I'm sitting here, staring at the computer screen, wondering how to express what I feel.
My brother's wife had a miscarriage today. She has had a rough time throughout her brief pregnancy (which is not unusual, given that she is in her 40s). This past week she had had a kidney infection and was booked off work. I'm still not sure of all the details, except that she started bleeding and went to hospital.
I weep for them. Having recovered from the shock of falling pregnant, they and their 3 daughters were ecstatic about the pregnancy. While they knew the risks associated with this pregnancy because of my sister-in-law's age, to lose this little one is still a cruel blow. Are they better off to have lost it now, rather than later? I don't know. Certainly, my brother's grief is heart-breaking. They are all still in shock, and my sister-in-law is still recovering from surgery this afternoon. I want to just put my arms around them all and love the pain away, love this little child back into life and back into health.
Their very sad news has also opened wounds for me that were healing. This afternoon I have been hit by fatigue, which I know is merely a grief response (rather than being physical tiredness), but which is exhausting never the less. And I weep for Graeme and I, and for Nellie, and for our precious Zoe. And I weep for the little one I will only meet once I am dead. At least Zoe was there, waiting with open arms to receive this precious life and welcome it to the family. I can only pray it did not suffer in death.
5 comments:
A hug and a kiss for you, and a hug and a kiss for them. Is it easier now or later?...... I don't know.....it depends..........never easy. I only have experience of sooner rather than later. 3 times. Thinking of you all from across the skies.
Take care.
Anne.x.x
Nix, BIG hugs!! Yet again I have no words.....
Lots of love B
so sorry - it sounds so banal but words fail ...
Nicole,
Hi, my name is Renee. I am a friend of Jeremy and Bronwyn Lea's. They suggested I read your blog as I have just (on 28th Feb) lost my daughter at 37w. I have tried following Zoe's story, but there is so much to read. Can I communicate with you via email. I think and hope it would help to speak to someone that has been through the experience and gain some direction forward for us. She was our first, and long awaited. My fight with God continues day and night ... it would be such help to know how you moved forward from Zoe's death. If it is not too raw an emotion for you, I think it would help me alot. If you want to read up on us (although it is not updated recently) our blog is http://nahrensblog.blogspot.com/ it will give you a bit of history on us.
Hi Renee
Doing the same post here, and on our blog.
You are MORE than welcome to contact me by email. Bron and Jeremy have the address. (I don't want to post it publically.) You can also check out the Facebook group we've started called 'Born Sleeping'. It's specifically designed for South Africans, because there is no support for bereaved parents in SA (shocking, but true!), but you are more than welcome to join and get some support there. I can also highly recommend the SANDS group in the UK - www.uk-sands.org - which does have a sister organisation in Auz, as far as I know. They have a message board you can join too, which is great.
Hang in there! God is big enough to handle your anger, and he will NEVER let you go. Even if we are faithless, he is faithful - you will get through this, and you will still have your faith at the end. Just keep taking your anger to God, and spew it at him as much as you need.
Looking forward to your email!
Nicole
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