I’m sitting on my stoep (porch) listening to the rain falling through the sail cloth onto our outdoor table. In the distance I can hear car tyres whoosing on the main road that runs past our house. Ignoring the “why are there are cars moving out there?”, it’s a lovely sound. I love hearing the different sounds of water. I have my glass of sherry-replacement, and my novel, and I’ve just had a skype call with my step-dad. I can smell the smokey braai, as the left-over ashes are dampened - reminds me of camping and good times with friends gathered around a fire. All is right with the world.
(Oh dear - my peace has just been disturbed by the neighbour choosing to watch vlogs with their window open.... )
Ok, so time for confessions.
All is not right with the world, which is why I am out here and not inside where it’s cozy. I think we have definitely all been in each other’s space long enough now. I resorted to taking the dogs out onto the field next door to us, via our back gate (which opens directly onto the field) and standing in the shelter of the wall - just to breathe some non-house air. The dogs were initially pleased, but as soon as they realized it was ... well, it wasn’t raining exactly... more like a heavy mist about 4m above the ground, falling gently down onto us... anyway! As soon as they realized it was wet, they lost their enthusiasm and wanted to come back in.
So now I’m out here, with doors and windows closed so I can’t hear what’s going on inside - at least, until they start killing each other. That I’m sure I’ll be able to hear. Glass isn’t that thick, after all.
What is is about the people we love, that they can drive us completely and utterly insane?
We had such a lovely anniversary day yesterday, bar one very unpleasant situation where several things came to a head all at the same time and ... I can’t even talk about it. I can’t handle my kids being hurt. “Sticks and stones” is the biggest lie. Words hurt the deepest, because they can’t be unsaid. Any one of the issues on their own would have been ok, but thrown them all into the mix at the same time, and it felt like an emotional nuclear bomb had gone off.
We fixed things, somewhat. A bit of emotional duct (gaffer) tape, and A bit of prayer, and we managed to At least mitigate the fall out. The rest of the day was fabulous though. It’s been a no-pressure weekend for me - one in which I refused to put any expectations on myself of what I should, or ought, or must do. The kids and I had a very silly water fight, which was just incredible (albeit cold!) I wish I could let myself relax and be silly more. I wish I could have more of those moments with my kids, laugh at myself a bit more. I know how much it means to them when I do.
(I must confess I watch some of the silly videos that people I know have created, and I just die for them. There’s silly, and then there’s just totally embarrassing.)
We also had the most wonderful anniversary dinner at ‘Homemade Sibling Fancy Restaurant’. The chefs and wait staff were just lovely, and G and I chatted about the various meals and events that have stuck in our memory over the past 22 years. What a trip down memory lane that was!
Today has been even better - I haven’t even gotten dressed today! I can’t remember the last time I did that, apart from being sick and so having to stay home in bed. We went to church (virtually, of course), chatted with the Clan (my husband doesn’t just have a family... he has a Clan), watched movies, I crocheted, we went on a virtual game drive to &Beyond Ngala (a private game reserve on the western boundary with Kruger) where we got to see lions RIGHT NEXT to the Landrover (I confess I was expecting one to stand up and klap the ranger one shot! Even he admitted afterwards he had been scared. Another ranger told me previously though that they are unlikely to do that as they see you as part of the vehicle - provided you don’t give them a reason to think different, they will leave you alone if you’re in the vehicle. I wasn’t sure I wanted to test that theory though.) and they also took us to some 8 day old hyaena cubs. These game rangers are incredibly knowledgeable, I must say, and showed us lots of smaller game, birds and insects we would NEVER have found on our own. Plus, the kids get to email them questions which they answer live. It’s FANTASTIC. You should join us tomorrow. They have drives at 5.30am and 3.30pm every day, and each drive is about 3hrs long. Find them at WildEarth on YouTube.
Now I get to sit out here and listen to the sounds of a wet world, while sipping on my (4th?) glass of some fortified wine or other. (And the noisy neighbour has gone to bed...) The crickets and frogs are out. The air is fresh. The post-rain dripping from the leaves is truly the most peaceful music. I think I may sleep out here tonight....I’ll just have to see what the mozzarellas situation it like in a bit.
And it occurs to me that the most important person in my life is someone I haven’t spoken to in a while. That in the midst of my selfish schloff weekend, I have made no time to talk to the one who made it all, the one who sustains it all, the one who gave it all, the one who left it all - for me. As peaceful as it is out here, this peace is transitory. As wonderful as it is out here, this is transitory. As soon as I open the door again, everything I’m running from will come flooding back - the frustration, the anger, the upset. There is only one in whom lasting peace can be found; there is only one in whom true wonder is found. And I’ve pretty much ignored him all weekend.
Time to fix things, I think.
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