Scary moment

We decided to make the most of the sunshine today and took the kids to the Common. We were playing on and around the fallen trees, when an old school friend & his wife showed up. We were standing chatting when Nathan suddenly started screaming. I turned around to see him fallen over, and blood pouring off his face - far more blood than I've seen in a while. In that instant, my heart stopped. There's nothing like seeing your child injured like that.

But then, reason reasserted itself. If he's screaming, he's going to be fine. It's the silent ones that are seriously injured. Also, the face/head area always bleeds far more than the injury seems to warrant, so however much blood there appeared to be, the injury probably wouldn't be that serious.

Running over, I realised that he'd tripped and fallen, but because he was holding a stick in his hand, he had gouged himself with the stick. Thank God, it didn't go into his eye! (Could you imagine if that happened?) At first, I couldn't see what the damage was, because there was so much blood and I didn't have anything to staunch the flow with. Fortunately though, the friend's wife is a doctor. She took a quick look, and assured us that it wasn't too serious.

We headed back to the car and cleaned him up a bit, to discover that he has a rather large chunk missing from his lip. I'm sure will leave a permanent scar. Poor baby - he's going to struggle to eat and drink for a while, but he'll live.

The mother breathes a sigh of relief. The child takes a massive dose of painkillers with his bottle. Here's hoping we BOTH sleep better tonight.

Occasionally, just occasionally, something nice happens without requiring that you actually DO anything to earn it... which is nice! I've won a blog award!!! Yes - ME!! Woo hoo!

This award was given to me by Caz. She's a friend I've met through Born Sleeping, but I got to know her better through Twitter. (See - Twitter DOES have uses other than telling people what you ate for breakfast!)

There are some rules that go with it:

1) I have to choose five other people who deserve it and pass the awards along

2) Regale you all with seven random facts about me
3) Let the people that you give the awards to know
4) Thank the person who gave you the award

Ok, so here goes... 1) Five others, eh?

Our Sonshine - this blog is the story of a school friend whose first baby was born with Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome. The story of her struggles to process the lows and the joys of the highs helps to keep me centered as a person.

When the flames go up - this blog is jointly written by divorcees LOD and Moxie, a`bout their experiences of co-parenting following their divorce. It takes a special sort of person to be as open as they are, through the pain of their divorce, and reading their blog reminds me that when life is tough, really tough, I still have a choice about how I choose to live.

Slight cheat on this one... it's not strictly a blog, but I love Sarah Britten's columns for Thought Leader. While I don't always agree with her point of view, I find her writing insightful and thought-provoking, plus she's slightly sarcastic, which I always enjoy.

Bee is another school friend. She's working in Bosnia as a YWAM missionary. While I lived overseas for nearly 8 years, I missed home ALL the time and could never imagine making a foreing country my permanent home. Bee has done that, happily, willingly, because it's what God has called her to. I love her courage to live by her convictions, and the example that she is to me.

Bron is a varsity friend, and another one who has moved her life overseas. What I love about her blog is her honesty - WYSIWYG. When things are good, she blogs the celebrations. When things are rubbish, she blogs the struggle with honesty. What an inspiration to me!

OK - moving on to #2 - 7 random facts about me:

1) I like salted peanuts on vanilla ice-cream.

2) I am happier in jeans than any other type of trousers/ pants - I would rather wear jeans than anything else. (In fact, I hate ordinary trousers. I only wear them because I'm not allowed to wear denim or tracksuits to work, and skirts with stockings are just too darn cold in winter.)

3) I have a blood disorder - APS - that means I feel the cold MUCH more than others, and struggle to exercise, because my blood doesn't pump fast enough (it's "sticky").

4) I saw 25 lengths in the pool this past weekend - I swam lengths for the first time in YEARS.

5) I walked the dogs in the rain today - and hated it.

6) I love medical dramas - ER, House, Grey's...

7) I went to watch a dance performance at the Baxter this past week - also for the first time in YEARS.

And moving on to #3... that's done.

So on to #4. Caz - thank you. I really do appreciate the acknowledgement. There aren't many people who read my blog regularly (not like Tertia's blog... LOL!) so I appreciate each and every person who takes the time to read my ramblings. You're a special person, but you know that already. Big hugs!!

Who do you depend on?

About 2 weeks ago G went for major surgery on his stomach - hiatus hernia. That meant that I was single parenting for a while, first while he was in hospital, and later while he was recuperating at his folks' place. In the midst of all that, Nate got violently ill (vom-di in the wee, small hours, and then right through the day...), Priscilla (our nanny) fell & hurt herself so badly she was booked off for a week, I was finalising Nathan's party and present, and trying to organise a present for my dad's birthday too (which is next week).

I know that single parents cope simply because they have to, and they don't have a choice. Those single parents who have more than one small child though - goodness gracious, I hope they have help! I coped: I didn't kill the kids, I kept them in clean clothes, I kept them fed and bathed, and I managed to keep the dogs fed too. However, the kids & dogs didn't cope so well. The change in routine upset them terribly. As a result, there was acting out at all levels and at all times.

The experience taught me that, God forbid anything should happen to G, I could cope on my own, but only if I still had a good support structure. What it also reminded me is just how much I depend on G - which is as it should be. We're a team, designed to work together, which we do. But it was nice to be reminded about just how much our lives are interwoven and how much I rely on him.

It also reminded/ taught me just how important it is for kids to have two parents. They need both of us, for different reasons.

Of course, now that G is back, the kids are acting up again, but this time because they both want his undivided attention. LOL! You can't win, can you?

I'm so glad that G is in my life. I'm so grateful to have such an amazing man to rely on. I love him for the incredible person he is, but I love him just as much for the fact that he's such a fabulous husband and father. I'm a really blessed lady!

Birthday boy

The birthday boy's comment on his cake & being sung to? WOW!

What a weekend he has had! Presents galore, and TWO parties! (Yup, he also went to the party of his almost-twin who was born 2 weeks after him.) Needless to say, he's been wired all weekend, and on a serious sugar high, but it's been so good to see him happy after the misery we've had the past week or so. (Ugh, let's not go there...)

In addition to some of the wonderful presents he received, he also got a new tooth! What a lucky boy. Good thing the tooth fairy doesn't have to pay for new teeth, just old ones!

What a weekend!

Wow. What a weekend! Starting on Thursday evening I spent 2.5 days at a conference that billed itself as 'high tech on a low tech budget'. Yup - I spent a lot of time with some teachers who are crazy about using IT in their classrooms. It was... invigorating, stimulating, incredible, amazing, fabulous, exciting... and utterly, utterly exhausting!

I got to network with some folks, which was nice, and learn lots of new stuff, which was brain-numbingly overwhelming (in a very good way!), but the best bit was being able to do work 'stuff' with my wonderful husband by my side. You know you've married the right man when you spend your date nights talking about how to create a self-marking test via cell phone that an ordinary teacher could use!!

It was slightly spoilt by the argument we had on the way home about - of all things - our debt. Sigh. (We did resolve it and manage to discuss things as calm, adults, but it took me a while to get there. This being an adult thing is tough.)

Today was another busy day - G was doing sound at church so I was looking after kids this morning, then shopping, then off to a family tea. But - in the midst of all the busy-ness (did I mention that we're doing renovations again??? Nearly done, nearly done.) God showed up.

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the calling on my life (or lack thereof). Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I believed that God had called me to be something particular. I've thought this, and been dreaming about it since I was about 9 or 10 years of age.

Then, after a period of self-examination and cross-examination while we were living in London, it turns out that it wasn't going to happen. Maybe it was the timing (the 'not yet'), the location (the 'not here') or the organisation (the 'not with these people'). Maybe it was that I needed to do some growing up. Maybe it was that if it HAD happened Zoe would not (or Janel, or Nathan). Or. Maybe I (and several other people I trusted) heard God entirely wrong.

Being me, I've always assumed it was the last one. I got it wrong. I must have. Because why would God lead me down the garden path (as it were) only to suddenly let me fall off the cliff into the abyss like that? Nope, must have been me.

Since then I've been trying to shelve the idea. I've been pretty successful. I've had incredible kids and immersed myself in my family, my job and in dealing with losing Zoe. But the last few weeks.... I just couldn't get this idea out of my head - every time I stepped into church, or whatever, I would start thinking about it again. What if...?? What if it wasn't that I heard God wrong? What if it was something else - like location and timing and a need to grow up a bit? Or what if it was to enable me to have Zoe? What if God's still got the same plan for my life?

As I've been thinking it through, all the familiar excuses have been playing through my mind: I have no time to do this... I'm not eligible to do this because who am I to do this? My relationship with God isn't what it should be - hasn't been for the longest time. How dare I step into this if I have nothing to give, if I can't model how a Christian should be living and relating to God? And because of my circumstances (small kids and a busy job) I don't have the relationships in my church community to make it happen. And I don't see any of that about to change....

And then.

Isn't it funny how God is the god of 'And Then' moments?

And then. In his still small voice, I heard the whisper... What if I'm bigger than all that and I can work through you DESPITE all of that? Don't you think my grace is enough for that?

Well, how does one compete with that?

So I took a leap of faith. I've decided to just trust God. I feel insane to do this. After everything I've been through - to just let go and trust him like this. It feels insane. It feels... well, I guess faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding onto, right?

Anyway, I decided to trust God and leave this in his hands. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's what he wants me to be doing, then he will make it happen - I just have to be willing to let it happen, willing to trust him.

Where to now? Well, I've chatted to a few people. I've started the conversation again. We'll see what happens. It's in God's hands now. What a weekend!

Mother's Day

I know it's after the fact, but I wanted to record something of what took place yesterday, because it felt like such a significant day.

Between the rush of church and family gatherings, I scarcely had time to think about some things that cropped up for me.

Just recently I've found myself thinking a lot about Zoe. Mother's Day obviously brought her to mind in a big way, but I've caught myself looking at her photo a lot in the past few weeks, and talking to her again. I haven't done that in a long while.

Did I tell you about the painting I saw at Kirstenbosch recently? There's a permanent art display near the nursery up at the top gate, with rotating art by local artists. G and I decided to go and see it while we were there recently. While there, I saw a lovely little painting of 3 blonde kids playing in the surf: two girls with a little boy. Their ages looked correct for Janel, Zoe and Nathan as they would be at the moment. It's a fairly simple painting, but it captured my heart. Maybe that's why she's been in my thoughts so much of late... I've promised myself that if we have enough money left over after our current renovations & G's op & a few other essentials, that I'll go back to see whether it's still there, and if it is, I'll buy it.

But getting back to Mother's Day. The sermon on Sunday morning was on.. wait for it... "Is God in control?". I know, not the sort of topic you would expect for Mother's day, but there you go. Given the place my heart is in right now, it was a timeous topic. This is one of the things I have always struggled with since Zoe's death. Why didn't God save her? Was it because he wasn't able to, didn't care enough to, or was there some other reason? I've come to accept that it's the 3rd - that there was another reason for her death. However, this sermon really helped me to firm up that foundation, to remind me of how I can know that God IS always in control, and that he continues to care, but that his purposes & plans are bigger than me and my little life. It was one of the best sermons I've heard in a long time - and I wound up in tears. (Now doesn't that sound familiar????) I'd recommend you listen to it. (Click this link to download it from the church's website.)

Then, my mom and I had such a fabulous talk - HOURS long - about all sorts of things, both trivial and meaningful. We haven't had an opportunity to talk like that in a very, very long time. I've missed it. It was so awesome to connect with her again.

All this following on from pancakes in bed for breakfast (my man is the BEST!) and special pictures from my kids made this Mother's Day a special one to remember.

Cuteness is edible

I am loving the current stage that Nathan is at. Not a day goes by that he doesn't do something that makes me want to eat him up, or cry, because he's just being so gorgeous and cute.

Like the other day...

We're sitting in the car and he's playing with the courtesy light above his chair. "Lil-ight, lil-ight" (little light, little light) he cries, very excited that he's now big enough to be able to reach up and switch it on while he's buckled up. Mother tolerantly plays along for a while.

"Yes my love, that's right - little light!"

After the 100th time though, being exuberant about the same thing is getting a little stale though, so Mother reaches back and switches the light off. "That's enough now, Nathan."

"NO, Mommy! (sucks teeth) AGGGGGGGG!" And Nathan promptly switched it back on.

Well, I tell you, I nearly wet myself. He was just so adorable I couldn't help but play along for a further 100x.

Or on Sunday, when Nellie and I were singing the 2nd verse of 'Twinkle, Twinkle'.

(Did you know there's a 2nd verse? Isn't it amazing the things you learn when your kid goes to pre-primary school? Of course, don't ask me to repeat it - I can't remember it now!)

At one point, there was a natural break in our singing, and suddenly, from the back seat, just as I'm reversing out of the driveway, I hear "ikle, ikle, lil aar...". I was so excited I nearly crashed the car!

Since then, he has frequently asked for us to sing it, and also "Spiderman" (he has Spiderman slippers). One minute, he has shown absolutely NO interest in singing, and the next, he can't get enough of it.

And he's started saying Xhosa words. Finally! (or A word at least....) He understands it perfectly (or as well as he understands English), but till now has shown no inclination to speak it. I knew he'd get there eventually, but it's nice that we've reached that point. (Now I have to start learning too... if he's going to start speaking it then I need to know what he's saying.)

And I just LOVE seeing how much joy and satisfaction he gets from being able to do new things, or say new words. He genuinely relishes his own development, and I take joy in his joy.