Friday, October 16, 2009

Kids of this age...

... drive their parents insane.

I was reading Cecily's blog about her 3.5yr old daughter, and nearly hosed myself. She could have been describing Janel!

1) The endless talking... And it's not just the 'Why?' stuff.

Mommy, look at my story (this while we're driving to nursery) - LOOK Mommy.
I can't, Sweetie. I'm driving.
Look when we stop then.

Mommy, you stopped and didn't look. LOOK Mommy.
OK. At the next stop. (duly examine book for all of one millisecond)
What's happening here, Mommy?
[make up something that seems vaguely correct]
Why?.......

Or the constant repeating of some question. About 10 times. In a row. I've learnt that in order to stop her after the first or second repeat, I have to practice reflective listening: Yes my love, the [use exact words here...] bus was very big and that man had a funny hat on.

Of course, this WILL be followed by a 'Why?', and then another, and another, and another. And although I hate myself for it, eventually I will get to the point where I will simply say: NO MORE QUESTIONS. (Why? Because I said so/ because you're giving me a headache/ just because.) I don't want to stifle her natural inquisitiveness. I want her to remain curious about the world for the rest of her life. I want her to continue asking questions. BUT... OMW! Enough already!

What are you watching, Mommy?
7de Laan (my favourite soapie, in Afrikaans, which she doesn't understand)
What's that man doing?
[brief age-appropriate explanation]
Why?
[brief age-appropriate explanation]
What did he say?
[brief age-appropriate explanation]
Why?
[brief age-appropriate explanation]

What...
[mother rudely interrupts] BE QUIET. I'm trying to watch my programme.
Why?
NELLIE!
Sorry Mommy.

[3 secs pass]
Mommy, what's that girl doing?.....

2) Tantrums. We didn't really have the terrible twos. We had some small issues during the terrible (is there a word that starts with 'th' meaning aful??) threes, but we definitely seem headed for the f***ing fours. Ever since our holiday away where it was just Mommy, Nellie and Nathan - no Daddy - she has been acting out/ up. Wanting to be a baby - lying on her back, kicking her legs and crying; or wanting to be rocked while she pretends to cry. Wanting to be carried. All. the. time. Performing when it's time to have supper/ go to bath/ go to bed.

Not just performing, but putting on the performance of her life. Sometimes she screams so much she vomits. And we've started with the hitting, kicking and spitting. The only thing that seems to work with her is threatening to leave her (not as in LEAVE her, but as in leave the room). Take away her audience and suddenly she starts to conform. In the process she tries to play us off one against the other. 'I want Mommy to bath me.' Mommy duly arrives to wash her. 'Go away. I want Daddy.' Whether Daddy arrives, or whether Mommy says no, the crying will begin. If I leave the room, she screams. She really has a fear of abandonment, so I hate having to use that tactic to get her to behave, but it's the only thing she seems to understand. Smacking doesn't work. Taking away treats doesn't work. (I hate to think what she's going to be like as a teenager if she's already this strong-willed. She definitely gets that from me.)

3) The dogs. She gives them conflicting messages, then complains and cries when they get confused.

Baggins! Baggins! Come, boy. NO Alyssa. NOT YOU. NOOOO 'Lyssa. 'Lyssa.. NOOO.
No Baggins! [when he lies down or starts to play with Alyssa]. NOOO.
Mommy, Baggins won't play with me.
[Baggins, getting no joy from Alyssa, who is only interested in the Nellie given that she is only interested in Baggins, turns to play with Nellie, and starts to gently bite her arm/foot/leg]
OW, Baggins! NOOO Baggins.
Mommy, Baggins bit me. Naughty Baggins {hit the dog}.
'Lyssa. 'Lyssa. Come here girl. [Alyssa comes and dutifully lies down]
NO, Baggins, NO. [as Baggins attempts, once more, unsuccessfully, to draw Alyssa into a game]
Mommy, 'Lyssa is playing with Baggins [not really, she isn't. She just can't escape Baggins as she was lying down for you to pat her and now he's jumped on her.]
....

4) The falling over... It would seem that the gravity Nellie experiences is about 3 times as great as that which the rest of humanity struggles against. I say that because Nellie seems incapable of standing up on two feet. She is forever leaning against me, or against something else, then losing her balance and falling over, hurting some part of her anatomy in the process, which requires it to be kissed better and a bit of a fuss being made.

It's worst when she's in a funk and sulky. Maybe her mood is like that when the earth is pulling on her most. I could see how that might make one irritable and otherwise. Or maybe the earth is pulling on her most at the times when she is moody and sulky. I certainly feel the earth's pull more strongly when I'm in a funk - I want nothing more than to lie on my bed at those times. Yes, must definitely be the latter I think.

Either way though, it annoys the hell out of me because her extra weight on my legs usually unbalances me. (You would think that, by now, I'd learnt to expect the unexpected lurching from across the room to lean on me. Sadly, not so.) Since I'm often carrying Nathan, or some other equally heavy object, it's a battle to remain upright. When I don't, then some part of my anatomy also suffers, but there's no-one who kisses my owwies better. No sirree. I'm on my own in this one. (Sometimes I hate being an adult.)

But then, there are the things that I absolutely adore about her (in no particular order).

1) How often she tells me that she loves me. (OK, sometimes it's just because she knows she's in trouble and wants to avoid it by distracting me.)

2) The fact that she so desperately wants to spend quality time just with me (no Nathan or Daddy). While I know it's a reaction to Nathan, it still makes me feel special.

3) How incredibly helpful she can be - fetching and carrying things for Nathan, putting his dummy in when he cries, taking her plate to the kitchen after her meal, getting herself some water to drink when she's thirsty... she's definitely growing up.

4) How nicely she plays with the dogs. It's taken the better part of a year for her & them to get comfortable with games, but there are times when we don't have the scene above and they actually play very nicely together. It's wonderful to see.

5) How much she loves Nathan. She is desperate for him to grow up so he can play with her, but even though he can't, she still talks to him and wants to include him in stuff. 'Mommy, tell Nathan what I'm doing. Tell him.' [I tell him.] 'What does he say, Mommy?' [make up something appropriately linked to her activity]. 'And what else, Mommy?' 'Nothing else, my love.' 'NO Mommy, AND WHAT ELSE?' [make up something else] 'Now what's he saying, Mommy?'...

The problem, of course, as I see it, is that she does the things I love while AT THE SAME TIME doing the things I find annoying. Which makes it incredibly hard to focus only on the behaviour one wants to encourage.

But reading Cecily's blog was helpful. It seems that I am not alone in this. It would seem that ALL little kids (you can't call them toddlers anymore, can you?) go through this. It would seem that this is a developmental phase which requires that all kids annoy the hell out of their parents.

That's all fine and well, but I'd quite like to know when this phase will end. I'd quite like to know that she's not going to be miserable from now till teenagerhood, and then turn into the monster from hell when she turns 13, or so. Or worse, turn into Kevin. God forbid!

However, the story of Zagazoo bears no such comfort for me. Nope. It would seem that somewhere in the fine print I missed the bit about annoying behaviours that start during toddlerhood and last until some unspecified time in the future when they have annoying children of their own. Damn! Maybe I should get glasses...

1 comment:

Bronwyn said...

*sigh* we are DEFINITELY headed in that direction in 18 months! We have mini-versions of those conversations and battles of the will already. God help us!