Unexpected visitor

Sitting on my bed, marking (yes, I know - school's out for the holidays, and I'm still marking... sigh... the life of a teacher!), when I heard a thump on the roof. Initially I thought it might be a burglar, attempting to remove roof tiles, but as there were no further sounds, I then thought it might be a hadeda landing. However, when hadeda's have landed previously, their claws have scraped on the tiles because the pitch of our roof is so shallow. There were no scraping sounds.

Perplexed, we looked out the windows, but couldn't see anything. I didn't want to go out, in case it was a burglar after all. However, a few moments later, what should fly down from the roof into the tree in our garden, but a Peregrine falcon! I was gob-smacked! I haven't seen one of them in town before, and definitely not in suburbia.

It sat in the tree, with its back to me, but kept a beady eye on me through the window. I didn't dare move - I wanted a photo, but thought living the experience was more important than recording it (my phone was in the kitchen, so if I had gone to get it, I would probably have missed the experience). We sat there watching each other for several long moments.

Finally, with a flick of its wings, it took off, and only then did I notice its prey in its right talons. Clearly what I heard was the impact of the falcon catching the dove, and then landing on our roof.

I believe these falcons have been reintroduced in Cape Town CBD to help reduce pigeon numbers. I know they are also actively breeding on the Tygerberg Hills. So they are clearly around. But it's so thrilling to see one while sitting in my bed. I hope it nests up on the tallest building in the area (a block of flats) and returns soon.

Since I couldn't get my own image, here's one taken at Arabella Wine Farm, on R60 near Ashton. Thanks to whoever the photographer is! (Their website seems to be down at the moment, so you can find out more about the wine farm here.)

The times they are a'changin'

I had two interesting conversations today at work. Both surprised me - and I'm not often genuinely surprised by the things people say to me, or about me. So here I am again...

Humility, true humility, is something I think many of us struggle with. I know I do. I know that I am capable in many areas of life. I hesitate to say I am gifted because I know many people who are far more gifted than I am. I'm more of a generalist. I do a lot of things really well, but nothing really excellently. There are few things that I am not capable of doing well if I really apply myself to them (of course, I'm too lazy & selfish to really apply myself).

In addition, growing up I was thin, tall and stereotypically beautiful. Given all this, I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I was blessed with so much, while others were not. I felt guilty for other people feeling uncomfortable around me. I felt guilty for being so much better at things than others, for things coming so easily to me. So I developed a habit of always downplaying myself, never accepting compliments. And as we all know, bad habits stick.

Why do I tell you this? Because today I was reminded of how far I have come, and how far I have yet to go. I've learnt to accept myself more, but I still find it hard to overcome my learnt responses. I still struggle to accept compliments. Now, however, it's not because I am trying to downplay my own abilities, but rather because I see myself more truly than those who see only the outside of me, and I find myself wanting.

Today I was given a compliment that I have the ability to write excellently phrased letters to parents seemingly effortlessly. I caught myself trying to deflect - I know I don't get it right all the time. Before I could though, this person told me I should blog, because I write so beautifully. Well! Blogging is a TOTALLY different skill to drafting letters - there I go again, trying to deflect (even though it's true). But the comment got me thinking. Why did I stop blogging? If I'm honest, I stopped blogging because I felt I had nothing to say. I didn't want to just rehash things everyone else was talking about - there are others who said it first and so much better than I ever could. I also felt curtailed in writing about the things I really wanted to say and reflect upon, because of professionalism. That left me with nothing much to say.

And there is nothing worse than reading a blog post that has neither substance nor direction, that skirts around the issues, or says nothing in particular and everything in general. If I wrote, I wanted it to be because it was genuine, heart-warming, thought-provoking, life enhancing, pleasurable, something, anything other than boring and mundane. I may not write for others to read - I write so that my children can look back and get to know the real me, and so that I can look back and see how (hopefully) I've stopped being quite so pretentious - but I do like to be read, acknowledged. And if people are going to read my writing, I want it to have some sort of meaning.

I suppose the lack of writing, of feeling I had neither something to say, nor something worthwhile to say, was actually symptomatic of a much deeper issue - the fact that I was bored with myself; that my life had become narrow and grey and lifeless.

It was into that context that the second conversation took place. The second person also complimented me, by saying that I have been a different person this year - glowing with inner beauty. (Wow! Really??) This person asked what I'd changed. Initially I had no answer, but as we chatted I realised that what had changed was my attitude. When I went to the Global Leadership Conference last year (I try to go every year. It is an incredible event!), I realised that I was burnt out, and that unless I made some significant changes in my life, I was going to end up on medication for depression, possibly suicidal.

So I found myself a mentor, and she has been holding me accountable for implementing the changes I identified that I needed to make. As I've made the changes, and tried to stick with it (some months are better than others), I've found that my life has been richer, happier, broader.

And so maybe it is time to see whether I have stuff to say again. Maybe my first colleague is right - maybe I should be a blogger again, in practice, not just in name. It may well be that what I want to say and reflect upon I can't really, for professional reasons, but maybe I've recovered enough of myself to have other things to talk about. The times they are a-changin'...

Value added

I recently attended the Global Leadership Summit, but via videocast here at home. There were lots of take-home points for me, but I'll share one with you now.

How can you add value to other people's lives?

I was struck by this simple idea - starting every day by thinking and praying through all the meetings I would have, people whose lives I would touch in some way, and thinking about ways I could add value to their lives. (Obviously, the point is then to act on whatever you have thought about!)

Since then, I have made this our nightly opening question at the dinner table. How did you add value today?

Some days it has been easy to answer. Other days, it has been nigh on impossible to think of how I have added value. Whatever the outcome though, I have found the process of reflection eye-opening. I'm not so good with starting the day with reflection, and planning ways I might add value. That's something I am working on though. However, the nightly reflection is starting to affect my daily routines.

Today, instead of giving up on a particularly difficult student who messed up yet again (which is what my natural inclination was), I found myself able to reflect in the moment on my own behaviour and choose a different response that would be more helpful to the student. I found myself able to engage in conversation that, I hope, added value. For me, that's quite a milestone.

One of the secrets of adding value is that it doesn't have to be focussed on evangelism and eternal destinies. Opening a door for someone, smiling at someone, making someone feel seen or heard or loved or appreciated - these all add value. Of course, the ultimate value we can add is to help others to make the choice to step over the line of faith, so I'm not discounting that;

But I have found such freedom in thinking about how to add value to the cashier, or waiter, or petrol pump attendant I come across during my week. Of course, Bill Hybels talks about this same concept (albeit using different words) in his book 'Walk across the room', which is about personal evangelism. I know that for some people this stuff is 2nd nature, and I know that this is stuff I have known about before, but for some reason, at this stage and season of my life and walk with God, this concept has become totally fresh for me; revelatory, in fact.

So I challenge you - how are you adding value to those around you (not just your friends and family, although you should add value to their lives as well!) on a daily basis? And how can you get better at this?

Another brick in the wall

On a recent walk with the dogs I come across several new pieces of graffiti - including one that said 'vandalism is bad'. Yes, well, enough said, right?

One that got me thinking though, on a high brick wall, was 'Don't be just another brick in the wall'. Ironically, the wall was right next to a school.... (All together now...) We don't need no education....  We don't need no thought control....

But I got to thinking about the bricks in the wall. The lie told to the youth today is that you do all be whatever you want to be. This is, patently, a lie. Just like the lie that everyone can be a leader. If everyone was a leader, who would they lead? While there has been much research to try to determine whether every child truly has the same potential at birth, and if so, how to maximize it for every child, the reality is that all children do not start out win the same potential at birth, but also that whatever potential a child may have at birth, the circumstances whole growing it will often determine the end product. Of course there are exceptions, but then, every rule has its exception.

So, coming back to the bricks... If every brick tried to be a bird, there would be no walls. And walls can be good. Walls serve to protect - and I'm not just thinking about protection from crime. Walls protect against wind, and storms, and adverse weather. They can provide shade from the summer sun, and radiate heat on cold nights. Walls are good things. Every brick in a wall serves a noble purpose, but only provided that the wall was erected for a noble purpose. Aspiring to be a brick is a noble calling.

The problem, then, is not whether you are a brick or not, but which wall you are part of. Are you part of a wall that protects and shelters, or one that divides and contributes to increased fear? And how does the brick know? And does the brick really get much of a choice?

If the builder is the one who selects the bricks, and determines the purpose for the wall, then the real question becomes which builder are you in the hands of? One who builds for a noble purpose, or one who builds out of fear and intolerance? When you find yourself in a wall that is noble, do you long for something else, to be something other than a brick? If you find yourself in a wall that has an ignoble purpose, how do you respond? 

It's at this point that the analogy has been stretched to its natural endpoint, and falls apart. But up till here, it's an interesting thought to ponder, is it not?

#NaNoWriMo 2015

OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! I'm a #NaNoWinner2015! I actually wrote 50,000 words in a month... I can't believe it.

What is more amazing, is that my story isn't done yet. A month ago I was worried I wouldn't be able to make it stretch to 50,000 words, and then, as the month went on I found myself wondering how I was going to condense it to 50,000. And then I figured: you know what? I'm just going to write, and not worry about the word count so much. I have been having SO much fun writing - I'd forgotten how much I love writing, and being creative.

Of course, I think my story is very average - possibly quite boring. But that's not the point. I had fun writing it. I AM having fun writing it. I might be rubbish at writing, but now that I'm 40 (oh dear God, help me!) I don't feel the need to succumb to the pressure that I have to be good at something to enjoy doing it.

So who knows... maybe I will start serialising my book here for you to read. If you like it, good for you. If not, I don't care. (Well, I do, just a little.)

And, naturally, it no doubt needs a lot of editing. So maybe I'll ask my English teacher friend who got me into this whole malarkey in the first place to be my editor.... PUNISHMENT! (Good thing she likes Fantasy books!)

But I am on such a high at the moment that I just had to gush and share it with anyone who cares, and several who don't.

It's not so bad!

So I thought it might be good to keep a record of how my writing is progressing, so that if I decide to do this again in a future year, I will be able to look back on this year's experience with something more accurate than memory.

The first few days were great, but then life got in the way. This morning, though, I got up nice and early to try and get some writing done, because the rest of the day is filled with various events. Although I've started both threads of my story, I've mostly been focusing on one of the threads this past week. As I re-read the story I've written so far, I felt the excitement rise - I am LOVING the story! I think I've written it pretty well, so far, but then, I suppose I'm biased. But, what I really loved was that I found myself being sucked straight back into the story. I want to know how it ends, because it's an exciting story. For me, that was a great moment. If I am excited by this story, then hopefully others will be too.

The actual writing though, is hard. I'm not a planner; I'm what's called a pantser - writing by the seat of your pants. As I write, the characters reveal the story to me. I have a broad overview of where I think this story is going, but already I've been surprised as where the characters take me. They're changing the story as we travel along together. But that makes it hard. It's no longer just me thinking about how to say what I want to say - I have to really listen to the characters, and figure out where we're going, and then figure out how best to convey that on paper. My brain isn't used to this type of creative work - it's definitely out of practice.

I've hit my target for today, but it took me two hours. I still have lots of writing to catch up on... 4360 words, in fact! At this rate, I really am going to have to write every day if I want to hit my target by the end of the month.

Swallowed whole by words

This year I am taking the plunge and going to attempt to write a 50 000 word novel in a month, with NaNoWriMo. NaNoWriMo is ostensibly an American institution - National Novel Writing Month - but there are thousands of non-USA folk who join in.

I used to write - poetry, songs, short stories... this blog! - quite a lot, but then, somehow, I stopped. About 2 or 3 weeks ago though, I woke up with a dream still vividly present in my imagination. When it stayed vivid through-out that day, and the next, I decided to commit it to paper... and before I knew what had hit me, I was 4 chapters in! Given that I knew about NaNoWriMo, and that it was so close to November (the month in which NaNo takes place) I decided to give it a bash.

I'm scared nearly witless by this challenge - 50 000 words is 1 667 per day - which is a HECK of a lot of words! And although I have a part of the story mapped out in my head, the majority is still a complete blank for me. I anticipate the beginning will be easy, but I'm nervous about whether I can stick with this... will life get in the way? Will inspiration desert me? Will what I write be any good?

This month holds a lot for me - my birthday, my daughter's birthday, end of year exam marking, planning for 2016, training staff on being a Google Apps school, and now NaNo. Am I completely insane?!? A sucker?!? Given that this year is a big birthday, maybe this is the mid-life crisis everyone talks about?

Whatever it is, if you don't hear from me this month, it's because my energies are being channeled into writing. I am about to be swallowed whole by words - and I think I'm going to love it! I have added a widget here though, to keep track of my words, so you can see how I'm doing. All encouragement will be gladly accepted!