Friday, October 26, 2007

I didn't think of that!

We went for grief counselling this afternoon, which was good. It was good to be able to talk about Zoe without worrying about the person we were telling falling apart or not knowing how to respond. I've really missed having that kind of freedom...

But equally important was something our counsellor said, which is something that I just hadn't realised. We're grieving in a vacuum. In London, our friends and community all knew about Zoe in a personal way - they'd seen my bump growing, they'd prayed for her and walked the road with us through all the little problems along the way. They were at her funeral. But here at home, no-one has done any of that. They never saw me pregnant. They never connected with Zoe in any way. So for them, there is no-one and nothing to grieve, not really. So Graeme and I are in a vacuum.

I'd never seen it like that, but she's absolutely right of course. That explains why I've felt a need to clam up and grieve in private rather than in public (although this blog is one public space in which I feel free to grieve). No-one 'out there' can grieve with me, whereas back in London, all our friends were grieving with us to some extent.

Anyway, tonight we're going to do something for us - we've invited friends over for home-made pizza. So I need to get going to make dough...
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