I've been chatting to a Twitter friend about God. He used to believe, but now doesn't. I haven't probed as to the reason yet. (It's hard holding a deep and meaningful conversation when you're limited to 140 characters!!)
He's been reading Richard Dawkins, and has found what Dawkins said in 'The God Delusion' helpful. (VERY briefly, Dawkins argues that there is no God, that everything we THOUGHT was God is just biochemistry and genes at work.) His words were that he found it 'freeing' not to have to believe in God anymore, and commented that maybe he feels this way because of years of disappointment.
In response I told him how, when Zoe died, I wanted nothing more than to give up my faith, because it also felt like I would have been freeing myself. I really and truly wanted nothing more to do with God, the Church, faith and Christians. I wanted to believe that there was no-one up there listening to me, no-one up there at all, actually. It would have been so much simpler.
For the regular readers of this blog, you will know how much I have struggled with my faith since then. However, as I have struggled, I've found myself being drawn back into faith, rather than being repulsed from it. Ultimately, for me, I find myself echoing the words of the disciples: "To whom else shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." These words were uttered after Jesus' teaching caused hundreds to reject him. At that point, Jesus offered the disciples a way out, asking them if they wanted to leave him too. He didn't apologise for or retract the tough teaching. Equally, he didn't explain it and make it easier. He simply asked them whether or not they wanted out.
Like the disciples, I find Jesus' teaching very hard to swallow at times. His standards are so high, and often so contrary to the prevailing culture. Yet, it's either His way, or the highway. With God, there are no middle grounds, not in this. Everyone, eventually, has to make a choice about which camp they choose to stand in. If you choose the God camp, you don't get to pick and choose which beliefs to accept. It's an all-or-nothing deal.
In the end, for me, God has the words of eternal life. Life does not make sense in any other context. So, I battle on, grappling with the stuff I find difficult. Actually, more accurately, God has battled on with me - my return to faith has been all God's doing. My part has been limited to submission/ acquiescence and small steps of redeveloping trust in Him.
Graeme, on the other hand, has had a completely different reaction to mine. We both faced the same crisis of faith over Zoe. I have found my way back (or more accurately, I have been drawn back). He has not.
Grieving is a different process for each person, and takes a different length of time for each. I'm hoping that he is still in the place I was, and that, with time, as his heart heals, he will return to faith, in the same way that God has drawn me back to himself. I hope that he doesn't get stuck. I hope that ... I hope that he's not too proud or rebellious to allow God to draw him back. I hope, most of all, that he finds peace - the shalom peace of God that passes all understanding.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Times opinion
You may or may not have read the Sunday Times article on the 18th Oct about the Top 100 schools in SA. I only bought the paper because someone commented to me about the article and I wanted to see which schools had 'made' it. When I read the criteria, though, for how the schools were decided upon, I became more and more incensed.
Time to 'fess up: I only became more and more incensed because I realised that the school at which I teach will NEVER make the list. I believe it should be on the list. It's a pretty phenomenal school. But this rather personal gripe got me thinking, and the more I thought, the more I realised how biased The Times' approach was.
Being me, I got all hot under the collar about it, so I decided to write to the Times and give them an earful. Well, they published it. Granted, they edited it somewhat, but the essence of what I wanted to say is there - I think they did a good job of retaining the essence, even if they lost the meat.
Thus far, I've only had good reviews. That doesn't mean to say it's a really good piece, but it's still nice! (I love having a fan club!!) It's also nice hearing from people who's opinions I respect, saying they agree with me.
So - I can now say I'm a published author. How's that for cool?
Time to 'fess up: I only became more and more incensed because I realised that the school at which I teach will NEVER make the list. I believe it should be on the list. It's a pretty phenomenal school. But this rather personal gripe got me thinking, and the more I thought, the more I realised how biased The Times' approach was.
Being me, I got all hot under the collar about it, so I decided to write to the Times and give them an earful. Well, they published it. Granted, they edited it somewhat, but the essence of what I wanted to say is there - I think they did a good job of retaining the essence, even if they lost the meat.
Thus far, I've only had good reviews. That doesn't mean to say it's a really good piece, but it's still nice! (I love having a fan club!!) It's also nice hearing from people who's opinions I respect, saying they agree with me.
So - I can now say I'm a published author. How's that for cool?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
One week left
The End Is Nigh.
No - not THAT end (although if you believe the movie "2012", we're all about to die anyway).
I mean the OTHER end. You know. The end of my "holiday" one.
And in this final week, rather than getting to spend oodles of time with my precious son (who, I might add, is growing daily in the cuteness scores), I will instead be spending time trying to:
a) get the back garden finished (weeding, planting, weeding, filling in holes the dogs have dug, weeding, oh - and more weeding!)
b) get the car fixed (it's got 2 leaks now...)
c) care for my sick husband (who now has my gastro bug - sorry Babes! I know how k** you feel and will do my best to keep the kids & dogs quiet and out of your hair)
d) write Christmas cards to post overseas (can you believe it's that time of the year again?!)
e) finish the planning for the matrics for 2010
f) get the electrical certificate for the house & finish the last few handyman jobs that are left over from our renovations
g) organise Janel's party (which is in about a month's time... eeek!)
h) do a handover with my colleague
And it's not as if I have hours and hours in which to do it. Nellie has swimming on Tues & Fri afternoons, play therapy on Wed (after which we rush back to nursery for Monkeynastix), and I have a coffee date with a new friend on Tues morning.
Right. So nothing too strenuous then.
Oh yes, and if there's time, I would like to plan my own birthday party (which is in 3.5 weeks time). I mean, it would be nice, for a change, to actually celebrate my life, as opposed to letting the moment slide by because I'm... oh, I don't know... TOO BUSY?!?!
Having a daughter who's birthday is so close to my own is rather a pain. I didn't organise that terribly well, did I? Especially as my primary love language is still presents. Yup. I reeeeally didn't plan that too well*.
Well then, I guess I'd better go and get my beauty sleep or I'll never survive this last week of "holiday", hadn't I?
_______________________________________
*Note to self for next child**: make sure the birthday is in March - far enough away from siblings and parents and Christmas for you to get decent presents.
** Note to readers: There is only a 0.02% chance of there BEING a next child. At least, those are the stats if it's biologically mine. Which it might not be. Or might not be if I'm still alive after G has read this and not killed me for even suggesting the idea of another child...
No - not THAT end (although if you believe the movie "2012", we're all about to die anyway).
I mean the OTHER end. You know. The end of my "holiday" one.
And in this final week, rather than getting to spend oodles of time with my precious son (who, I might add, is growing daily in the cuteness scores), I will instead be spending time trying to:
a) get the back garden finished (weeding, planting, weeding, filling in holes the dogs have dug, weeding, oh - and more weeding!)
b) get the car fixed (it's got 2 leaks now...)
c) care for my sick husband (who now has my gastro bug - sorry Babes! I know how k** you feel and will do my best to keep the kids & dogs quiet and out of your hair)
d) write Christmas cards to post overseas (can you believe it's that time of the year again?!)
e) finish the planning for the matrics for 2010
f) get the electrical certificate for the house & finish the last few handyman jobs that are left over from our renovations
g) organise Janel's party (which is in about a month's time... eeek!)
h) do a handover with my colleague
And it's not as if I have hours and hours in which to do it. Nellie has swimming on Tues & Fri afternoons, play therapy on Wed (after which we rush back to nursery for Monkeynastix), and I have a coffee date with a new friend on Tues morning.
Right. So nothing too strenuous then.
Oh yes, and if there's time, I would like to plan my own birthday party (which is in 3.5 weeks time). I mean, it would be nice, for a change, to actually celebrate my life, as opposed to letting the moment slide by because I'm... oh, I don't know... TOO BUSY?!?!
Having a daughter who's birthday is so close to my own is rather a pain. I didn't organise that terribly well, did I? Especially as my primary love language is still presents. Yup. I reeeeally didn't plan that too well*.
Well then, I guess I'd better go and get my beauty sleep or I'll never survive this last week of "holiday", hadn't I?
_______________________________________
*Note to self for next child**: make sure the birthday is in March - far enough away from siblings and parents and Christmas for you to get decent presents.
** Note to readers: There is only a 0.02% chance of there BEING a next child. At least, those are the stats if it's biologically mine. Which it might not be. Or might not be if I'm still alive after G has read this and not killed me for even suggesting the idea of another child...
Movie recommendation
Do yourself a favour. Go and see "Cloudy with a touch of meatballs". Not only is it a GREAT movie, it has a GREAT message. It's funny, sweet, serious and beautifully illustrated.
And then do yourself another favour. Sit through the credits. Watch out for the vignette of London. And then die laughing! When you've seen it, you can come back here and laugh with me. I would hate to spoil it for others, so won't say more.
As fantastic as the movie was, I think that single moment was the absolute bestest, BEST moment of the movie for me.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The creators are definitely people after my own heart.
And then do yourself another favour. Sit through the credits. Watch out for the vignette of London. And then die laughing! When you've seen it, you can come back here and laugh with me. I would hate to spoil it for others, so won't say more.
As fantastic as the movie was, I think that single moment was the absolute bestest, BEST moment of the movie for me.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The creators are definitely people after my own heart.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Matric paintings 2009
A few images I took today of our graphic artists - just the ones I liked.
Mishkaa Armien
Mishkaa Armien
Kirsten Koch
Kirsten Koch
Jade Dowrie
Jade Dowrie
Jade, talented girl that she is, got 100% for her FINAL Art prac mark when it was moderated just recently.
Jade, talented girl that she is, got 100% for her FINAL Art prac mark when it was moderated just recently.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Oh yes, THAT's why teachers need holidays
Today I went back to work for Valedictory. The day started with breakfast at 7.20am, and ended with tea and biscuits & a viewing of the matric art* at around 12h00. Needless to say, after chatting to some of the kids & staff, I only left at around 13h00.
Nate was incredible. Given that there were well over 700 people there at one point, that there was a marimba band playing only 1 table away from us, and that roughly 200 people talked to him, he was remarkably calm by the end. Of course, his nap and feeding routine went out the window, and we're reaping that particular whirlwind as I type (so this will be short!).
It was amazing hearing all the speeches and seeing the kids one final time. They are an incredible bunch of kids and I will miss several of them. They certainly are more self-aware and more aware of what they're bidding farewell to than I was at their age! I certainly shed a tear (which is more than I've done for any other year group) or two during the proceedings.
However, what strikes me now is how tired I am. It's not just the early start. Rather, I'm suffering from the same thing Nate is - massive over-stimulation. One forgets so quickly how stressful it is just being in the same place as 800 kids. It's very different to being in an office complex with 800 adults - even with all the noise of computers, photocopy machines, telephones, etc. Kids make a LOUD noise! Passing in the corridors, during break times, at sports, during group work... there is a constant noise that is not mitigated by carpets and other soft furnishings. Schools have a lot of hard surfaces, and sound reflects easily off hard surfaces.
Before you factor in how exhausting teaching itself is, one already has higher stress levels because of the constant noise one must acclimatise to. Having been away for nearly 5 months, I've obviously lost my ability to physically tolerate a certain amount of noise. By that I don't mean to imply that I found the noise unpleasant today. I didn't. I just found it incredibly tiring.
Then, when one does factor in the teaching, the admin, the stress from silly government employees who are power hungry and therefore determined to make you realise that the sun shines out of their backsides, and low pay which leaves one in a constant state of moderate financial crisis, it's no wonder that teachers NEED a holiday every 3 months. It's either that or they'd lose their minds (or leave teaching, which many do choose to do).
I loved being back - I really have missed everyone - but oh boy! It's going to take some getting used to again, and while I do that, I'm going to be really, really tired. I just know it. Thank God it's only 6 weeks till holidays!
________________________________________________________________
*Another post to follow with some images of some of our top graphic artists.
Nate was incredible. Given that there were well over 700 people there at one point, that there was a marimba band playing only 1 table away from us, and that roughly 200 people talked to him, he was remarkably calm by the end. Of course, his nap and feeding routine went out the window, and we're reaping that particular whirlwind as I type (so this will be short!).
It was amazing hearing all the speeches and seeing the kids one final time. They are an incredible bunch of kids and I will miss several of them. They certainly are more self-aware and more aware of what they're bidding farewell to than I was at their age! I certainly shed a tear (which is more than I've done for any other year group) or two during the proceedings.
However, what strikes me now is how tired I am. It's not just the early start. Rather, I'm suffering from the same thing Nate is - massive over-stimulation. One forgets so quickly how stressful it is just being in the same place as 800 kids. It's very different to being in an office complex with 800 adults - even with all the noise of computers, photocopy machines, telephones, etc. Kids make a LOUD noise! Passing in the corridors, during break times, at sports, during group work... there is a constant noise that is not mitigated by carpets and other soft furnishings. Schools have a lot of hard surfaces, and sound reflects easily off hard surfaces.
Before you factor in how exhausting teaching itself is, one already has higher stress levels because of the constant noise one must acclimatise to. Having been away for nearly 5 months, I've obviously lost my ability to physically tolerate a certain amount of noise. By that I don't mean to imply that I found the noise unpleasant today. I didn't. I just found it incredibly tiring.
Then, when one does factor in the teaching, the admin, the stress from silly government employees who are power hungry and therefore determined to make you realise that the sun shines out of their backsides, and low pay which leaves one in a constant state of moderate financial crisis, it's no wonder that teachers NEED a holiday every 3 months. It's either that or they'd lose their minds (or leave teaching, which many do choose to do).
I loved being back - I really have missed everyone - but oh boy! It's going to take some getting used to again, and while I do that, I'm going to be really, really tired. I just know it. Thank God it's only 6 weeks till holidays!
________________________________________________________________
*Another post to follow with some images of some of our top graphic artists.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
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