Living with Loss

Some people seem to live charmed lives, never being touched by the pain of loss. Others seem to get more than their fair share. Loss comes in all shapes and sizes - from the loss of a job, a home, a dream, to the loss of a parent, spouse, or child.

For those who know this pain, who have walked the road of loss, finding a way to live with the loss is a difficult road to walk. There are no quick fixes, or easy options. Every person's loss is unique, so although there are some generalities that can be gleaned, in the end, the only way to find a way to live with it is to walk the road.

These past few weeks I have had the privilege of walking the road with several others who have been doing a course at church. However, walking with others means being vulnerable, and my own losses have surfaced again...

In my life I have lost a lot...

• my parents divorced when I was still young, which split my family
• friends with whom I have no real contact anymore
• I have been abused
• my first child...
• my third child...
• my dream career

and that's not counting things like losing my grandparents, my other elderly family members, nearly losing my dad to cancer...

In the grand scheme of things though, I still have a HUGE amount...

• an incredible husband
• two incredible living children
• a house
• a stable and secure job, that I actually enjoy
• both parents still alive, with an amazing step-mother
• a large extended family that loves me
• a car, clothes on my back, food in the cupboard

And, of course, that's not counting the blessing of being a child of God and all that goes along with that.

Yet, the blessings don't take the sting out of the things I have lost. The blessings make it possible to continue living, but the pain is always there, just under the surface. If you scratch a bit, it surfaces again. This past week I was reminded that these losses leave holes in my life, and periodically I fall back into the holes, and experience their depth and darkness. Time doesn't heal wounds. Instead, over time, we learn how to climb out of the holes so that we don't have to sit in them for weeks or months. It doesn't stop us falling into them though.