So, Graeme's calling Home Affairs in Cape Town, on speaker phone, to find out something regarding Janel's passport (yes, that saga continues!).
Ring ring, ring ring,...
...when an automated voice answers.
"The number you have dialled no longer exists. The new number is not currently available."
Hello? Did I just hear right? Umm... ok, so how do we get hold of you guys? Oh! Wait! I get it now - you're doing such a rubbish job that you've gone into hiding!! Yes, that's it!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
I just love Science!
Ok - here's the biologist in me. One of the RSS feeds I've subscribed to is "EurekAlert!-Biology". Of course, I get about 50 feeds a day, so I don't read them all, but as I was trawling through them this evening (work avoidance behaviour.... I'm supposed to be setting a Gd 10 exam paper...) I found this INCREDIBLE news. I just LOVE it when something we don't understand is proved to be useful/ necessary/ good. That just makes the creationist in me want to shout - 'See, God knew what he was doing! You evolutionists aren't even close to catching up with him!'
So - what is this incredible news? The appendix is not the useless item we thought it was. No, it is, in fact, still a life saver.
The short story is that it is the place where good bacteria live. In fact, we have immune tissue there that specifically protects and nurtures good bacteria (while attacking and killing the bad bacteria). When we get diarrhoea, the good bacteria ride it out in the appendix while the rest of the gut is completely evacuated. Then, when all the fuss is over, they climb out again and repopulate the gut before the bad bacteria can.
HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!?!
So why do we get appendicitis? Because we aren't regularly exposing our bodies to parasites and intestinal germs our immune response over-reacts to the smallest of infections. The appendix swelling is just such an over-reaction. Unfortunately, a swollen appendix causes massive problems for us. In other words - our life style is killing us.
So maybe we should all let our dogs and cats lick us in the mouth a bit more, and not deworm them quite so often...
maybe we should undercook our meat a bit more and eat chicken that's a little raw...
maybe we should eat cooked rice a few days after cooking...
maybe we should eat more raw fish....
maybe we should eat food dropped on the floor after the 3 second rule has expired...
But that's beside the point. I just LOVE science! And I just love how incredible our bodies are - how incredible creation is. I know that some people will look at this say that we evolved that way to cope with all the parasites we faced in eons past. Believe what you will, it doesn't detract from the fact that our appendix is just the most incredible little organ. And here we all thought it was useless and pointless. More fool, we!
So - what is this incredible news? The appendix is not the useless item we thought it was. No, it is, in fact, still a life saver.
The short story is that it is the place where good bacteria live. In fact, we have immune tissue there that specifically protects and nurtures good bacteria (while attacking and killing the bad bacteria). When we get diarrhoea, the good bacteria ride it out in the appendix while the rest of the gut is completely evacuated. Then, when all the fuss is over, they climb out again and repopulate the gut before the bad bacteria can.
HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!?!
So why do we get appendicitis? Because we aren't regularly exposing our bodies to parasites and intestinal germs our immune response over-reacts to the smallest of infections. The appendix swelling is just such an over-reaction. Unfortunately, a swollen appendix causes massive problems for us. In other words - our life style is killing us.
So maybe we should all let our dogs and cats lick us in the mouth a bit more, and not deworm them quite so often...
maybe we should undercook our meat a bit more and eat chicken that's a little raw...
maybe we should eat cooked rice a few days after cooking...
maybe we should eat more raw fish....
maybe we should eat food dropped on the floor after the 3 second rule has expired...
But that's beside the point. I just LOVE science! And I just love how incredible our bodies are - how incredible creation is. I know that some people will look at this say that we evolved that way to cope with all the parasites we faced in eons past. Believe what you will, it doesn't detract from the fact that our appendix is just the most incredible little organ. And here we all thought it was useless and pointless. More fool, we!
Wise advice
by Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Storms
The light at the end of the tunnel is a rubbish analogy when it comes to grief. A much better one would be a storm....
I'm sitting in my classroom, marking tests, with some music playing, when I suddenly realise that I'm singing out loud.
Enthusiastically. Loudly.
And it's a worship song.
Then it hits me - I'm no longer angry with God.
How did this happen, and when? I don't know. But it strikes me that I feel like I'm in a Cape winter storm. Above me a small gap has appeared in the clouds. I can see blue (grey) skies above me. The wind is still howling; the rain is still falling; but for a moment I can feel the warmth of the sun. I know that this may only be a brief respite from the anger of grief, but I'm going to revel in it while it lasts, remembering that 'summer' is just around the corner.
In the words of Geoffrey Rush's character in 'Shakespeare in Love': "It all ends happily. How? I don't know. It's a mystery."
I'm sitting in my classroom, marking tests, with some music playing, when I suddenly realise that I'm singing out loud.
Enthusiastically. Loudly.
And it's a worship song.
Then it hits me - I'm no longer angry with God.
How did this happen, and when? I don't know. But it strikes me that I feel like I'm in a Cape winter storm. Above me a small gap has appeared in the clouds. I can see blue (grey) skies above me. The wind is still howling; the rain is still falling; but for a moment I can feel the warmth of the sun. I know that this may only be a brief respite from the anger of grief, but I'm going to revel in it while it lasts, remembering that 'summer' is just around the corner.
In the words of Geoffrey Rush's character in 'Shakespeare in Love': "It all ends happily. How? I don't know. It's a mystery."
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Generosity and other stuff
This week has been a mixed bunch. On the one hand, it's been great as I've managed to get some business stuff done - like getting my business cards printed. YAY!! I've also managed to update my business website with images that don't take as long to download. I'm still fixing bugs on it though, so if you go and check it out, it may not all work brilliantly.
On the other hand though, I'm still feeling very low. At my obs-gyn appointment on Tuesday past I was told that my APS is not just a contributing factor to Zoe's death (as I was told by my UK specialist), but is in fact the direct cause. In addition, it would seem that the type of APS I have means that any clotting event is a sudden thing, rather than a gradual one. This means that Zoe would have suffered more than I thought. With a gradual clotting, her asphyxiation would have been gradual, meaning that she would have slipped into a coma gradually and painlessly, a bit like people who commit suicide using carbon monoxide poisoning. With a sudden event though, her asphyxiation would have been sudden - a bit like being strangled. Needless to say, I have found that very upsetting.
As I think I've told you before, our medical aid has refused to pay for any of my APS treatments for a year. When I saw the obs-gyn I asked her what that would cost if I paid for it myself. Wait for it - my entire monthly salary before tax!! GULP! So there is definitely no way Graeme and I can afford to fall pregnant before Oct next year. I'm gutted. I know that there are plenty of very good, logical, sensible reasons why having to wait till Oct next year is a good thing, but on an emotional level it just plain sucks. It's just so damn unfair.
We're in the process of joining a new small group from church. I'm excited about that, because it means we finally get to make some friends. Our church assigns people to groups based on a questionnaire that you complete about the sort of group you're looking for. So until this week, we had no idea who was in the group. Turns out that there's a woman in our group who recently suffered a miscarriage, also of a little girl, who was also called Zoe. Plus, it turns out that there's an old family friend of Graeme's in the group. And then, there's a guy I used to be in a band with from a previous church. What a small world!
All these individuals send us emails, filled with compassion and messages of support. That's great, except that one of them is clearly from a much more 'spiritual' background than I think I can stomach at present. While I shouldn't judge, I can't help but think that they have never suffered any deep grief. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that this individual has led a charmed life. I had to rewrite my reply several times, to avoid telling this person where they could stuff their prayers. I know that everyone has their share of trouble, and I know that this individual was just trying to be supportive, and that means the world to me right now. But I really hope I don't say something I'm going to regret when we have our first meeting! I hope I can either hold me tongue, or that this person proves to be much more grounded than their email would suggest - because if not, I think we will have to find another group, and immediately.
So that's the background noise I've been dealing with emotionally all week. Then at church this morning, the sermon was on generosity. While most people look at generosity from the perspective of what people give (money vs everything else), from a Christian perspective the bigger issue is not what you give, but how and why.
Why do we give? Because we have received so much. God has been so generous with us (by dying on the cross) that we cannot help but respond by giving.
How do we give? Hysterically (translated as 'cheerfully' in many Bible translations). i.e., we don't give out of a sense of duty, or with a grudging heart, or because it's the 'right' thing to do, but joyfully and cheerfully and abundantly.
That's the theory, at any rate.
So our minister then points out to us that true holiness is marked by tremendous generosity, because God has been (and continues to be) incredibly generous towards us, and holiness is being like God. He then flicks a prayer up on the projector, for us as a community to pray together, asking God to make us more generous with each other, as a 'deep acknowledgement' of his incredible generosity to us.
And this is the point where I break down in tears, again.
Many years ago I had this discussion with my brother, about God's grace. He, being the older and wiser Christian, pointed out to me, the younger and less wise Christian, that if the only thing God had done was die on the cross for us, none of us would have any cause to complain, because that is the most generous thing anyone could have done for us. God could have done that and then washed his hands of us and had nothing further to do with us, leaving us to deal with a world devoid of love or grace, and we would still be held accountable for living a life of holiness.
Be that as it may (and he's absolutely correct), I couldn't pray that prayer. I can't ask God to make me more generous as a response to his generosity to me. All I kept thinking was - how is letting Zoe die generous? Where is the generosity in that? I can ask God to make me more generous - no problems there - but not in response to his generosity to me. I freely acknowledge that God has been generous to me in the past. I freely acknowledge that by dying on the cross God demonstrated the ultimate generosity towards me. But, blasphemous as I know it is, that is simply not enough for me anymore. If I am to believe that God has no limits to his generosity, then I need to know where that generosity is as regards Zoe, because I just don't see how taking her from her family is generous.
(And don't try telling me that maybe there something worse ahead in her future that God spared her from, because then you will need to explain why God doesn't take all children who are born to abusive parents, or born with AIDS, or born to drug addicts so that they are already addicts themselves or suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or those that have severe mental or physical disabilities... because there is no answer for any of that, because there is no generosity in allowing those kids to live, and there is even less generosity in taking Zoe while allowing those kids to suffer on earth. So that rubbish doesn't cut it with me anymore.)
This afternoon I've been recalling the pictures we were given in those first few days after Zoe's death, of her in Jesus' arms, and of her with Graeme's gran. Thinking about them, I know that God was being compassionate and allowing me to know that she's ok. And I am still grateful for that - knowing that does bring me a measure of peace. But knowing that does not alleviate this gaping hole in my heart, through which I seem to bleeding a lifetime's worth of faith.
I will strive to be more generous, but I have to confess that it will simply be from a humanitarian perspective - because I know that it's good for me to give, because I know that it's the right thing to do, and because I know that God would approve. But right now there is just no way I can pray that prayer.
So, as the new term begins, I'm already emotionally exhausted. I long for this grief to be over. I long for the halycon days of an easy faith that never sucked the energy right out of you. But hopefully having structure in my week, and knowing that there are only 8 weeks to go till we break up for the year, plus joining this small group, will help me get a grip on this grief. I can only hope.
On the other hand though, I'm still feeling very low. At my obs-gyn appointment on Tuesday past I was told that my APS is not just a contributing factor to Zoe's death (as I was told by my UK specialist), but is in fact the direct cause. In addition, it would seem that the type of APS I have means that any clotting event is a sudden thing, rather than a gradual one. This means that Zoe would have suffered more than I thought. With a gradual clotting, her asphyxiation would have been gradual, meaning that she would have slipped into a coma gradually and painlessly, a bit like people who commit suicide using carbon monoxide poisoning. With a sudden event though, her asphyxiation would have been sudden - a bit like being strangled. Needless to say, I have found that very upsetting.
As I think I've told you before, our medical aid has refused to pay for any of my APS treatments for a year. When I saw the obs-gyn I asked her what that would cost if I paid for it myself. Wait for it - my entire monthly salary before tax!! GULP! So there is definitely no way Graeme and I can afford to fall pregnant before Oct next year. I'm gutted. I know that there are plenty of very good, logical, sensible reasons why having to wait till Oct next year is a good thing, but on an emotional level it just plain sucks. It's just so damn unfair.
We're in the process of joining a new small group from church. I'm excited about that, because it means we finally get to make some friends. Our church assigns people to groups based on a questionnaire that you complete about the sort of group you're looking for. So until this week, we had no idea who was in the group. Turns out that there's a woman in our group who recently suffered a miscarriage, also of a little girl, who was also called Zoe. Plus, it turns out that there's an old family friend of Graeme's in the group. And then, there's a guy I used to be in a band with from a previous church. What a small world!
All these individuals send us emails, filled with compassion and messages of support. That's great, except that one of them is clearly from a much more 'spiritual' background than I think I can stomach at present. While I shouldn't judge, I can't help but think that they have never suffered any deep grief. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that this individual has led a charmed life. I had to rewrite my reply several times, to avoid telling this person where they could stuff their prayers. I know that everyone has their share of trouble, and I know that this individual was just trying to be supportive, and that means the world to me right now. But I really hope I don't say something I'm going to regret when we have our first meeting! I hope I can either hold me tongue, or that this person proves to be much more grounded than their email would suggest - because if not, I think we will have to find another group, and immediately.
So that's the background noise I've been dealing with emotionally all week. Then at church this morning, the sermon was on generosity. While most people look at generosity from the perspective of what people give (money vs everything else), from a Christian perspective the bigger issue is not what you give, but how and why.
Why do we give? Because we have received so much. God has been so generous with us (by dying on the cross) that we cannot help but respond by giving.
How do we give? Hysterically (translated as 'cheerfully' in many Bible translations). i.e., we don't give out of a sense of duty, or with a grudging heart, or because it's the 'right' thing to do, but joyfully and cheerfully and abundantly.
That's the theory, at any rate.
So our minister then points out to us that true holiness is marked by tremendous generosity, because God has been (and continues to be) incredibly generous towards us, and holiness is being like God. He then flicks a prayer up on the projector, for us as a community to pray together, asking God to make us more generous with each other, as a 'deep acknowledgement' of his incredible generosity to us.
And this is the point where I break down in tears, again.
Many years ago I had this discussion with my brother, about God's grace. He, being the older and wiser Christian, pointed out to me, the younger and less wise Christian, that if the only thing God had done was die on the cross for us, none of us would have any cause to complain, because that is the most generous thing anyone could have done for us. God could have done that and then washed his hands of us and had nothing further to do with us, leaving us to deal with a world devoid of love or grace, and we would still be held accountable for living a life of holiness.
Be that as it may (and he's absolutely correct), I couldn't pray that prayer. I can't ask God to make me more generous as a response to his generosity to me. All I kept thinking was - how is letting Zoe die generous? Where is the generosity in that? I can ask God to make me more generous - no problems there - but not in response to his generosity to me. I freely acknowledge that God has been generous to me in the past. I freely acknowledge that by dying on the cross God demonstrated the ultimate generosity towards me. But, blasphemous as I know it is, that is simply not enough for me anymore. If I am to believe that God has no limits to his generosity, then I need to know where that generosity is as regards Zoe, because I just don't see how taking her from her family is generous.
(And don't try telling me that maybe there something worse ahead in her future that God spared her from, because then you will need to explain why God doesn't take all children who are born to abusive parents, or born with AIDS, or born to drug addicts so that they are already addicts themselves or suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or those that have severe mental or physical disabilities... because there is no answer for any of that, because there is no generosity in allowing those kids to live, and there is even less generosity in taking Zoe while allowing those kids to suffer on earth. So that rubbish doesn't cut it with me anymore.)
This afternoon I've been recalling the pictures we were given in those first few days after Zoe's death, of her in Jesus' arms, and of her with Graeme's gran. Thinking about them, I know that God was being compassionate and allowing me to know that she's ok. And I am still grateful for that - knowing that does bring me a measure of peace. But knowing that does not alleviate this gaping hole in my heart, through which I seem to bleeding a lifetime's worth of faith.
I will strive to be more generous, but I have to confess that it will simply be from a humanitarian perspective - because I know that it's good for me to give, because I know that it's the right thing to do, and because I know that God would approve. But right now there is just no way I can pray that prayer.
So, as the new term begins, I'm already emotionally exhausted. I long for this grief to be over. I long for the halycon days of an easy faith that never sucked the energy right out of you. But hopefully having structure in my week, and knowing that there are only 8 weeks to go till we break up for the year, plus joining this small group, will help me get a grip on this grief. I can only hope.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
House
A friend asked for photos of the house, so she can "see" us in our new home. Ask, and ye shall receive.
Firstly, a plan of the house.
From there, you either go down the passage to the rest of the house or into the kitchen. 
Let's go into the kitchen.
Now back to the rest of the house: First stop - the family room. We still want to get an easy chair to put in it, and hook up a sound system, but for the moment it's serviceable.
Then on to the bedrooms.
And finally, onto the gardens. Let's start at the front of the house.
And now the back gardens. (I haven't included the flat on the house plan, since it's rented out and a completely separate entity, but obviously you can see it in the photos.)
You can also see the back conservatory area (not fully enclosed, but definitely more than a patio!) To the left of the patio (as you look at it in the photo) is the garage, which has been converted into an office/ spare room space. I haven't bothered to take a photo of it, just in case you're one of these very spatially aware people who has figured out that there is something missing!
Firstly, a plan of the house.
I haven't photographed every room - I mean, do you REALLY want to see a photo of a toilet? - but the photos should give you an idea of the house. I make no apologies for the mess. Well, no, actually, I do. I blame it on the whirlwind bomb that is Janel, plus the fact that it's too gorgeous a day to spend inside cleaning house. As soon as I'm done posting here I'm going to lie and read a book in the garden, by the pool.
Although most people enter using the 'Tradesman's entrance', I'll start at the front door. Here's the lounge and dining room.
Although most people enter using the 'Tradesman's entrance', I'll start at the front door. Here's the lounge and dining room.
From there, you either go down the passage to the rest of the house or into the kitchen. Let's go into the kitchen.
Now back to the rest of the house: First stop - the family room. We still want to get an easy chair to put in it, and hook up a sound system, but for the moment it's serviceable.
Then on to the bedrooms.
And finally, onto the gardens. Let's start at the front of the house.
And now the back gardens. (I haven't included the flat on the house plan, since it's rented out and a completely separate entity, but obviously you can see it in the photos.)
You can also see the back conservatory area (not fully enclosed, but definitely more than a patio!) To the left of the patio (as you look at it in the photo) is the garage, which has been converted into an office/ spare room space. I haven't bothered to take a photo of it, just in case you're one of these very spatially aware people who has figured out that there is something missing!
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