Sunday, January 24, 2010

Slaan my dood

You know how you take certain things for granted in your life? There are just some things that are, that always will be. There are just some things that could never in a million years take place. You know those things? Well, the truth is, there are no such things. Never take anything for granted. Ever.

I have always adored my eldest brother. He was my saviour when I was a little girl. He birthed a dream in me to teach Bio. He was my model for excellent parenting and a solid marriage.

Yesterday I found out that my amazing, incredible, caring, wonderful brother and his wife are splitting up. Now I know that kids from divorced families are under a curse and will also go through divorce, but I really, truly believed that he and his wife had broken that curse and moved out of its reach. I never in a million years would EVER have dreamed that their relationship could break down to this extent.

Of course, they're not getting divorced yet. There's still hope. But the fact is that my world was severely shaken this weekend. They've been married for over 20 years. TWENTY YEARS. It just goes to show that at no stage is a marriage ever 'safe'. At no stage can you sit back, relax and think that your marriage is going to make it. You have to work at it every day of every year that you are married.

I don't know the reasons behind this, and I'm not sure I care to. My brother has taken on a large portion of responsibility for the break down. However, comments have been made today that have completely confused me. Has my brother been living a double life? Is his wife making up stories to get back at our family? Because I don't know the truth of the situation, I can't judge either of them. I know that it usually takes two people to make a marriage fail (not always, but usually), so I can't just support his wife. He's also my brother, and he taught me that family ALWAYS sticks together - through thick and thin.

You know - sin destroys. It destroys not just the person who sins, but all the people around them. In this case, it's in the process of destroying a marriage, a family, and all the extended family as well. In one sense, I feel I have a right to know the details. But knowledge is power and with that comes responsibility. To be honest, I'm not sure I want either the power or the responsibility. I'm not sure that I won't be tempted to judge both my brother and his wife, and that's not really my place - even if I was able to get the full truth rather than just their individual versions of the truth.

I love my brother deeply. There's almost nothing I wouldn't do for him. He's the guardian of my children because I honour and respect him and trust him so completely.

So now what?

2 comments:

Unknown said...

I was so angry/disapointed with you when I read this blog that I have found it impossible to reply until now.
Nicole, how could you? You say you love your brother, then why put something so private on an open blog.........just selfishly how it affects you.................
So kids in divorced families also get divorced......RUBBISH...have you told Graeme that?...um I do believe his parents are still together!!!.!!!..........who was it who split Thane's parents?!!!!!
Sorry Nicole, but stop being so SELFISH. This is NOT.NOT.NOT about you.. The best thing you can do is give them some privacy.
Leave them alone, unless they come to you. Words fail me....grow up Nicole. Life does NOT evolve around you. Have a word with your Mum..................Now, do I have the courage to send this....Please don't write about other people's lives on YOUR blog. How would you feel if somebody did this to you.

MazBrost said...

I'm sorry you feel that way, Anne.

If you re-read this post carefully, you will see that I have said nothing that is not already in the public domain.

Respectfully, I will not comply with your demand to keep silent about the things taking place around me that affect me. If I was separated from Graeme, then I would expect others to be shocked by it and, thus, to talk about it. You clearly have different expectations of human nature to me. Maybe that's a generational difference, I'm not sure.

While I absolutely agree that the world does not revolve me (it definitely doesn't "evolve" around me - LOL!), this blog IS about me. It's MY blog - that's the whole point of it. Thus, I will continue to talk about the things that rock my world, whether they be positive or negative. I hope you can respect that, and if it is too egotistical for your likes, then you have the freedom to stop reading.

Have I told Graeme that kids from divorced families have a high risk of getting divorced themselves? Yes, he is well aware of the stats on this fact. And just by-the-by, at one point in our marriage I asked him for a divorce. We've been down the same road that Thane and Ruth are on, but with fewer complications. I believe the only reason we are still together is because of the grace of God, nothing more, that overcomes the power of all evil and sin.