Know how sometimes you think you've learnt a lesson about something, only to realise that, like a computer game, you've only passed Level 10, and there are still 50 levels to go??
Yup. That's me.
Boundaries.
Thought I'd learnt this lesson. Thought I had it sussed. Thought I'd learnt when to say no, when to walk away.
But now I see that I have SO much more to learn.
It's not about just saying no. It's about discerning exactly which things to say no to. Sometimes, we have to say yes, even though it feels uncomfortable, even though it feels like we're too busy, or don't have enough energy, or money, or whatever it is.
Sometimes, God likes to make our neat, comfortable lives messy; shake things up a bit. Not necessarily turn them upside down (although he does that too sometimes).
There are so many stories I could tell you - just from this week alone - about how I still need to learn to delegate better, or how I need to protect my time with my kids and family more, but there's one other type of boundary lesson I've had this week. Let me tell you about it.
Last year I taught someone who was going through some issues. Really big, hairy, horrid issues. I found out about them inadvertently, and I also realised that I was probably the only person at school who knew. However, because of my position as the teacher, it wasn't appropriate for me to talk about it. So I did the responsible thing and passed it on to the school counsellor. After all, I'm not a trained counsellor.
At the time I was really glad to have done it, because it felt too big, too hairy, too much of an energy investment to care about this child. At the end of the year, I cut ties with this child, because, again, I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to continue keeping tabs on them. After all, from 18 you're supposed to be an adult capable of caring for yourself, right? And who in their right mind would want their ex-teacher in their lives, right? I mean - HELLOOO???
But then, last week, this person inadvertently popped up in my life again. With the same big, hairy, issues raising their heads. Part of me wanted to pretend that I hadn't seen or heard anything. Walk away. Keep those boundaries in place. But then I realised that this was no coincidence. God had made our paths cross for a reason.
I care about this ex-student much more than I do about most of my kids. Don't know why that is, it just is. I won't say I've had sleepless nights worrying on their behalf, but last year I would frequently go to sleep worrying about them, and praying for them. Sometimes, for some unknown reason, a particular student just gets under your skin in a way that the others don't. This is one of those kids.
So, I've taken the plunge and reconnected. It may well get messy. It may well take energy or time that I think I don't have. But I also know that God has brought this person back into my life for a reason. I can choose to help however I can, even if it's just listening and praying, or I can choose to walk away. This time, I've chosen not to walk away. It feels like I've made the right choice. I hope so.
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