Fake it till you make it

I used to think that emotions (from the inside) changed behaviour and body language (on the outside). Thus, if you were sad, you looked sad. If you were happy, you would look happy. Then, a few years back, I came across the idea (in the Bible, actually) that you could fake it till you make it. It's the idea that you do something repeatedly (i.e., on the outside) until you feel it on the inside. It's the idea that even if you don't WANT to pray, or worship, or believe, you do it anyway, because (besides the fact that it's good for you and the right thing to do because God is worthy) eventually your heart will come in line with what your head says is a good idea, and then you'll WANT to do it and enjoy doing it.

Putting this into practice has been one of the ways that I've been able to move from intense grief to healing. In the deepest part of my grief journey, I wanted nothing to do with God. (I realise now the paucity of my belief in God, how skewed my understanding of the gospel was, how seduced I'd been by the 'health, wealth & prosperity" gospel, but that's another story for another time.) Reading through Scripture though, I realised that I had a choice to make - either God is God, or he isn't. If he is, then the Bible is true and I needed to follow it. If he isn't, then why bother pretending with Christianity?

I decided that God is God. Since I needed to follow the instructions in the great manual of life - pray, worship, meet with believers on a regular basis, etc. - but didn't want to, I had to fake it to make it. I know God doesn't want us to be religious, or just go through the motions. For me though, it was only in my obedience to the Word, irrespective of what my heart wanted, that I have found my heart being won back to God. (Again, I know that all this is NOT by me, but is actually God drawing me back. It is the result of HIS action in my head, and in my heart, not by anything that I have done out of my own strength.)

OK - so all that is merely background to what I really want to say.

Having read some of Malcolm Gladwell's stuff and enjoyed it, when G was given a book voucher we decided to buy his first few books. I've just started reading 'The Tipping Point'. As with other books he's written, it's well-written and extremely interesting - if somewhat depressing. I was amazed, though, to discover that the 'fake it till you make it' idea features in the early portion of this book.

As the title indicates, Gladwell explores the reasons behind big changes in the world. He examines two events to try to illustrate the reasons he believes that revolutionary changes and trends can be predicted: the resurgence in demand for Hush Puppy shoes, and why Paul Revere's night-time ride resulted in such success for the colonial revolution while that of his friend - William Dawes - in the other direction was a complete failure.

As part of a discussion about personality types, he engages in a brief digression to talk about the importance of non-verbal cues in communication. He discusses research conducted from the 1960s by William Condon to a recent publication (1994) by Elaine Hatfield and John Cacioppo, all of which shows that emotions can be passed on like an infection - contagiously. By getting people to nod their heads while hearing something, they accept it; by shaking their heads, they reject it. By putting them in a room with another person and not allowing the two individuals to talk to each other, the non-verbal cues given off by one of the parties is picked up by the other, changing their mood. By smiling more during pieces on particular election candidates, news anchors influence the way in which people choose to vote. This stuff is all documented.

So, while most of us believe that the emotions affect our behaviour, it is equally true to say that behaviour affects our emotions. Emotions are contagious, we often become infected with the emotions of those around us by the non-verbal cues they send us. If you don't, that's because you are one of those people who is a carrier for emotions in the same way that some people are carriers of viruses or bacteria but are not infected by them. Your emotions infect other people.

Some people will look at this and talk about the 'energy' that people have (I know that Oprah loves the whole 'energy' idea), but actually, it's all physical. It's all about the non-verbal micromotions which might only last for a 1/45th of a second, but are there nonetheless and have a profound impact on those around you.

Where am I going with all this? What non-verbal cues do I give out when I'm teaching? On the days when I have difficulty with a particular class, am I to blame? We're so quick to lay the blame on the kids - too much sugar at break, last lesson in the day, poor work ethic, etc, etc. Am I sending out non-verbal cues that are negative, causing my kids to be infected with a negative emotion, bringing the whole tone of the class down? This whole 'negative vibe' thing is much more scientific than it first appears, and I need to do some long hard thinking about my body language to ensure that I'm increasing the happiness/ good learning quotient in my class.

Solution: maybe I should start nodding my head and smiling more?