, I opted to remove myself from the situation and say nothing further to Jo/e.

Then, yesterday morning, Jo/e greeted me like we were best pals, as if nothing had occurred the previous week - no apology, no nothing. Again, I was flabbergasted.

Today I discovered that Jo/e has also failed to communicate some fairly important information to me regarding a project we have both been assigned to...

I really don't know how to play this one out. On the one hand I really don't want to create more conflict with an individual whose character does not allow for this to be resolved, and with whom I have to continue to work for as long as I remain at this school. On the other hand, I want to be bitchy to him/ her and inflict the same embarrassment and pain on him/ her that he/she has inflicted on me.

I chatted about this to another colleague who deals with Jo/e on a regular basis, asking for advice. The advice was to just let it go, that Jo/e really doesn't know better; that trying to get resolution is only going to make life more difficult for all the staff. It's probably very wise advice. (You can hear there's a "but" coming...) BUT...

I want justice. I want an apology, a recognition that what was said was not only insensitive, but hurtful and inappropriate. Since I'm unlikely to get that, I feel so frustrated and fed-up I could scream. I just know that until I feel justice has been achieved, I'm going to have to battle an intense desire to be bitchy to Jo/e every time I see him/ her. 'Play nice'.... ja right, like I really want to do that.

But Mom was always right, so maybe just this once, I'll actually listen and heed her advice. Violence (physical or otherwise) never solves anything. As my boss is fond of saying, it only makes this worse. In this case, it wouldn't just be me that things would be worse for, it would have an impact on the kids and our other colleagues too, and that really isn't fair.

So - I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and just 'play nice' when I see Jo/e tomorrow. Sigh! This being godly thing is SO much tougher than it looks from the outside.