I am a statistic

I've had a day and a half today.

This morning my son woke up sick. Cue the frantic run around to make a plan for child care.

Then my 8 yr old daughter had a sulk, followed by a crying fit, followed by yelling at me to get out of her room because she '[DOESN'T] WANT TO TALK TO [ME]'. What, you may wonder, sparked this? The fact that her baby brother got to stay at home, in my bed, and watch TV, because he was sick.

Then, on the way to work, I stopped off at my son's pre-primary school to drop off the fees notification letter for next year (which was due back yesterday...). I was out of my car for all of 5 minutes, in which time someone broke into my car and stole my:

• wallet with all my cards
• ID book
• cell phone
• iPad

THEN, my insurance told me they won't cover the theft of these items because I did not tick the 'and contents' box on my comprehensive insurance contract. WTF?? Doesn't comprehensive MEAN it includes theft OUT of a motor vehicle?!?!

So now I'm at least R8000 out of pocket, before you add in the cost for a new ID, petrol and time on the phone/ in queues to replace all my cards. (And, of course, I can't get my new bank cards until I get my ID....)

The loss of my iPad is a pain and a half, because it's like trying to teach without my right arm. Once a person makes the switch to using technology to teach, going back is like trying to breathe water.

Then, because I had no easy access to my diary (it's on my iPad!) I nearly stood up a parent with whom I had scheduled a meeting.

Then I DID miss a lesson... I got my times wrong - of course, I know why the kids didn't bother to come looking for me in my office - they quite appreciated a free lesson!

But then I came home, and as I walked in, my daughter rushed up, gave me a hug, told me how sorry she was that my stuff had been stolen, and offered me a cup of tea to make it all better.... I have the best kid in the world! That was the best moment of my day today by a million miles!

I should point out that, while I am a statistic now, there are several things for which I am grateful:

• I wasn't in the car at the time.
• I wasn't personally threatened.
• Almost all my data was backed up in the cloud, so I can access most of it via the web. It's a pain, but at least I haven't lost all that data as well!
• A sim swap is relatively painless to set up, and I have an old phone I can use in the interim to at least be contactable. (That should all be set up by tomorrow.)

Most of me hopes the thief or thieves get their come uppance, not necessarily that they get caught, but that justice is served. I want them to suffer for a) violating my personal space, b) taking my stuff and c) causing such havoc and inconvenience in my life. (I mean, do I REALLY have the time to go and stand in a queue at Home Affairs to get a new ID book?!?!)

However, the other (small) part of me recognises that if he/ she/ they experience 'an eye for an eye' justice, all it does is cause the cycle of violence and crime to continue. I know that restorative justice is better. Yet, what are the chances of him/ her/ them getting caught so that I can try to implement that? Next to zero. So where does that leave me? I'm mad as hell, not ready to forgive yet, even as I recognise that, really, as long as I fail to forgive the only person in this who suffers will continue to be me.

But FLIP I'm annoyed, peeved, hacked off, MAD.

I also have a horrible headache. Anger, tears and too much comfort-sugar will do that to one.

I'm praying for a miracle. I want my stuff back and nothing is too big for God. Yet, part of me has serious doubts that God will answer this one in the affirmative, because I've prayed for bigger things before (like my 2nd daughter's life) and he chose to refuse me then. If he refused that, why would he answer this MUCH lesser request in the affirmative? No, I think I'm better off accepting that my stuff is gone and not hoping for anything.

What I find myself hitting my head against continually is the lack of power, the lack of control. This whole thing has reminded me how powerless I really am - against crime, against sin, against the pigs swill of others' worst intentions. And I hate that. I hate that someone I don't even know has this power over me, power to completely disrupt my day, my work. I hate that I don't have the strength of character to CHOOSE to behave differently - because while I can't control circumstances, I should be able to control my reaction to them.

Have I mentioned how deeply annoyed I am by all this? I mean, I have to phone a gazillion companies to replace all my loyalty cards. I have to go into the library to replace mine, as well as the kids' that were also in my wallet. I have to stand in a queue at Home Affairs.... I think I may have mentioned that.

And then, tonight I heard that someone I love deeply, who was in remission, no longer is. I've been told not to panic yet, because the cancer is an unusual one, and they don't know enough yet to give a proper prognosis, or treatment options. I'm trying, but it's impossible not to fear the worst, to imagine my life without him. Still, it does put the theft this morning into better perspective.

I'm heading to bed though, because I'm just so over today. I've had enough of all the heartache from today. Tomorrow holds the promise of better things, and maybe after sleep things will not just seem better, but will actually be better.