Friendship, true friendship, is such a precious gift. It's so much more than the camaraderie one has with colleagues, or the parents of your kids' friends. True, deep, abiding friendship is sweet to the soul, a shelter in the storm, a balm in the darkness.
Building those kinds of friendships takes time. Spare time is something I don't have much of, really, which is a function of the season of life I'm in (full-time working mom with small kids and a large extended family). I get that, and I wouldn't want to make my life busier by trying to squeeze time in for building new relationships, nor do I want to give up the time I currently spend with the extended family or my kids.
Never the less, I find myself yearning for those deep friendships. The ones I had before we left SA have waned. The ones I had in the UK are not really possible to sustain at the same depth over the long distance. I am, essentially, starting all over again (although we've been back for 4.5 years already!).
With the start of the new school year, I was struck again by how much I suck at making new deep friendships. I'm great at socialising with colleagues, or chatting to other parents in the playground, but I really suck at taking the relationship deeper and making it real. In one sense, I want that deep friendship with everyone, which is COMPLETELY irrational and impractical. I know that I shouldn't still be seeking the complete and perfect acceptance and affirmation from everyone, yet that's what I want. I also know that if I were to truly TRY and get that, I would burn out completely.
Yet, there is a lot I can still do. For various reasons, I haven't. I need to select the three or so people I really want to build relationships with, and then actively pursue it (assuming, of course, that they want the same from me). I need to accept my own limitations in terms of building deep, abiding friendships. I need to be intentional about the small things - dropping them a one liner sms/ whatsapp during the day, calling them every now and then, considering them and letting them know I'm doing so.
I reckon I've become increasingly lazy about friendships.
Thinking about it, I'm generally lazy about relationships. I can't remember the last time I took the initiative to do something special for the people I love, to surprise them, to truly bless and appreciate them.
Hmm... okay, so, new task for the next 2 weeks: every day, to send ONE sms/ whatsapp message/ email/ phonecall to ONE person I love, enquiring after them, telling them I love and appreciate them, etc.
Which of you is brave enough to keep me accountable on this? LOL!
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Monday, February 06, 2012
Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening....
Picture it - around 6.30am this morning:
That was how my day started, more or less.
All told though, it was a relatively good day. I got to spend it outdoors with about 125 Gd 11s in the sun and in a river; some of whom are just too ... snobbish? cool? scared?... to actually get wet or dirty. Oh dear God, help me! I'm going to strangle them.
For many of them, it was the first time they've ever caught tadpoles, or crabs (the invertebrate kind, not the STD kind!)
(Speaking of which, I finally got around to getting an HIV test last week. It's something we actively promote at the school, to help destigmatise it. The nurse didn't realise that I'd never had one before - I was apparently so calm and collected she assumed it must be a regular thing for me. That's me - Miss Cool, Calm and Collected.)
However, right now, I'm still feeling a bit out of sorts. I'm really hoping I didn't get burnt (doesn't feel like it), but I suspect that I've got a touch of heat-stroke. It was SO humid in the river itself, and HOT as hell.
Of course, I'm also so tired, I've done no school work tonight, which is not good either... no lessons planned for tomorrow, no marking done, etc. But as I'm going to gym at 5am tomorrow, I think I need to sleep now. Sleep is more important, right? Let's hope that my sick kids (yup, AGAIN!) don't wake me up and that my loving hubbie doesn't snore too badly.
- Me in the shower, hair and ears full of suds, trying hard not to get it in my eyes.
- Dog #2 trying to melt herself through the shower doors before the thunder eats her alive (or so she thinks)
- Child #1 trying to tell me how scared she is, but having to yell cos I can't hear her.
That was how my day started, more or less.
All told though, it was a relatively good day. I got to spend it outdoors with about 125 Gd 11s in the sun and in a river; some of whom are just too ... snobbish? cool? scared?... to actually get wet or dirty. Oh dear God, help me! I'm going to strangle them.
For many of them, it was the first time they've ever caught tadpoles, or crabs (the invertebrate kind, not the STD kind!)
(Speaking of which, I finally got around to getting an HIV test last week. It's something we actively promote at the school, to help destigmatise it. The nurse didn't realise that I'd never had one before - I was apparently so calm and collected she assumed it must be a regular thing for me. That's me - Miss Cool, Calm and Collected.)
However, right now, I'm still feeling a bit out of sorts. I'm really hoping I didn't get burnt (doesn't feel like it), but I suspect that I've got a touch of heat-stroke. It was SO humid in the river itself, and HOT as hell.
Of course, I'm also so tired, I've done no school work tonight, which is not good either... no lessons planned for tomorrow, no marking done, etc. But as I'm going to gym at 5am tomorrow, I think I need to sleep now. Sleep is more important, right? Let's hope that my sick kids (yup, AGAIN!) don't wake me up and that my loving hubbie doesn't snore too badly.
Monday, January 30, 2012
In the quietness...
I am amazed to look back and see how far God has brought me on my journey of grief and healing. I can see the deep, dark hole I was in, and I can see where I am now - and they are miles apart! Yet, I can still see the long road ahead of me, to get to where I'd like to be with God.
Something that I've really struggled with is spending that one-on-one time with God. In part, that's because I feel I've lost the ability to hear God's quiet voice. In part, it's because I'm scared that I'll sit there, anticipating, and then hear nothing - that it will feel like God's abandoned me yet again. In part, it's that I don't feel I can make the time. In part, it's that I'm just too lazy to apply myself.
This is the area God has been tackling for a while now. I do hear God. I know I hear him - his Spirit has spoken quiet words into my heart, growing a longing in me to read the Word, to hear God speak to me through his Word. But there's always a good reason why I can't put it into practice, or so I thought.
Over the past few weeks, at church, to start off the year, we've been learning about why it's not only important, but also beneficial, to have a regular time with God, reading his Word and praying. Last year, I know that God was preparing my heart to hear this message, and so I've found myself receptive to it. I've found a few things startling though, about what has been said, and the way it has been said.
Firstly, something I've found really helpful is the idea that we don't read the Bible for what WE can get out of it. Rather, we read the Bible to expose our lives to it - to let IT read US.
Secondly, I've been impressed with the lack of side-stepping the issue the preachers have shown. While their messages have been sensitive and inclusive, the clear message is that having a quiet time in the morning, and having one every single morning, is best. There are good reasons for this, which, if you want to know, you can download off the church website (www.commongroundchurch.org.za) (or is it .co.za?).
Usually, preachers are so careful not to offend those who are night owls, who work shifts, who are dyslexic, or whatever, that they don't lay down the law in this way, as it were. Again, although they DID make allowances, it was made abundantly clear that for most of us, failing to read the Bible, or failing to read it first thing in the morning, is simply a cop-out.
Thirdly, I was struck by the fact that if God is first in my life, this is something that should come first too.
Now I am NOT a morning person. I'm a night owl. I can work, very happily until 3am. Ask me to get up before 6am (8am on weekends) and you're going to get your head bitten off. Mornings are also really busy for me - kids to get ready, lunches to make, drop-offs at school, morning meeting at 7.45am.... So I figured that, if this is so important to God, He had better help me find a time to do it in the morning.
And He has. He identified 10 mins in the morning for me when I can just sit and read the Word. It's amazing. I'd never seen it before, but it was there, right in front of me all the time. So now I have a time slot, in the morning, without me having to get up extra early!
Fourthly, I was struck by the idea that if this is going to be important to me, I cannot allow distractions - even good ones (like my kids, or minor emergencies at work), to disturb me. And this is exactly where I fell down. All was going well for the first 5 days, and then there was "just" something I quickly needed to do in that slot. In the blink of an eye, I lost my time-slot as I allowed it to be eaten up by other things.
But it's not all doom and gloom. The next Sunday, the preach was on a useful method to employ during your quiet time with God - VIP. V - choose one verse to memorise. I - what insight can you gain by reflecting on it. P - how will you pray in response to that insight? The idea is that you journal those 3 points every day. I've also found a devotional study for 21 days for Busy Women! So, I'm back on the wagon. A fresh week, a fresh determination to spend that time with God, reading His word. A habit is formed in 48 days... let's see if I can make it through the week and weekend first. Then we'll tackle the following 41 days!
Thank God for 2nd chances! (and 3rd, and 4th, and 5th, and 6th....).
Something that I've really struggled with is spending that one-on-one time with God. In part, that's because I feel I've lost the ability to hear God's quiet voice. In part, it's because I'm scared that I'll sit there, anticipating, and then hear nothing - that it will feel like God's abandoned me yet again. In part, it's that I don't feel I can make the time. In part, it's that I'm just too lazy to apply myself.
This is the area God has been tackling for a while now. I do hear God. I know I hear him - his Spirit has spoken quiet words into my heart, growing a longing in me to read the Word, to hear God speak to me through his Word. But there's always a good reason why I can't put it into practice, or so I thought.
Over the past few weeks, at church, to start off the year, we've been learning about why it's not only important, but also beneficial, to have a regular time with God, reading his Word and praying. Last year, I know that God was preparing my heart to hear this message, and so I've found myself receptive to it. I've found a few things startling though, about what has been said, and the way it has been said.
Firstly, something I've found really helpful is the idea that we don't read the Bible for what WE can get out of it. Rather, we read the Bible to expose our lives to it - to let IT read US.
Secondly, I've been impressed with the lack of side-stepping the issue the preachers have shown. While their messages have been sensitive and inclusive, the clear message is that having a quiet time in the morning, and having one every single morning, is best. There are good reasons for this, which, if you want to know, you can download off the church website (www.commongroundchurch.org.za) (or is it .co.za?).
Usually, preachers are so careful not to offend those who are night owls, who work shifts, who are dyslexic, or whatever, that they don't lay down the law in this way, as it were. Again, although they DID make allowances, it was made abundantly clear that for most of us, failing to read the Bible, or failing to read it first thing in the morning, is simply a cop-out.
Thirdly, I was struck by the fact that if God is first in my life, this is something that should come first too.
Now I am NOT a morning person. I'm a night owl. I can work, very happily until 3am. Ask me to get up before 6am (8am on weekends) and you're going to get your head bitten off. Mornings are also really busy for me - kids to get ready, lunches to make, drop-offs at school, morning meeting at 7.45am.... So I figured that, if this is so important to God, He had better help me find a time to do it in the morning.
And He has. He identified 10 mins in the morning for me when I can just sit and read the Word. It's amazing. I'd never seen it before, but it was there, right in front of me all the time. So now I have a time slot, in the morning, without me having to get up extra early!
Fourthly, I was struck by the idea that if this is going to be important to me, I cannot allow distractions - even good ones (like my kids, or minor emergencies at work), to disturb me. And this is exactly where I fell down. All was going well for the first 5 days, and then there was "just" something I quickly needed to do in that slot. In the blink of an eye, I lost my time-slot as I allowed it to be eaten up by other things.
But it's not all doom and gloom. The next Sunday, the preach was on a useful method to employ during your quiet time with God - VIP. V - choose one verse to memorise. I - what insight can you gain by reflecting on it. P - how will you pray in response to that insight? The idea is that you journal those 3 points every day. I've also found a devotional study for 21 days for Busy Women! So, I'm back on the wagon. A fresh week, a fresh determination to spend that time with God, reading His word. A habit is formed in 48 days... let's see if I can make it through the week and weekend first. Then we'll tackle the following 41 days!
Thank God for 2nd chances! (and 3rd, and 4th, and 5th, and 6th....).
Candle burning at both ends
I'm not going to apologise (much) for leaving you all high and dry over the holidays... I was just TOO BUSY to blog, which tells you something. I'm not going to try to catch you up either. Sorry. There's just too much water under the bridge for that, suffice to give you one or two headlines.
When I'm tempted to complain about the tiredness though, and the busyness, I just remember that the extra work I did last year has paid for #1's school fees in full for this year, and when the rest is paid into my account (hopefully at the end of Feb), it will also pay in full for #2's fees. That will take a significant financial pressure off us this year. Although it was hard work, and took me away from my family a lot at the end of the year, I think it was worth it.
So - forward ho, into 2012 we go! I'm not counting weeks or days yet, but I am really looking forward to Easter. I'm looking forward to having some time off (read: away!) with the family, our 14th anniversary celebratory get-away, and hopefully getting some rest!
- There are black scorpions in Sedgefield. One crawled on me. Two others came home with us in the car.
- I backed my car into a wall (no - I wasn't looking!) That wasn't the problem - the repair company was. Even now, nearly a month later, my blood starts to boil when I think about it. Let's not go there.
- #1 has started school! WOW! Grade 1!
- #2 has started a new nursery school around the corner. (Nice and convenient!)
- #2 has also been given a new diet to help cure his eczema that includes: no dairy, no wheat, no sugar, no aspartame (artificial sweetner), no yeast, no honey, no peanuts, no preservatives, no colourants, and all fruit must be peeled (e.g. no apple skins). He is also not allowed any contact with soaps or detergents. Hmmm. Ja. Ok then.
- Hubbie has started a new job (internal promotion), with all that entails, while continuing with his original job because he hasn't been replaced yet. Hmmm. Ja. Ok then. (And then the servers failed as well - still no email, nearly a week later!) Talk about STRESS!!!!!
When I'm tempted to complain about the tiredness though, and the busyness, I just remember that the extra work I did last year has paid for #1's school fees in full for this year, and when the rest is paid into my account (hopefully at the end of Feb), it will also pay in full for #2's fees. That will take a significant financial pressure off us this year. Although it was hard work, and took me away from my family a lot at the end of the year, I think it was worth it.
So - forward ho, into 2012 we go! I'm not counting weeks or days yet, but I am really looking forward to Easter. I'm looking forward to having some time off (read: away!) with the family, our 14th anniversary celebratory get-away, and hopefully getting some rest!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Go long! Go long!
Recently, a colleague at work told me something, and I was convinced he was just pulling my leg. Determined not to be gullible, and fall for it, I refused to believe him. Last night though, I discovered he was, in fact, telling the truth.
Kids - you can definitely try this one at home!
Stand as far away from your car as you can, in a straight line (or in line of sight), so that you are at the limit of the distance over which your car remote will work. Check that it works. Now take 2 steps backwards, away from your car. Check that your remote no longer works. Take another 15 (approx) steps backwards. Check your remote again - it definitely should not work.
Now open your mouth wide, point your remote inside your mouth (aim for your hard palate), and press it, and see what happens.
It's like.... WOW!
Science at work in everyday life is SOOOOO cool.
I'm still not sure why it happens. My DH has a theory, but I'm not sufficiently physics minded to judge if he's right or not, so I still need to go and do a bit of my own research.
You go and try this, while I go do my research, and we'll meet back here in... oh... say 2 weeks time? or maybe 3... with Christmas around the corner I may need some extra time.
Have fun entertaining the kids!
Kids - you can definitely try this one at home!
Stand as far away from your car as you can, in a straight line (or in line of sight), so that you are at the limit of the distance over which your car remote will work. Check that it works. Now take 2 steps backwards, away from your car. Check that your remote no longer works. Take another 15 (approx) steps backwards. Check your remote again - it definitely should not work.
Now open your mouth wide, point your remote inside your mouth (aim for your hard palate), and press it, and see what happens.
It's like.... WOW!
Science at work in everyday life is SOOOOO cool.
I'm still not sure why it happens. My DH has a theory, but I'm not sufficiently physics minded to judge if he's right or not, so I still need to go and do a bit of my own research.
You go and try this, while I go do my research, and we'll meet back here in... oh... say 2 weeks time? or maybe 3... with Christmas around the corner I may need some extra time.
Have fun entertaining the kids!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Words show meaning
When someone dies, how do you refer to it? Do you say the bereaved "lost" their family member, or do you say that the deceased has 'gone to heaven' or has 'died'?
This morning I learnt that the wife of one of our elders died last night. She'd had cancer. In thinking about it, I realised that I wasn't sure how to discuss it. My initial reaction was to say that her husband and kids had "lost" her. Then, thinking about her faith and peace and trust in God, I thought that maybe I ought to say that she had "gone home".
The way you naturally discuss it says a lot, I think, about your perspective on death, on life. Something I've been thinking about a lot recently is trying to keep my eyes on God, not my circumstances, so that my trust is in him, not in my circumstances. I'm hoping that by practicing this now, when the tough times hit us again (as they inevitably will) it'll be such a habit that I won't waver in my trust.
It struck me, while thinking about our elder and his 4 small kids, that my concern was for them. If all I look at is them, then I start to question why God would allow such a wonderful woman and mother to die so young.
Yet, her own faith is a witness to me, because she had absolute peace and faith, right up until the end. As a mother, I'm not sure how she did it. If I knew I was dying, with my young kids, I would be angry and panicked - after all, my kids need me; they need to grow up with their mother's love surrounding them. So the fact that she had peace tells me that she was leaving her kids in God's care, that she trusted him to provide for them, to uphold them and that she believed her death would not (ultimately) have a negative impact on their lives. That's faith.
If she could have that kind of faith, then how can I, as an outsider to the situation, question what God's motives are in allowing this to happen? Surely I should follow her lead, and trust that God is good, all the time?
Which brings me back to my original question - how do I, how do you, how do we discuss the death of a loved one?
I met someone recently who had known my uncle. When he saw my surname, he asked if I was related, and I replied in the affirmative. I went on to say that my uncle IS a wonderful man (nearly a year after his tragic death), before I corrected myself to say he WAS. Then I almost corrected myself again, because I know that my uncle IS still alive, in heaven, waiting for the rest of us.
This morning I learnt that the wife of one of our elders died last night. She'd had cancer. In thinking about it, I realised that I wasn't sure how to discuss it. My initial reaction was to say that her husband and kids had "lost" her. Then, thinking about her faith and peace and trust in God, I thought that maybe I ought to say that she had "gone home".
The way you naturally discuss it says a lot, I think, about your perspective on death, on life. Something I've been thinking about a lot recently is trying to keep my eyes on God, not my circumstances, so that my trust is in him, not in my circumstances. I'm hoping that by practicing this now, when the tough times hit us again (as they inevitably will) it'll be such a habit that I won't waver in my trust.
It struck me, while thinking about our elder and his 4 small kids, that my concern was for them. If all I look at is them, then I start to question why God would allow such a wonderful woman and mother to die so young.
Yet, her own faith is a witness to me, because she had absolute peace and faith, right up until the end. As a mother, I'm not sure how she did it. If I knew I was dying, with my young kids, I would be angry and panicked - after all, my kids need me; they need to grow up with their mother's love surrounding them. So the fact that she had peace tells me that she was leaving her kids in God's care, that she trusted him to provide for them, to uphold them and that she believed her death would not (ultimately) have a negative impact on their lives. That's faith.
If she could have that kind of faith, then how can I, as an outsider to the situation, question what God's motives are in allowing this to happen? Surely I should follow her lead, and trust that God is good, all the time?
Which brings me back to my original question - how do I, how do you, how do we discuss the death of a loved one?
I met someone recently who had known my uncle. When he saw my surname, he asked if I was related, and I replied in the affirmative. I went on to say that my uncle IS a wonderful man (nearly a year after his tragic death), before I corrected myself to say he WAS. Then I almost corrected myself again, because I know that my uncle IS still alive, in heaven, waiting for the rest of us.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Blessings
Over the past few weeks I've been counting my blessings. Partly it's been brought about by some work we've been doing with our Born Sleeping contacts (heartbreaking stuff!) and partly because I've been working all the hours God gives and Graeme has picked up the flak and partly because I've just been looking more.
I've been struck by how amazing my kids are. Nathan is tenacious, to say the least. When he's getting enough sleep (!!) he is just so cute he's edible - polite, sweet, adorable, affable, funny, cheerful, loving. (When he's not, he's a nightmare who will scream and kick and throw a DIVA fit for longer than my patience lasts.) Janel is a genuine fairy princess. She's just so beautiful - even with her scruffy, fuzzywuzzy hair, tomboy scruffy appearance, and filthy feet and hands. Her personality is beautiful too - she's such a loving, caring, helpful, concerned BIG girl.
Maybe I'm just more aware of their awesomeness because I've been thinking a lot about Zoe recently. I'm conscious that I need to celebrate them while I have them.
I had a very interesting conversation with Janel the other night, about Zoe. She burst into tears because she was missing Zoe, and that prompted a long conversation about why God allowed Zoe to die. I was amazed by her questions - why God allowed her to die, why He wouldn't tell us the reason now (why we'd have to wait till we got to heaven to know the truth), why Janel and Nathan didn't die at birth, what their names all mean (Janel - God is gracious, Zoe - life, Nathan - gift of God).
While I was pleased to have the conversation with her, it broke my heart to see how much she misses her sister, how much she longs for her, and be unable to fill that hole in her. I know how it feels to grieve someone for whom you have no real memories, yet someone with whom you have a close bond. It makes grieving harder in many respects.
At least she doesn't have to deal with the adult mentality that because there are no memories, she shouldn't feel anything. It felt good to be able to tell her that it was okay to long for her sister, to be sad that Zoe's not here, to cry. It felt good to be able to speak that truth into her heart and hold her while she cried. But at the same time, it broke my heart. I don't like seeing my baby going through that kind of pain. As her mother, I'm supposed to be able to protect her from everything. (I know, I can't, but I feel like I should be able to.)
In the conversation, I was also able to explain to her why Nathan is such a special boy - that he wouldn't be here if Zoe had lived, because we wouldn't have had another child. I pointed out to her that Nathan really is a gift from God, because she nearly died, and Zoe did die, and Nathan wouldn't have been here if it weren't for Zoe's death. Maybe I'm just reading stuff into something that isn't actually there, but since then, I've seen her make more of an effort to play lovingly with him.
The other blessing in my life, that I've counted daily, is Graeme. I honestly don't know how I wound up with such an amazing man. I know that I don't deserve him - he's the most incredible man I know. I can't even begin to count the ways in which he is a blessing in my life. And I feel just awful that I don't treat him accordingly. I could say I'm too busy, but the truth is I'm just to self-absorbed. As I said, I really don't deserve him.
Like today... A few days ago we bought new bikes. Last night we started trying to adjust them to be able to use them, and I couldn't do what needed to be done - a combination of the wrong tools and lack of physical strength. He had an initial look at it, and couldn't fix it either (lack of know-how and wrong tools). When something I really want doesn't materialise, I get incredibly disappointed. The way my disappointment manifests is that I become very tired, very low and very cross with the world.
Rather than trying to change my mood, or getting cross with me for throwing an adult-style tantrum (and withdrawing entirely from the family), he calmly popped the kids in the bath, did a quick Google search, then picked up the tools, tried again and fixed what I couldn't. He did it because he knew it was something important to me. He did it because he loves me. He did it because he knew that it was the quickest way to help me feel better. What a hero!
So, this Christmas, I am counting my blessings, the ones closest to me. God is good!
I've been struck by how amazing my kids are. Nathan is tenacious, to say the least. When he's getting enough sleep (!!) he is just so cute he's edible - polite, sweet, adorable, affable, funny, cheerful, loving. (When he's not, he's a nightmare who will scream and kick and throw a DIVA fit for longer than my patience lasts.) Janel is a genuine fairy princess. She's just so beautiful - even with her scruffy, fuzzywuzzy hair, tomboy scruffy appearance, and filthy feet and hands. Her personality is beautiful too - she's such a loving, caring, helpful, concerned BIG girl.
Maybe I'm just more aware of their awesomeness because I've been thinking a lot about Zoe recently. I'm conscious that I need to celebrate them while I have them.
I had a very interesting conversation with Janel the other night, about Zoe. She burst into tears because she was missing Zoe, and that prompted a long conversation about why God allowed Zoe to die. I was amazed by her questions - why God allowed her to die, why He wouldn't tell us the reason now (why we'd have to wait till we got to heaven to know the truth), why Janel and Nathan didn't die at birth, what their names all mean (Janel - God is gracious, Zoe - life, Nathan - gift of God).
While I was pleased to have the conversation with her, it broke my heart to see how much she misses her sister, how much she longs for her, and be unable to fill that hole in her. I know how it feels to grieve someone for whom you have no real memories, yet someone with whom you have a close bond. It makes grieving harder in many respects.
At least she doesn't have to deal with the adult mentality that because there are no memories, she shouldn't feel anything. It felt good to be able to tell her that it was okay to long for her sister, to be sad that Zoe's not here, to cry. It felt good to be able to speak that truth into her heart and hold her while she cried. But at the same time, it broke my heart. I don't like seeing my baby going through that kind of pain. As her mother, I'm supposed to be able to protect her from everything. (I know, I can't, but I feel like I should be able to.)
In the conversation, I was also able to explain to her why Nathan is such a special boy - that he wouldn't be here if Zoe had lived, because we wouldn't have had another child. I pointed out to her that Nathan really is a gift from God, because she nearly died, and Zoe did die, and Nathan wouldn't have been here if it weren't for Zoe's death. Maybe I'm just reading stuff into something that isn't actually there, but since then, I've seen her make more of an effort to play lovingly with him.
The other blessing in my life, that I've counted daily, is Graeme. I honestly don't know how I wound up with such an amazing man. I know that I don't deserve him - he's the most incredible man I know. I can't even begin to count the ways in which he is a blessing in my life. And I feel just awful that I don't treat him accordingly. I could say I'm too busy, but the truth is I'm just to self-absorbed. As I said, I really don't deserve him.
Like today... A few days ago we bought new bikes. Last night we started trying to adjust them to be able to use them, and I couldn't do what needed to be done - a combination of the wrong tools and lack of physical strength. He had an initial look at it, and couldn't fix it either (lack of know-how and wrong tools). When something I really want doesn't materialise, I get incredibly disappointed. The way my disappointment manifests is that I become very tired, very low and very cross with the world.
Rather than trying to change my mood, or getting cross with me for throwing an adult-style tantrum (and withdrawing entirely from the family), he calmly popped the kids in the bath, did a quick Google search, then picked up the tools, tried again and fixed what I couldn't. He did it because he knew it was something important to me. He did it because he loves me. He did it because he knew that it was the quickest way to help me feel better. What a hero!
So, this Christmas, I am counting my blessings, the ones closest to me. God is good!
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