Remember how, when you were little, older relatives (notice I didn't say 'old'? Sure, they seemed old to you then, but you're probably their age now and don't feel old - I know I don't - so I thought I'd be generous.) were forever commenting on how fast you were growing? The awful ones would always grab your cheeks, or pat you on the head. When you have kids around you, not necessarily your own, you begin to understand why. They really DO grow up fast.
Take Nellie. (Not literally. I will have to bring out the double barrel shotgun if you do.) Only 5 weeks ago she got a pedal-less bicycle (also known as a run bike or balance bike). In part this was a diversion from Nathan's homecoming. In part it was something we'd been planning to get her for ages to help her gross motor development (which is lacking... more on that some other time). 6 weeks ago she was only able to walk a few paces with it before falling over. Today, she amazed me with her improved balance.
"Mommy, look at meeee!' she called. I looked up. Racing away from me, down the road, Nellie was at first pushing her bike with alternate feet, then with both feet together, and then suddenly, she had both feet off the ground and was coasting down the road. She managed to keep her balance for several long seconds before the road came to an end in a neighbour's driveway and she had to turn back. Amazingly, she navigated the turn without stopping (although she did put her feet down again) and without falling off her bike and splitting her lip (as happened a few weeks back).
She's gone from being awkward on this big girls' bike and preferring her old black bike, to being completely confident and having lost interest in all her old bikes. Who could blame her? This bike is far more exciting! She feels like a big girl, not a little baby. She can go as fast as she can push herself and feel like she's flying, instead of being tied to the ground on her bulky black bike. Plus it has very cool pink handle bar grips! (Every little girl dreams about having pink handle bar grips.)
I can't begin to explain how proud I was of her in that moment. It didn't even occur to me then that she's passed another milestone. It never occurred to me then that this is just one more step on the road to independence. I was just so proud of her achieving something she'd found impossible only 5 weeks ago.
Of course, now, reflecting on it, it strikes me that the more independent she becomes, the further she will slip from me. That's the way it's meant to be - the purpose of parenting is to make yourself redundant. Yet I know instinctively that I will suffer horribly from empty nest syndrome. While I will cherish the time to do my own thing - read books, garden, walk, whatever - I know that when I get there, I would gladly give it all up to have my baby girl back again.
So instead, I'm going to work really, really hard at enjoying every moment like the one we shared today. Feel free to keep reminding about this. Right now I have the memory of a sieve.
Now, what was I doing a moment ago?
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
When is stealing not stealing?
When you're just taking something because you don't have the money to pay for it.
Yup.
At least, that's the reasoning of some folk in the Western Cape. They don't have money to pay for food, so they went to Pick 'n Pay and just took it. After all, they argue, the government should institute a policy of giving R1500 to every single unemployed person so they could have enough money to feed their families. And since they don't, well, these folk will take the law into their own hands and just take what they need. It's not stealing though.
Of course, I'm not sure I could tell the difference between stealing and taking stuff that doesn't belong to you because you don't have the money to pay for it.
It's a bit like Julius Malema's comment that "sleeping around" is not having sex, or maybe it is, but he's not telling us what it means.
While I think this country has tons of potential, and while I believe that the majority of people (in the Western Cape - I can't vouch for the rest of the country given the overwhelming support Malema seems to enjoy) are reasonable, rational, logical human beings, it's events like this that make me wonder where we're heading as a country.
When I taught in the UK I learnt that many adults NEVER develop logical, rational thought. They simply are incapable of formal concrete thinking. While in SA I had never come across this phenomenon because of the sheltered existence I led. In the UK, however, one is not protected in the same way unless one's parents and family are royalty or stinking rich multimillionaires.
On my return to SA, I couldn't believe some of the things happening. I mean, surely anyone with half a brain would refuse to listen to the Julius Malemas of the world? Surely they could see his ignorance and bluster and realise that he's not fit to be anyone's leader? It's like a re-run of Mbeki's "AIDS isn't caused by HIV" statements.
Apparently though, the reason that idiots get into power is because there are hundreds of other idiots who are even more idiotic than them. Like the twits who stole food from Pick 'n Pay today (or was it yesterday? my brain is so fuzzy from tiredness I've lost track of the days...). Anyone who reasons that today isn't actually the 23rd July, but is the 23rd July instead, needs their head read.
So folks - if you want that flat screen TV, or that DVD-r, or Wii, or whatever, and you don't have the money to pay for it, well, that's fine. Just walk into your friendly electronics store and take it. After all, you're not stealing it; you're just taking it because you don't have the money to pay for it.
Yup.
At least, that's the reasoning of some folk in the Western Cape. They don't have money to pay for food, so they went to Pick 'n Pay and just took it. After all, they argue, the government should institute a policy of giving R1500 to every single unemployed person so they could have enough money to feed their families. And since they don't, well, these folk will take the law into their own hands and just take what they need. It's not stealing though.
Of course, I'm not sure I could tell the difference between stealing and taking stuff that doesn't belong to you because you don't have the money to pay for it.
It's a bit like Julius Malema's comment that "sleeping around" is not having sex, or maybe it is, but he's not telling us what it means.
While I think this country has tons of potential, and while I believe that the majority of people (in the Western Cape - I can't vouch for the rest of the country given the overwhelming support Malema seems to enjoy) are reasonable, rational, logical human beings, it's events like this that make me wonder where we're heading as a country.
When I taught in the UK I learnt that many adults NEVER develop logical, rational thought. They simply are incapable of formal concrete thinking. While in SA I had never come across this phenomenon because of the sheltered existence I led. In the UK, however, one is not protected in the same way unless one's parents and family are royalty or stinking rich multimillionaires.
On my return to SA, I couldn't believe some of the things happening. I mean, surely anyone with half a brain would refuse to listen to the Julius Malemas of the world? Surely they could see his ignorance and bluster and realise that he's not fit to be anyone's leader? It's like a re-run of Mbeki's "AIDS isn't caused by HIV" statements.
Apparently though, the reason that idiots get into power is because there are hundreds of other idiots who are even more idiotic than them. Like the twits who stole food from Pick 'n Pay today (or was it yesterday? my brain is so fuzzy from tiredness I've lost track of the days...). Anyone who reasons that today isn't actually the 23rd July, but is the 23rd July instead, needs their head read.
So folks - if you want that flat screen TV, or that DVD-r, or Wii, or whatever, and you don't have the money to pay for it, well, that's fine. Just walk into your friendly electronics store and take it. After all, you're not stealing it; you're just taking it because you don't have the money to pay for it.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Joy and tears
I knew he was big, large even, but when presented with the evidence of his actual size, I must say I was shocked. Shocked, and pleased. That's my boy, I thought!
Yes, despite all his reflux issues, he's grow 2cm in length already, and he's now 5.1kg. That puts him on the 75th percentile, more or less. What a big boy!!
With every joy though, comes a hurt. Several months back now, a friend blogged about something she realised with her little boy when he reached about 6 months (I think it was around then). He has Rubinstein-Taybi, which is a rare genetic disorder. The upshot of that is that his development is greatly delayed. In some cases, he may never develop properly. Anyway, at around 6 months (or was it 4?) he suddenly started doing what most newborns do around 6 weeks. She blogged about how she suddenly realised why she'd been feeling so depressed and disconnected from her son. She realised that smiling, making eye contact and cooing facilitate the bonding process. If your baby smiles at you, you can't but help smile back and your love for them grows. When they don't connect with you in any way, it's very difficult to continue to feel love for them.
While chatting to our paediatrician today, it struck me that Nathan hasn't yet smiled, or cooed. I know it's early days, and this means nothing in the greater scheme of things, yet it upset me. I realised that I've often thought (and sometimes commented) on my friends' photos of their babies how happy they seem, how sweet their smile is, etc. Their babies are around the same age as Nathan. My poor boy is either asleep, feeding, or crying. He never just lies and looks around at his environment. He has yet to smile at me (or anyone else). He has yet to start making any sound other than a cry. This depresses me. It also makes me realise how difficult it is caring for someone who can't respond in a positive way. I've only been at this for 6 weeks. I can't imagine how Matt's mom coped for all those months. I guess you do because you have to, but that doesn't make it any easier. I can't wait to see Nate's face light up with joy, or pleasure of any sort. It makes me so sad that thus far his waking life has only been filled with pain.
But this too shall pass. He will recover. He will know happiness and joy. He will smile and laugh and giggle. I just hope and pray that this very painful start to life doesn't mean he will be a more serious child, less prone to laughing. I want him to be a happy-go-lucky kind of child, but I fear that isn't going to be the case.
(And of course, because I'm who I am, and because I'm his mother, I feel guilty as if this is all my fault, because really, I feel like it is. I feel that if I were someone who laughed more easily he would be too, that we could have avoided all this reflux and colic... and yes, subconsciously there is a part of me that believes all his issues are a direct result of the stress I was under while I was pregnant with him and during labour.)
A friend suggested I take him to a chiropractor. The paed has asked that I wait a week, to see whether the medication will help, or to what extent the medication will help. I don't know what to do - I just want my little boy to be pain free, to be able to sleep without disturbance, to be able to have the energy to interact with me or Graeme or Nellie and with his environment, to be free to grow into all that he can be.
Yes, despite all his reflux issues, he's grow 2cm in length already, and he's now 5.1kg. That puts him on the 75th percentile, more or less. What a big boy!!
With every joy though, comes a hurt. Several months back now, a friend blogged about something she realised with her little boy when he reached about 6 months (I think it was around then). He has Rubinstein-Taybi, which is a rare genetic disorder. The upshot of that is that his development is greatly delayed. In some cases, he may never develop properly. Anyway, at around 6 months (or was it 4?) he suddenly started doing what most newborns do around 6 weeks. She blogged about how she suddenly realised why she'd been feeling so depressed and disconnected from her son. She realised that smiling, making eye contact and cooing facilitate the bonding process. If your baby smiles at you, you can't but help smile back and your love for them grows. When they don't connect with you in any way, it's very difficult to continue to feel love for them.
While chatting to our paediatrician today, it struck me that Nathan hasn't yet smiled, or cooed. I know it's early days, and this means nothing in the greater scheme of things, yet it upset me. I realised that I've often thought (and sometimes commented) on my friends' photos of their babies how happy they seem, how sweet their smile is, etc. Their babies are around the same age as Nathan. My poor boy is either asleep, feeding, or crying. He never just lies and looks around at his environment. He has yet to smile at me (or anyone else). He has yet to start making any sound other than a cry. This depresses me. It also makes me realise how difficult it is caring for someone who can't respond in a positive way. I've only been at this for 6 weeks. I can't imagine how Matt's mom coped for all those months. I guess you do because you have to, but that doesn't make it any easier. I can't wait to see Nate's face light up with joy, or pleasure of any sort. It makes me so sad that thus far his waking life has only been filled with pain.
But this too shall pass. He will recover. He will know happiness and joy. He will smile and laugh and giggle. I just hope and pray that this very painful start to life doesn't mean he will be a more serious child, less prone to laughing. I want him to be a happy-go-lucky kind of child, but I fear that isn't going to be the case.
(And of course, because I'm who I am, and because I'm his mother, I feel guilty as if this is all my fault, because really, I feel like it is. I feel that if I were someone who laughed more easily he would be too, that we could have avoided all this reflux and colic... and yes, subconsciously there is a part of me that believes all his issues are a direct result of the stress I was under while I was pregnant with him and during labour.)
A friend suggested I take him to a chiropractor. The paed has asked that I wait a week, to see whether the medication will help, or to what extent the medication will help. I don't know what to do - I just want my little boy to be pain free, to be able to sleep without disturbance, to be able to have the energy to interact with me or Graeme or Nellie and with his environment, to be free to grow into all that he can be.
Monday, July 20, 2009
TBG: The secret (or maybe not-so-secret-anymore) celebrity
I've recently started reading a Cape Town blogger Seth (2Oceansvibe.com). It's a site all about Cape Town stuff. If you're looking for deep, meaningful, insightful stuff, then it's not the site for you. (If you want that, then you should be reading the Mail and Guardian's ThoughtLeader blog. Lots to chew on there!) No, rather, this is typically student culture kind of stuff. But it's local, and as everyone knows - local is lekka.
So anyway, I've just come across the most bizarre thing from the site. Way back in August 2004, Seth commented about an anonymous guy who just appeared in a photo he took*#. Well, what with one thing and another, the guy, nicknamed TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) took on a celebrity life of his own. Or rather, 2oceans readers gave him a life of his own. Since then, whenever someone has spotted him, they snap a quick pic and send it to 2oceans. What's amazing is that there are readers from ALL OVER SOUTH AFRICA who have done this. Yup. TBG (not to be confused with the other TBG - Token Black Guy - also a Capetonian, but he has a name... I did find it on a website during my trawl to discover the identity of 2oceans' TBG.. sorry, can't find the site now. Can you tell that I'm stuck at home today and don't feel like doing anything constructive??) has developed a real cult following.
Apparently, you can see him 'all over [Cape] town'. Hmm... Can't say I've ever seen him, but then I guess that since I live a rather insular life (having kids & pets will do that to you), was out of the country for nearly 8 years and work in a job where you can't really leave the office between 7.45am-3pm, I can't really comment.
So - I will make a plan to get out and about more in the remaining weeks of my maternity leave, and while I'm out and about more, to keep my eyes peeled for TBG. Who knows - maybe I will get my minute of fame by snapping a photo of him with me and sending it in to 2oceans. A girl can dream, right?
* That reminds me of another story... about G's brothers who went through a phase of trying to wangle themselves into the background of other people's photos. That would be all well and good, except they did so with their fingers up their noses. Ja, even I have a photo of one of them trying to do that to me. Well, he succeeded, I guess, since he's in the photo, eh? If I can dig it up I might post it for your viewing pleasure. Then again, maybe not.
# If you want to see it you should go to the site, and click on the link in the left hand menu. I tried to get the link for you, but the site seems to have crashed in the last 15 mins. Sorry.
So anyway, I've just come across the most bizarre thing from the site. Way back in August 2004, Seth commented about an anonymous guy who just appeared in a photo he took*#. Well, what with one thing and another, the guy, nicknamed TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) took on a celebrity life of his own. Or rather, 2oceans readers gave him a life of his own. Since then, whenever someone has spotted him, they snap a quick pic and send it to 2oceans. What's amazing is that there are readers from ALL OVER SOUTH AFRICA who have done this. Yup. TBG (not to be confused with the other TBG - Token Black Guy - also a Capetonian, but he has a name... I did find it on a website during my trawl to discover the identity of 2oceans' TBG.. sorry, can't find the site now. Can you tell that I'm stuck at home today and don't feel like doing anything constructive??) has developed a real cult following.
Apparently, you can see him 'all over [Cape] town'. Hmm... Can't say I've ever seen him, but then I guess that since I live a rather insular life (having kids & pets will do that to you), was out of the country for nearly 8 years and work in a job where you can't really leave the office between 7.45am-3pm, I can't really comment.
So - I will make a plan to get out and about more in the remaining weeks of my maternity leave, and while I'm out and about more, to keep my eyes peeled for TBG. Who knows - maybe I will get my minute of fame by snapping a photo of him with me and sending it in to 2oceans. A girl can dream, right?
* That reminds me of another story... about G's brothers who went through a phase of trying to wangle themselves into the background of other people's photos. That would be all well and good, except they did so with their fingers up their noses. Ja, even I have a photo of one of them trying to do that to me. Well, he succeeded, I guess, since he's in the photo, eh? If I can dig it up I might post it for your viewing pleasure. Then again, maybe not.
# If you want to see it you should go to the site, and click on the link in the left hand menu. I tried to get the link for you, but the site seems to have crashed in the last 15 mins. Sorry.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Dairy cow on two legs
Of late I've felt that I really have nothing worth blogging about, nothing worth saying. Why? Because my entire life seems to revolve around milk and poo, and, really, since you're not the parent or grandparent, I doubt you want to hear about that stuff.
I've been thinking about it a lot just recently. I hate feeling like I have nothing to say, nothing useful to contribute. I hate it that my conversations all seem to revolve around breastfeeding and the state of Nathan's nappies. Surely I am more than just a dairy cow on two legs or a poop scooper? Surely there is more to life than worrying about Nathan all day long - when his last feed was, whether there's anything I can do to relieve his pain, when next he will sleep (and for how long), when last he had a nappy change, etc.
Don't get me wrong - I love him dearly. I am grateful for every moment of worry he gives me simply because it means he's here & alive. I wouldn't trade my life in for any other if it meant losing him.
But...
I hate that right now (& I do recognise that it's just a phase) I have lost myself in the role of mother to a newborn. I have been trying to watch the news, so that I can at least talk about that, but Nellie has put paid to that in the last 2 weeks as she has insisted that I bath her. Of course, because I feel guilty about not being able to spend as much quality time with her as I used to, I oblige her; but that means no news. I try listening to the news on the radio, but somehow something else always prevents it.
I had such grand plans for an exercise routine & getting back into playing my piano. Neither has happened because Nate hasn't yet settled into a routine, & because I've just been too tired (& lazy) to make the most of the time when he has actually slept in his cot. (Because of his reflux & colic he generally sleeps in my arms or on my chest.) I am constantly aware of time ticking by, and of November drawing inexorably nearer. I've already had nearly 2 months of maternity leave... only 3 months left. "There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them." (Jim Croce, 'Time in a bottle')
What I am also aware of is that this is not how I want to stay. Everyone knows that mothers of newborns only seem to talk about poo. But does everyone also realise that maybe we don't want to, yet are caught in this inevitable pattern of conversation? Certainly in my case, I feel forced into this against my will. I feel brain dead (I'm sure with some sleep I will recover!!) and downright boring. As someone who is capable, & anti gender stereotyping, this rather feels like a slap in the face.
So the next time you run into a mother of a newborn, ask how the baby is, and get a reply about poo, don't think to yourself how boring/ typical she is, or that she really needs to get a life. Pity her. Her hormones and the lack of sleep are conspiring against her. Smile encouragingly & let her know she's still someone worth talking to, even if she sounds like a stuck record. After all, if you're nice to her now, when she becomes 'herself' again, she'll think of you more fondly, and that may be a bonus for you.
I've been thinking about it a lot just recently. I hate feeling like I have nothing to say, nothing useful to contribute. I hate it that my conversations all seem to revolve around breastfeeding and the state of Nathan's nappies. Surely I am more than just a dairy cow on two legs or a poop scooper? Surely there is more to life than worrying about Nathan all day long - when his last feed was, whether there's anything I can do to relieve his pain, when next he will sleep (and for how long), when last he had a nappy change, etc.
Don't get me wrong - I love him dearly. I am grateful for every moment of worry he gives me simply because it means he's here & alive. I wouldn't trade my life in for any other if it meant losing him.
But...
I hate that right now (& I do recognise that it's just a phase) I have lost myself in the role of mother to a newborn. I have been trying to watch the news, so that I can at least talk about that, but Nellie has put paid to that in the last 2 weeks as she has insisted that I bath her. Of course, because I feel guilty about not being able to spend as much quality time with her as I used to, I oblige her; but that means no news. I try listening to the news on the radio, but somehow something else always prevents it.
I had such grand plans for an exercise routine & getting back into playing my piano. Neither has happened because Nate hasn't yet settled into a routine, & because I've just been too tired (& lazy) to make the most of the time when he has actually slept in his cot. (Because of his reflux & colic he generally sleeps in my arms or on my chest.) I am constantly aware of time ticking by, and of November drawing inexorably nearer. I've already had nearly 2 months of maternity leave... only 3 months left. "There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them." (Jim Croce, 'Time in a bottle')
What I am also aware of is that this is not how I want to stay. Everyone knows that mothers of newborns only seem to talk about poo. But does everyone also realise that maybe we don't want to, yet are caught in this inevitable pattern of conversation? Certainly in my case, I feel forced into this against my will. I feel brain dead (I'm sure with some sleep I will recover!!) and downright boring. As someone who is capable, & anti gender stereotyping, this rather feels like a slap in the face.
So the next time you run into a mother of a newborn, ask how the baby is, and get a reply about poo, don't think to yourself how boring/ typical she is, or that she really needs to get a life. Pity her. Her hormones and the lack of sleep are conspiring against her. Smile encouragingly & let her know she's still someone worth talking to, even if she sounds like a stuck record. After all, if you're nice to her now, when she becomes 'herself' again, she'll think of you more fondly, and that may be a bonus for you.
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